mid-afternoon time waster: your customer secret service exam
thank you for applying for lightway’s customer secret service position! we know that you have a spectacular talk time, are an aggressive, god-centered up-seller and are among the most efficient at return resolution within our company. however, it takes more than excellent metrics to join the C.S.S., you are going to have to show us that you are a mature christian man or woman that can resolve every conceivable issue with grace and truth. please answer the following questions carefully. your future in under-employment will depend on it!
1. on monday morning a customer calls to request a return authorization for the plastic locust bugs from the “god’s exciting exodus!” series. like many difficult conversations, this exchange has the possibility of escalating into a major customer crisis. please read the dialogue carefully and pick the best response to the situation.
customer: “i received 15 locust bugs and would like to return each $3 piece for a $45 credit.”
c.s.s. rep: “ma’am, you actually returned 12 pieces, so upon receipt of return you will receive a $36 credit.”
customer: “you don’t UNDERSTAND. IT SAYS I RECEIVED 15 PIECES ON MY PACKING SLIP.”
c.s.s. rep: “ma’am, i’m afraid you might be reading our, admittedly rather complicated, packing slips incorrectly. you actually received…”
customer: “YOU’RE SAYING I CAN’T READ? YOU’RE THE ONE WHO CAN’T COMMUNICATE!”
c.s.s. rep: “ma’am, if we can talk like adults here, i’m sure we can resolve this issue in an efficient and effective manner.”
customer: “I AM TALKING LIKE AN ADULT! HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME OF SPEAKING OTHERWISE? WHO ARE YOU TO ACCUSE A CUSTOMER IN SUCH A MANNER.”
at this perilous point in the conversation do you…
a) apologize to the customer by saying, “i am sorry that you did not like my response. would you like to speak to my c.s.s. handler about this matter?”
b) follow the trusty dictum “the customer is always right,” by telling the customer, “okay, you can return all fifteen pieces and upon receipt of return we will credit you $45.”
c) respond to the irate customer by saying the following: “no ma’am, you are speaking like a petulant child. now if you will just calm down for one moment we will resolve this issue together.
d) scrunch up your voice and fake a static noise into the receiver before hanging up on the customer and hoping that she receives another c.s.s. representative when she calls in again.
those who answer today’s question correctly will proceed to question #2, which will be posted tomorrow.