memorandum from captain random

before we begin, let’s stop and mutter a prayer for those poor souls throughout the south who will be squirming in the pews while the preacher spews apocalyptic fury tonight.

speaking of the south, my day started with a bang when a sales rep penned an email that began “JELLO JAY, I WAS JUST ABOUT TO JUMP INTO THE SHOWER, BUT I WANTED TO EMAIL YOU THESE CHANGES FIRST.” this is the same representative who has recently explained her old maid status to me, suggested that one of our customers might be easy to deal with now that she’s “getting laid” and who calls me to develop a sales strategy on a daily basis. i wanted to immediately respond by: a) suggesting that she never call me jay again, b) pointing out to her that typing in all caps violates internet etiquette 101 and c) affirming to her, once again, that if i wanted to relate with overly familiar strangers, i’d move to dallas. however, after my second cup of coffee took the edge off and i remembered that she can only respond to one suggestion at a time, i only included admonition a.

does anyone believe that bush’s revitalized advocacy of a constitutional amendment against gay marriage is anything more than a blatant attempt to bolster his base? anyone? anyone?

work has been almost bearable lately. i suspect that the latter condition is directly linked to the conclusion of american idol.

so i just received a third chatty, hell i'd say it borders on flirty, email from my batty old rep. i will now burn my clothes and take an hour long shower.