musing…

if you read anything about the first or second “great awakening” you are bound to bump into a story or two about a staid, stoic preacher who is utterly transformed in the midst of a sermon. i read one account that carefully explained how the preacher’s countenance completely changed and after the sermon one of the passionate, evangelical parishioner ran around babbling, “the preacher’s been converted, the preacher’s been converted, the preacher’s been converted.”

i must confess that i’ve always found these stories unbearably hokey. as i read the accounts i’m ashamed for the preacher, whose ecstatic experience seems to reveal that she has long been proclaiming something she doesn’t quite believe, as i used to be for those saps i saw raising their arms and, dare i say it, grinding with God in rhythm to some shitty 4Him ballad at a Christian concert.

so if i’m embarrassed for others in that situation, you can imagine how horrifying it is when those conversion experiences unexpectedly overtake me. it doesn’t happen that often, but when it does it is utterly overwhelms me for in an instant i am both reminded that i am the consummate unbelieving believer and astounded by the beauty of a gospel that i just cannot seem to grasp.

i suppose i’m trying to tell you that last night the preacher was converted…and i’m (almost) ashamed to admit it.

stepping out: a young minister explains his issues with contemporary youth ministry

this morning former lurker rob horton sent me a post that explains his reticence towards contemporary youth ministry. from my perspective, this post is a response to wes' earlier piece and dovetails well with josh brown's exodus series. without further adieu:

I recently stumbled into an on-line conversation regarding "youth ministry". The conversation features those who have chosen to continue to serve within the context of a traditional system. I am not qualified to enter the conversation as one of that status. The conversation has inspired me to share some thoughts from my status, i.e., one who no longer has any desire to participate in a traditional system or even participate in an endeavor to redeem and transform a traditional system. Those who are familiar with my recent thoughts will be aware that I find such systems to be contrary to Jesus and His teachings. I have even gone as far as to categorize such systems as: oxymoronic religion.

I do consider myself to be engaged in youth service, given that I am employed as a Service Coordinator for the Missouri Division of Youth Services, and more importantly I am presently parenting two young males.

It appears to me that many involved in "youth ministry" model their approaches after the conventional approaches to "adult ministry". One component of this approach is designating a manager. The adults have someone they refer to as their "pastor" (Latin for shepherd), thus the youth often have someone they can refer to as their "pastor". The initial visible emergence of the Gathering (Church) of the Lord Jesus featured persons who functioned in a shepherd-teacher capacity, but we have no evidence that this included people owning or belonging to such a person. Actually, the Scripture appears to discourage such a relational dynamic.

God communicates through the Scripture that Jesus is our Shepherd. I imagine that Century One Jesus followers would respond to the question "who is you pastor?" by referring to the Lord Jesus. It appears to me that many in conventional systems would respond to the same question by referring to someone other than Jesus. I believe this is something worthy of reevaluating both in the adult world and the youth world. I would like to suggest that those who care for youth, including myself, would be most helpful by encouraging youth to develop in an intimate union with Jesus as their Pastor/Shepherd.

Another approach that is worthy of reevaluating is the attraction emphasis that has dominated the conventional approach to "ministry". Many resources have been invested in the endeavor of attracting and maintaining system engagement. In the arena of "youth ministry" this has often manifested as an ongoing attempt to attract youth to youth events and programs, and provide effective stimulation to motivate ongoing engagement. I would like to suggest that we begin to provide more assistance in the area of releasing youth to engage their peers within their given environments. I believe this would include encouraging youth to embrace an incarnational emphasis.

When it comes to adults engaging with the Spiritual life of youth, it is essential that we engage them on the grounds of mutuality. Such a ground is rare, if not non-existent, in a conventional system. Young Jesus followers are equally capable of contributing to the emergence and development of the family of God as any adult. Lack of years is not a barrier to Jesus expressing Himself through a person. In some cases adults face a barrier of leaning on their own "aged experience" at the expense of a full "child like" dependence upon God's Spirit. I believe it would be advantageous for those who are engaged in assisting youth in their Spiritual development, that they engage the youth as their equals.

The above are merely some seminal thoughts from someone who has presently "ran away" from the traditional system [see Monty Python's "Search for the Holy Grail" – to catch how I am attempting to communicate the expression of running away].

mid-morning time waster: as strange as fiction



this morning i toyed with the idea of posting some thoughts and reflections about spirituality in the workplace. it seems to me that very little has been written about how Christian discipleship can be pursued in the workplace and i think that is lamentable. i would like to write about the importance of spiritual accompaniment, effective encouragement and perhaps even the possibility of well-placed, incarnational exhortation in the workplace.

but since i completely suck at the latter practices, i decided to be superficial instead.

today's question is: which character in the office do you identify with and why?*

as much as i hate to admit it, i have to say that i most readily identify with ryan, the cynical, under-employed intern. much like ryan, i could probably get a more interesting job that is more suited to my qualifications, but for insecurities or some other strange reason i continue to spin the hamster wheel at the SS much like he slogs away his days at dunder-mifflin. further, just like ryan, i am the unwilling object of my bosses' affection. ryan gets ridiculously stupid prank voicemails from michael and has to fend off awkward inquiries about his social life, while i regularly get called into my boss' office to help him decide which pathetically stupid harley-davidson bandana is "cooler" or have to pretend like i'm interested in his assertions that middle-age men who drive the new dodge chargers are not as cool as they think because the new chargers have four doors instead of two. apparently the latter feature of dodge's hemi-endowed sedan is "dorky." finally, in real life ryan is played by b.j. novak, a talented harvard graduate and gifted young writer who has actually wrote a number of last years episodes. although i am not a harvard graduate and would only characterize myself as an adequate young writer, i am planning on writing a number of chuck smith, c.s.s. episodes about my adventure at the SS...if i ever vanquish my inadequacies to the point that i can pursue an occupation that i enjoy and find a way out of this malignant environment. i would also like to tell you a few stories about our office's jan, oscar and angela, but i have to pretend like i'm working.

now you.

* if you do not watch the office please realize that you are a complete (insert your own, preferably non-sexual, put-down here: ). but i suppose we will allow you to remain in our conversation by identifying another TV character that you identify with.

standing firm: young ministers speak out about serving in traditional ministries, vol. 2

this post is by the honorable mayor of destiny u.s.a., mr. aaron monts. when aaron isn't pastoring at a medium size midwestern church he's spending time with his wonderful wife tracy, stirring up controversy and conversation on his excellent site or extracting excessive fees for AKC dog owners who want his dog to serve as stud. i hope that the rest of you are enjoying this series, and the series over at josh brown's blog as much as i am. if you would like to contribute a post to this series, please email me at gentry13@gmail.com.

gentry, ever the man of a million good ideas asked to hear from those who have chosen [for the time being] to stay in the traditional church instead of "running away*" and participating in non-traditional ministry structures... so, without any further ado, here is a glimpse into my mind--and some of the craziness that lies within.

you could say that i'm a glutton for punishment, that i tend to find myself more often than not in some of the worst of ministry situations. it feels as if i'm continually battered and beaten that my spirit, my heart and my passion are "constantly**" abused and destroy my spirit. a dear friend and mentor made the hard observation/comparison that my relationship to the traditional/institutional church is like the woman in an abusive relationship that keeps going back determined that he is going to change... i'd say that nearly nails it on the head.

i find myself in some of the worst situations not because i actively seek them out, but because i long to see change in the church. i desperately want the traditional church structure to be the fully-realized, incarnational hope of the world, the beautiful bride of Christ that it was intended to be. there is a deep desire within (a fire in the bones--if you will), an everlasting sense of optimism (that never seems to die--and if it gets close it always seems to get restored/resurrected) to see the traditional church be what it was meant to be... i long to see it rise up (and help it rise up) from the ashes and usher in the Kingdom like it is supposed to! you can call my desire to play a role in this, my desire to come in and "save the day" a messiah complex, you can even call it an exercise of my ego, but i want to play a part in the traditional church's restoration, in helping restore its glory that is found in Christ.

however, even though this may seem somewhat a noble and honorable reason, i would be remiss and ultimately dishonest if i were not to mention the selfish side of me that keeps me in the traditional church (thus far). i struggle with and continue to have a deep fear of the unknown that resides deep within my being. i lack the faith to step out of the comfortable confines of the traditional church, to seek out the beautiful expressions of doing church that so many are creating and living in non-traditional ways. i stand at a distance and admire many of my friends and former colleagues that have had the chutzpah to step out and follow Christ in complete faith wherever he may lead them, and to do whatever he may call them to do. however for myself, i have not been able to make such a leap. maybe it's God holding me back--or maybe that's just an excuse, but whatever the case it's my hope that God will use me in whatever situation i find myself and that in the end God will find me faithful to the calling he has laid on my life--whatever that may be!

* i use this for lack of better terminology and from a lack of understanding of what some of my fellow brothers and sisters have been through in the traditional church structure... i don't mean for this to offend, nor do i mean it to be understood that i'm 'passing judgment.'

** i'm using this term in a relative sense

so how are you doing?

somewhere between
the losing and the finding
caught in the midst of
the loosing and the binding
stumbling through the wastelands
that separate cross and crown
that’s where you’ll find me
slowly coming unwound

i’m preaching polarities
but living in a tension
using authenticity
to veil things i cannot mention
setting out from the dustbowl
towards fertile, inaccessible ground
that’s where you’ll find me
slowly coming unwound

should a son of Israel
feel so much like an infidel?
can a crippled shepherd
still guard the keep?
this ain’t no pious utterance
but a screaming from the deep

sweet Jesus hear me
rend the curtain
drop the ladder down
i’m fucking tired of this tension
and afraid of
slowly coming unwound

standing firm: young ministers speak out about serving in traditional ministries, vol. 1

when i opened gmail today i was surprised to find several intriguing responses to the question i posed in the previous post. the first response is from wes wilson my: good friend, Bible college roommate and former sacker at albertson's. i hope you enjoy the post. feel free to either respond below or send me a post of your own.

Just two weeks after turning down the US Army halfway through my senior year of high school (back in '96), I found myself being drawn to recent conversations with a person who had been a friend and advisor throughout this whole teenage-adventure-seeking process of joining the military. We had lots of conversations about faith, about ministry, about the confusions of following Christ, and about the ways God works through our lives. He was the youth minister from my home church, a guy who I had found a lot of trust in, even though his personality sometimes was a little "rough around the edges." He mentioned that I should look into one year of Bible college. So I did. Six months later, I went up with a fellow friend and sojourner in the faith from my hometown and we became roommates. The rest is mainly history. I stayed for the entire educational duration, receiving my degree in youth ministry.

Finding myself in various volunteering and part-time youth ministry positions throughout college, I began to seriously wonder if I had made the right decision of devoting my life to youth ministry. Most of those were decent experiences, at best. Most of the time, they were more frustrating and brutally real, dealing with the struggles of extremely distraught youth who lived with parents and families who could care less about them. But nonetheless, I wanted to complete my commitment, and so I did. Three years of being a student ministry intern in New England and one year of searching for the best circumstances for a longterm ministry led me to the position I currently serve within. I've been in this student ministry for just over three years now. Not a day goes by where I wonder if I can minister to teenagers outside the structure and parameters of the traditional church. So, the question arises, "Why do I continue to do my ministry within a traditional church?"

To be quite honest, this question leads me to another more ministry specific question, "Is there any other way for me to fully and openly dive into the lives of teenagers and lead them down the road of discipleship?" Each time I think about this, I almost always say "No." I've thought long and hard about starting a community of teenagers that is all inclusive and leads them into a journey of encountering Christ. But to do that, I need help. Help comes best from adults who have been and are going through the same journey. Sometimes, the tradtional church setting offers some of the most amazing adult volunteers this side of heaven. Also, reaching out and ministering effectively to teenagers requires a decent amount of bling. Believe me when I say I've thought and have even scratched the surface by pursuing other vocations that allow me full-time influence and time spent with teenagers - i.e. teaching, school administration, counseling, etc. But when I look at those, I truly wonder if I would be as happy there as I am with the situation I'm in.

As I say that, I definitely have my moments of total frustration and even bitterness. Working for a church under the title of "Youth Minister" or "Student Minister" is perhaps one of the most frustrating positions ever created. I say that because everyone tends to think in one way or another that they are your boss. Parents are the culmination of this and sometimes, it's enough for me to just say, "Screw it all." Not all parents are like this, but for the most part if they feel their kids aren't being "entertained for Jesus" then I must be a complete idiot and I know nothing. So, I spend a decent amount of my time in conversations, phone calls, emails, meetings, etc. saying that ministry to students is about relationships, not entertainment. I know, relationships is a major ministry buzzword. But I will say, it's what draws students to a deeper level of faith. If you want entertainment, hire a clown or a MTV v.j. if that's what you want. I do some events of high entertainment elements, and it's definitely a lot of fun and well worth the money that it takes. But those events are just one aspect of how I try to approach a fully authentic and committed ministry to teenage students.

On a personal level, I have an extremely hard time dealing with the structures of traditional church. It's pretty safe for me to say that if I wasn't in student ministry, there's no way I could work for a traditional church. For the most part, it is a necessary evil I put up with because I am passionate about ministry to teenagers. The discussions about contempory worship vs. traditional/blended worship, building issues and policies, capital campaigns, attendance, bulletin layouts, newsletter articles, and debates upon debates about stuff like whether or not women can serve communion and how words like "liberal" are evil and how God has ordained the U.S. as the official Kingdom of God on earth. It all just drives me crazy sometimes. Not to mention both the spoken and unspoken competition that comes with established congregations: "We need to do ministry better than XYZ Church down the road." Or, "Isn't that the Jones family from XYZ Church? We must be doing things right, glad they left there to come here." What's really fun is dealing with parents who think a person in my position is ungodly if he listens to other music besides Christian stuff, and enjoys non-Christian music probably more than most Christian music. Or if he owns R rated movies. Heaven forbid if I take pleasure in the great tastes of some very carefully brewed and world renowned beer. But not all parents are like that, and even though some think they are my bosses, I know whom I answer to both in heavean and on earth, and so I feel quite at ease with the blend of my life and ministry.

So, after a really long look at some of my current and re-occuring thoughts as to why I stay in the traditional church setting, I come back to a dream I have. It's a dream where I truly believe one day, in the very presence of God and his saints, I will hear him and others say to me, "It was worth it, wasn't it Wes... it was totally worth it." To that truth alone, it is all totally worth it. It's also worth it when:

- you take students on a mission trip and they see how good we all have it and they begin to break down the barriers of relationship contstraints they have with one another.

- you get to show students how Christ cares, that he's not about our pious rules of Do this and Don't do that. You get to show them that he doesn't stand eons away, looking down at us. He is the incarnate God who walked and died and came back to life - to show us the way as he walked in our own shoes.

- you get to show students that following Christ is not about a set of "5 easy purposes" or showing up on Sunday just to go through the motions. It's a lifelong journey, one of ups and downs... one with hardly any easy answers where canned phrases serve no real purposes. It's a journey that he takes with us, walking with us step by every step.

- you get to show that faith in Christ has many different elements, and yes, doubt sometimes makes it way into our faith. But doubt is not necessarily a horrible thing. It's sometimes through doubt that I've been drawn closest to Christ.

- you get to show teenagers that following Christ is not all about Sunday attentance records with stickers and trophies for those who came 56 straight Sundays in a row. It's more about faithfulness in growing closer to God and to each other... it's about being ourselves, being real, and allowing God to be God in our own lives.

It's worth it in so many other ways too, but those are just to name only a few. Will I be in the full-time student ministry within a traditional church setting for my entire life? I really don't know and most of the time, I think not... but I've learned to never say never...just like I once said vehemently over and over again 4 years ago I would never do ministry in the midwest, and look where I am. Anyone who knows me knows that I desire to pursue various passions in other areas of ministry throughout my life, God willing. But for this indefinite period of my life, I will pursue my ministry within this setting. Will I ever one day say, "Screw it all" and just cash in my chips? It's definitely possible. But I truly hope that I persevere through those moments so that when I enter the presence of the Almighty, I hear him and his saints say, "It was worth it Wes... it was totally worth it."

five minute book review: spanking the donkey by matt taibbi

my beloved brother ass introduced me to taibbi's writing about a month ago. i suppose that one could characterize taibbi as a political satirist, but i think that he more closely resembles an absurd form of political prophet. in spanking the donkey taibbi traces the trails of the 2004 political candidates and tries to maintain his sanity throughout the process. early on in his electoral adventures, taibbi concludes that the whole electoral process is a mere sham that is shaped more by the desires of corporate media than it is about real political issues. thus, he protests the absurdity of the presidential race by following john kerry through the streets of new hampshire, and ultimately interviewing him, while in a monkey suit and, in a latter scene, getting hopped up on two hits of acid and dressing in a viking outfit before conducting an interview with kerry's chief press person. occasionally taibbi also pursues stories in a more traditional manner by pursuing the opinions of the poor on the presidential race, doing a bit of brilliant investigative reporting by going undercover as an operative in the florida for bush campaign and conducting a number of intriguing interviews with figures such as dennis kucinich. my only complaint about the book is that the pieces are incredibly uneven insofar some of the pieces are simply brilliant, while others, such as the lengthy wimblehack piece, feel incredibly forced and are ultimately boresome. however, this is a typical weakness of books that contain a compendium of essays (for another example, see chuck klosterman's sex, drugs and coco puffs) and, in the end, does not detract too much from the quality of the book.

so, if you are intrigued by the potential but sickened by the reality of politics and are not easily offended by drug-induced political reporting you should take a few hours to spank the donkey.

“i didn’t have no plans to live this kind of life, naw, it just worked out that way”

this week my blog buddy josh brown is posting a series called the exodus which is going to feature a number of posts by young church leaders who have decided to leave or forego service in traditional church ministries. i am really looking forward to this series and, as i mentioned on josh’s blog, i would also be interested to read a follow up series by young church leaders who have decided to stay and serve in traditional church structures.*

anyway, i’m not writing for josh’s series because i’m on the wrong side of 25 and i’ve never been a paid, professional Christian. however, if i told you that i haven’t asked myself why i haven’t taken the more traditional route a thousand times i’d be lying. as the title of this post suggests i never really planned to be a part of a home church or invest myself in an expansive Christian conversation like emergent. i just set out to follow Christ and serve the church and this is the road i’ve found myself walking. i suppose i provide additional reasons that i’m not serving in a traditional setting - such as my hatred of censorship, my inability to either construct or tolerate topical sermons and the simple fact that i’ve never been offered a paid position in a church – but it’s getting late and i don’t really feel like getting into all that stuff.

however, before i head to bed i would like to tell you one little story that might shed a little light on why i love non-traditional church structures.

last night i had a few free moments so i decided to join the good folks at the gathering in salem for worship. i hadn’t been at the gathering space for more than five minutes before a young man, whom we’ll call neifi, walked up and introduced himself to me. as much as i hate to confess my tendencies towards superficiality, i must admit that the first thing i noticed about neifi was that he spoke with a rather profound lisp. after i introduced myself and we spoke for a moment i also realized that neifi was sporting some pretty funky braids in his hair and he had a rather iconoclastic homemade tattoo on one of his arms.

i should note that running into quirky individuals at the gathering was not a new experience for me. under the guidance of pastor phil this community has become one of the most inclusive and powerfully incarnational churches on the north shore. come to think of it, their commitment to inclusiveness is probably one of the main reasons they’ve chosen to serve beside sinners and saints.

okay, i said this was a short story, so i best be getting to the point. after we had worshipped God through song, chant, scripture and prayer, pastor phil said that neifi had asked for the floor and he encouraged neifi to speak. neifi was sitting right beside me, and i could tell he was a little nervous, but he eventually got up and said that he wanted to apologize before the church to karen, a woman across the room who was handicapped and whose face bore testimony to a rather hard life, because he hadn’t listened carefully to her needs and, as a result, he had not bought her a birthday present that she needed. neifi mentioned that he had since bought her another birthday present and would like for it to be given on behalf of the congregation. moreover, neifi asked if before we gave her the presents we could gather around karen, lay hands upon her and pray.

so with nary a moment of hesitation, the folks at the gathering got out of their seats, encircled karen and her faithful dog, who remains by her side even in church, laid hands upon her and prayed. as we stood around karen, thanking God for her birth and asking Him to provide her with provisions, i am pretty sure a lump began to rise in my throat. i couldn’t believe that neifi, who i had prejudged as a bit of a sissy and immediately assumed was an outsider to the way of Jesus, had led us into this simple, yet unmistakably holy moment. at the beginning of the evening i had eyed neifi with a bit of suspicion, but by the end of the service i was proud to call him my brother and had begun to suspect that at some level he was really my co-laborer in Christ.

now maybe i’m a being a bit cynical here - God knows it wouldn’t be the first time - but i don’t think most traditional churches would either welcome neifi into their presence and/or provide a community context in which he would be accepted and encouraged to grow in the grace of Christ. that’s why, from my perspective anyway, it’s so important for there to be Christian communities on the margins, in the projects and in a thousand other out of the way places, for sometimes it’s only in those unexpected places of little repute that those who’ve been constantly beat on, ratted on and spat upon can connect with the God-man who turned the world upon it’s head by proclaiming God’s blessing upon the poor and promising that theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven.

* i am serious about seeing this series make it into (blog)print. if you are a young leader and would like to explain why you are serving within a traditional church structure please email your post to me at gentry13@gmail.com. i'll read your post and if it is honest, charitable and fairly well written will post it in this space.