Tuesday, March 28, 2006

show and tell

i have been known to walk, talk and preach in my sleep, but unlike many others (hi there, holli-brooke) i have never had many lucid dreams. but last night was an exception to the rule.

it all started when i stumbled into our bathroom and was startled to find that it was literally splattered with shit. there was shit smeared on the windows, shit caked in the crevice between the handle of the flusher and the basin, and our hand towels, which had apparently been used in lieu of sanitary paper, were smeared with shit. as soon as the stench of shit hit my nostrils, i knew who perpetrator was an old acquaintance who has, dare i say, less than reputable hygienic tendencies.

so i had my old college buddy matt woodrow drive me down to the corner store where this fellow kept a satellite office. after a quick interrogation, i wrestled a confession out of the bastard, found out how he entered our locked house – i figured the basement window was his most likely point of access, but it turns out that he used wayne newton’s backstage door instead – and, grasping him firmly by the neck, i physically forced him into the backseat of the car.

once we got back to the house, i vehemently berated the guilty party while he cleaned and disinfected every inch of that bathroom. after he finished, i resisted the urge to physically harm him, but i made damn sure he knew that his life would be in jeopardy if he ever shit stained our bathroom again.

what’s the moral of the story? if you ever decide to spray shit all over our bathroom, there will be hell to pay.

i also had a more peaceful dream that focused on negro league baseball, stowe, vermont and chicken cordon-bleu. but my show and tell time is now up.

10 comments:

ali said...

When you woke from this dream, did you have to go to the bathroom?

g13 said...

nope. but the dizzle did.

cade said...

i usually blow things up in my dreams. what does that mean?

g13 said...

that you dream of being bill self?

james said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
james said...

Is it possible your dream was partly from your fear of that nasty batch of veggie oil we just converted into fuel? You know, just the whole "basement window" and everything...

cade said...

1982.

g13 said...

retraction.

junkyardlove said...

To see or come in contact with feces, signifies aspects of yourself that are dirty and negative and which you believe to be undesirable and repulsive. You need to acknowledge and express these feelings, even though it may be shameful. Release the negativity in your life. Alternatively, it may also refer to someone who is anal retentive.

To dream that you are unable to dispose of the feces, suggests that you are unwilling to let go of your emotions. You have a tendency to hold in and keep your feelings to yourself.

According to Freud, feces is related to possession, pride, shame, money/financial matters, or aggressive acts.


I dream vividly of tornados all the time. Last week, it was terrifying sky full of them.

g13 said...

of course, freud also says that i want to off my father so i can get on my mother. so i'm going to take his approach with a grain of salt.

part of the interpretation did make good sense though. i do have a problem propery expressing my emotions. i hold onto them until they begin to slowly rot inside of me.

that's why i've started "tivo"ing oprah. somehow, that uncannily spiritual, relationally saavy, binge and purger has taught me how to raise my underachieving "e.q."

thanks for the quirky comment james the girl. it made me laugh.