Friday, May 26, 2006

rear entry gentry and kevin smith clark present: office conversations that make us want to crack f&%#ing skulls

maybe it’s just us, but we think that since seinfeld signed off some eight years ago, intriguing water cooler conversation has slowly gone the way of the buffalo. seinfeld gave us so much: opportunities to replicate the contest, chortles about shrinkage, annoying new greetings…now all we’ve got is gossip about america’s damn idol and britney’s fertility.

so, lest we stalk through our offices with liquid cooled AR-15s, we would like to let you know that any conversation that starts with…

“did you watch idol last night?”

“hi, this is _______, looks like we’re playing phone tag.”

“actually, gas is five cents cheaper at…”

“moving forward..”

“can you believe this weather?”

“is it cold over there? ‘cause i’m freezing over here.”

“where are we going to grab lunch today?”

jEFF?”

makes us want to crack fucking skulls. just though you should know.

if there are particular conversations that you want us to steer clear of, let us know. we’re big on relational reciprocity like that.

6 comments:

Before Girl said...

Might I suggest getting gun range grade ear protectors? The Simth & Wesson site has a great set that blocks out 29 decibles for only $8 and about $8 for shipping. I bought a pair. It's kind of like listening to seashells rather than numbskulls. Plus, I can fit my iPod earphones up under the protector and listen to music in comfort-no talking, no sounds of the warehouse. Great stuff. Plus, the Smith & Wesson logo is sure to steer people clear of you.

james said...

I'm all for middle-aged women not discussing their menopausal situations within the office space.

Kellie said...

OK. I'll tell Cade never to say "moving forward" once he moves in to our house. Because he says that alot you know. But maybe that is just because I talk about celebrity gossip.

g13 said...

not for nothing, but i have no issue with "moving forward." if i did, i would have dispatched alex's ass years ago.

Kellie said...

Maybe Alex was who I was thinking of.... it's been one of those days at work.

Before Girl said...

I second James' idea. I would also like to put forth overhearing conversations to doctors, and more importantly, people who SING under their breath while listening to headphones, either in English or in another language.