shit that has been making me laugh: carlos, impersonator of the cockatiels
yesterday afternoon, after introducing ourselves to beth and james maynard - the hip anglicans who are creating a neo-monastic community on mill street in beverly - kellie, james and i stopped by "the beverly wild bird and pet supply." shortly after we stepped through the front door of this small quirky shop that serves as a sort of whole foods for our animal friends, james and i found ourselves face to face with a man who we would soon come to know as carlos.
carlos wore a drab, castro inspired hat pulled down over his ears and sported some of the glassiest eyes i have seen in some time. as soon as carlos stood in front of us and locked his glassy eyes with mine, i had a feeling that we were in for quite a ride. fortunately, my immediate assumption was right.
carlos: "man, i am taking care of a whole school of animals!"
me: (wondering what kind of school would hire carlos) "is that right?"
carlos: "yeah. my wife and i have a cockatiel, two parakeet, four gerbils, three bear hamsters - we used to have fourth, but he died. i need to bury that one - and a few cats."
james: "sounds like you have a full house."
carlos: "yeah, that cockatiel, man he crazy. he follows my wife around the house like a dog (here carlos did his best impersonation of a puffed up, strutting cockatiel) and he stands at the screen snapping at the passerby and threatening to attack them."
me: "that sounds like quite a bird."
carlos: "oh yeah, he crazy. after he started hearing the baby cry - waah! waah! - he thought that was the best way to get attention. so now, when he gets angry, he screams at my wife (here carlos decided to impersonate the cockatiel yet again), waah! waah! waah!"
james and me: (while trying to avoid eye contact) "hmmm."
carlos: "yeah, man. i got to get more stuff."
at this point james and i went into the nook that featured bird accessories in order to snicker about our encounter and carlos went over to pick up some sort of grass bedding for the hamsters. as we left the nook the two of us were surprised to find ourselves, once again, face to face with carlos."
carlos: "you see this grass shit? it's good for the hamsters and - (stopping to affect his best shit-eating grin) good for the owners too! it remind me of my shit."
with this, carlos turned on his heel, walked back towards the register and put his grass on the pile. james and i avoided eye contact yet again and the shopkeeper, who was strangely non-plussed, said simply "taking care of your little friends carlos?"
my friend kevin smith clark often accuses me of being a "crazy magnet." in moments like these, i suspect that he's quite right.
I Was Fired for Not Being a Christian
1 week ago