memorandum from daddy random



how'd you like that new title?! yeah, i hate it too. i'd love to blame global warming, the recent advent of my only son and rectangle's recently re-inforced draconian internet policy for my lack of posting, but i confess that the.problem.with.this.blog.is.me.

last weekend, dr. james, agent b and many others (though not nearly enough...join us next year!) attended the God for those who hate church conference over at the gathering space in salem. although i'm one of the many attendees who generally abhor conferences* i really enjoyed the experience. highlights included a showing of frisbee: the life and death of a hippie preacher,** jim henderson's*** unexpectedly intriguing discussion of non-institutional forms of christianity in india and hanging out with karen ward of church of the apostles and tony jones of emergent. however,**** my favorite part of the conference were the little vignettes provided by pastor phil. there was one moment on friday night when pastor phil asked the audience whether any of us had ever felt like we were currently walking through a swamp, constantly wondering whether our next step forward would land on something solid or send us plummeting into the waters below. for some reason in that moment tears welled in my eyes***** and i was, for a moment, awash in a deep communion that seemed to bind those of us who had gathered. it seems to me that pastor phil is a broken man who is not not called to bind wounds so much as he is to call the broken together through friendship, word and song, so that together we can await the healer.

although i should be giving the cardinals well-deserved world champion free pass this year, i must confess that they are fucking killing me. right now i am one click away from espn.com and two clicks away from a live mlb.tv feed, yet i can't bring myself to look. ugh, for good reason. that holliday kid always sticks an alou-sized shiv in us.

that's all for now. there's more to say about how amazing it is to invest one's days in a mission worth believing in and how wonderful my pixie like wife is, but those thoughts will have to wait. much peace, much love.

* i have quite enough pissing contests with co-workers and cubs fans, thank you very much!
** a documentary i'd been waiting to see for almost a year and a half and, when watched, twisted my teeny white panties in a thousand little knots. this documentary raises all sorts of questions about how the church attempts to water down the passion and the glory of the kingdom and how christians of all shapes and leadership sizes carefully manipulate the charisms of individuals in order to satiate our personal ambitions.
*** i'm sure others expected more. call me philistine.
**** and i'm not just saying this to kiss ass!
***** uncle freddy always says that any onrush of tears, especially over a crusty old bastard such as myself, should be received as an immediate call to attention for in those rare moments something beautiful, good and true is likely taking place.

musing...

sometimes i suspect that pastoral ministers are not all that different from sin eaters. based upon the very limited research that i have completed, i've learned that sin eaters were a group of societal outcasts who took the sins of the dead upon themselves by eating a ritual meal of bread and ale that was either passed over or laid upon a fresh corpse. by eating the bread and drinking the ale the sin eater supposedly set the dead free from a life of roaming and, presumably, set the aggrieved family free from the terror of haunting.

likewise, every day pastors sit beside dying marriages, corroding churches and, worst of all, their devolving selves and somehow find the strength to eat the bread and drink the wine. like the sin eaters of old they then tromp off to their secluded study, prayer closet or take a solitary walk in hopes that the sin they've absorbed and the fucked up messes they are now entangled in will somehow be resolved or reconciled in hope that the people involved therein might be renewed or reborn. in sum, pastors decend into the dens of the dead as Jesus did before them and, on their best days, do not venture forth without hope.

as pastors sit beside the dead, devour the bread and sip the cup, is it any wonder that their own lives are often strained to the breaking point? does it not take great faith to wake the dead for a living and constantly endure the darkness in hope of a new day?

time and again i hear people denounce and lament the brokenness of these sin eaters. while i don't deny either the unfortunate causes or effects of such brokeness, i'm honestly amazed that any endure this dark descent.

so today, as i think about my brother and sister sin eaters and the horrors they endure on account of Christ i tremble. i want to extend more grace and mercy to those who share this horribly beautiful calling. moreover, on my better days, i want to extend this same grace to myself.

i probably shouldn't write about such matters in such a careless manner. but so it goes.

somewhere between the losing and the finding


i am as confounded as i am content. i am so deeply grateful to finally have someone who is flesh of my flesh and bone of my bone, but terrified that i will not be able to provide for my family. i finally have a job that converges somewhat with my calling, but doesn't pay the mortgage and only tangentially relates to my greatest strength. i constantly want to proclaim the goodness, beauty and truth of God, but can only rarely find the words. i'm an ex-aspiring theologian who leans towards calvinism yet finds himself whispering to those broken by Christ's body that people are only christians insofar as they follow Christ.

it's in moments like these that i envy my Christian brothers and sisters that serve in more traditional settings and cling to a more established branches of theology. these are days when, in an ecclesiological sense, i feel like "throwing the country a through k rack in the middle of the streets and going to work for a virgin mega store." but here i quake and can do no other.

well that was one hell of a birthday present! cards 12, cubs 9

last year the cubs swept us on my birthday weekend and my year was one of the worst on record. this year the cards ground out the series to take 2 out of 3 and apu capped off the whole thing by shivving dempster lidge-style. methinks this year will be one to remember.

on another note: little preston sat on my lap throughout the 9th inning and so witnessed daddy striking the wall. welcome to cardinals/cubs little guy!

overheard...

"We have been beaten in Iraq, despite all our firepower and all our money. And as soon as the last US soldier leaves that hellhole in the desert, the Right is going to start blaming the media and the Left and the anti-war conservatives for causing us to lose Iraq." - rod dreher on the crunchy cons blog

over the past six months many military hawks have realized that their early support for bush's bungle is as indefensible as a cultured person's passion for american idol. upon hearing these confessions a part of me wants to chortle "see i told you so" but a larger part of me feels pity for family and friends who've had to stutter forth such statements of repentance.

overheard...

a little over a month ago sean poirier, a well-known salem witch, died unexpectedly. in the days that followed, pastor phil wyman had the privilege of accompanying sean's friends and family through this difficult time. in beyond the pall pastor phil reflects on the importance of honoring and celebrating the life of those who may not share our theology or walk the same paths, yet are inescapably bound to us by their own beauty, truth and irreducible humanity. i suspect that sean and phil were brothers and know for certain that both their lives and the city of salem is the better for it.

overheard...


"When a child is born, a father is born. A mother is born too, of course, but at least for her it's a gradual process. Body and soul, she has nine months to get used to what's happening. But even for the best-prepared father, it happens all at once. On the other side of the plate-glass window, a nurse is holding up something roughly the size of a loaf of bread for him to see for the first time. Even if he should decide to abandon it forever ten minutes later, the memory will nag him to the grave. He has seen the creation of the world. It is his mark upon it. He has its mark upon him. Both marks are, for better or worse, indelible." - Frederick Buechner

and a little child shall lead them...


i probably shouldn't say anything about children of men because it's a film i have not even begun to absorb. but if you preach, teach or are simply intrigued by the story of moses, the life of christ and/or any number of assorted bodhisattvas you should invest two hours in this film. somehow this film simultaneously reveals the depths the human stain while reminding us to whom the beauty, truth and goodness of God ultimately belong. i could go on about the immaculate imagery of moses in the bulrushes or discuss the cuaron's implicit condemnation of the "fish." but instead, just this once, i'm going to revel in a film like i've always wanted to revel in the revelation of saint john. namely, by sitting back, letting the imagery slide over me and listening for the whispers that emanate from within.

i realize that the fact that we just welcomed a son into the world might be leading me straight into hyperbole, but i'd have to say that children of men was better than any film i saw in 2006. in my estimation, the producers of the film only made one trifling mistake: they should have released it on december 25th.

introducing: preston alan james gentry

our son was born on tuesday, april 10th at 4:45 pm. he weighed 8 lbs, measures 21 and 3/4 inches long and has inherited my monkey toes. i'm sure i'll find more to say about this event, but until then i thought you might enjoy a few of tabitha sherrell's beautiful pics.





okay i will say one more thing. our friends and family have been a wonderful support during this important time. special props to brooke wilcox for tending to kellie and myself throughout the birth, becky for tending to parents while we were at the hospital and kellie and i's family for venturing out in order to welcome little preston to the world. also, many thanks to everyone who gave so generously and so ensured that we were well supplied for preston's arrival.

musing...

last night, while sitting on the couch watching friday night lights, i confessed to brooke that i haven't had a very holy lent. for the most part i've kept my fast and i've even spent a little more time in prayer, but in general this has not been a season filled with the honest personal assessments and extended periods of reflection that, for me at least, befit this season of repentance.

instead it has been a season of anxiously awaiting preston's birth, scrambling to adjust to the interpersonal demands and intermittent political struggles that often characterize my work and learning to invest more fully in my beautiful, pixie of a wife and growing family.

thus, to a very real degree, i do not think that i have extended much effort towards communing and incarnating Christ throughout the past forty days. and yet, and yet, in the midst of a conversation with becky this morning i realized that regardless of my efforts God is in the process of reconnecting me with my own blood by giving me a son, winding the paths of a couple of beloved old friends back towards beverly and investing heavily in the beauty, truth and goodness of our community by bringing miss aubuchon into our midst.

as with jacob before me, even in the midst of my apathy and open rebellion, God continues to give good gifts. i suppose that by this point i shouldn't be surprised by God's grace, but i am. moreover, i have a sneaking suspicion that my forty days of failure have led me towards the heart of a truly holy lent.

i am so thankful.

a feeble request...


if you find yourself channel surfing on wednesday nights, please tune in to NBC and turn on to friday night lights. failing that, you can catch up with this amazing series by watching every episode online for free.

listen, i'll be the first to admit that FNL is not a perfect show. occasionally the plot drivers are inane,* the writers constantly underestimate the way that faith shapes the culture of small southern towns and, as drunken bee over at televisionwithoutpity.com has noted on a number of occasions, the portrayal of teen life is a tad bit idealized.**

however, the show consistently portrays the beauty and promise that suckers even cynics such as myself into interpersonal relationships, while never flinching from the conflicts and complications that never cease to ensnare. in addition, i think that nbc has done a grave disservice to the show by marketing it as a sports drama when most of the compelling characters are women such as the coach's wife, who is played to perfection by tami britton, and the hub of the show is the family life of the taylor's, not the panthers pursuit of the texas state football title. i'm amazed that the legions of folks who bitch and moan about the dearth of family friendly t.v. are constantly tuning in to narcissistic, meaningless drivel like american idol while excellent, critically acclaimed shows like FNL are ignored into extinction.

i know that i've beat the FNL drum in this space before, but i'm still convinced that if enough you take a moment to listen to the tune you will eventually fall in line.

on a wholly unrelated note: the cardinals are in the process of getting curbed by the mets again. while i can't say that i like losing, i must admit that i'm surprised that the MVP3 core of rolen, edmonds and pujols carried the team this far.*** after 2004 i predicted that the team had taken its best shot and was on the road to rebuilding. who knew that after 2004 the team had one very good season and one unexpectedly magical season left in them? so be it.

* like last week's tragic train wreck that resulted in the football field of dreams.
** i.e., the students are a little too good looking and they party to the sounds of tragically hip indie pop instead of the steve miller band.
*** and by this far i mean the 2006 world series championship. still can't get over that one.

memorandum from captain random

i should be finishing the audacity of hope or journaling my dreams for my soon-to-be born son or something, but i’m watching baseball instead. so, in lieu of watching commercials, i’m going to share random shit with you for the next couple of hours. aren’t you the golden child?

joe buck just openly stated that david wright is becoming the “poster boy of new york baseball.” hmmm, i wonder why…let’s see, there are two much better latino players on his team, a superior latino and african-american on the yankees, hmmm, why is it that david is garnishing all those covers right now???

chris carpenter is missing his next start with an inflamed elbow. i think i just threw up in my mouth.

i'm glad that the cardinals just his into their fifth double play in eleven innings, because it gives me more time to blog. speaking of which, lately i've found myself longing for the holy rhythms of liturgy. the older i get, the more beauty i find in the way that lent deepens my experience not only of the resurrection, but also of spring, and i could say the same thing about advent. it seems to me that if we do not choose to let the seasons of the church shape our experience of worship, then other, likely less inspired impetuses, such as our individual creativity or rick warren's most recent book, will shape our worship instead. i grew up in churches that pulled out all the stops for the fourth of july, mothers day, fathers day and even grandparents day, but never spoke a word of ash wednesday, pentecost or maundy thursday. from my perspective, shooting red, white and blue streamers out of a celebration canon on the fourth of july, but ignoring lent altogether is, uh, pretty stupid.

why can't i get these damn blogger fonts to work?! insert curses and invectives here: .

ok, i'll admit it. i think the cardinals are either going to win the division or secure fourth place. if they can find a way to do the latter - and, believe me, i've learned not to doubt walt jocketty, et al too much - that'll be great. and if they can't...oh well, we won the 2006 world series and this aging team has had a hell of a run.

in the midst of the tiny delay before baby preston arrives, kellie has cooked our books and we've considered the costs of daycare. so, i guess what i'm trying to say is, i really need a part-time job that pays relatively well. if you're interested in hiring me for 10-15 hours a week or know someone who is, let me know. if not, no worries! i've heard that there are a couple of massage parlors down by logan that are hiring.

if you haven't seen the south park wheel of fortune episode - which is a send up of the whole michael richards at the laugh factory event - then you probably shouldn't watch it. that clip is really, really offensive.

rolen just got picked off. way to go, hoosier! at least you didn't barrel into delgado and re-injure your shoulder.

brad lidge gave up a solo shot to ruin oswalt's start on opening day? shocker. that guy is about fifteen blown starts away from going mark wholers on the astros.

outfield defense. anyone? anyone?

joe buck, verbatim: "spezio is one of the better hitters this team has to offer." houston, we have a problem.

ok, i'm even boring myself. hopefully when you hear from me next, i'll be a father. here's to hope...and naming children after britney's baby.

five minute book review

over the past couple of weeks i have been overwhelmed by both the power of Jesus' teaching "not to judge, lest you be judged with the same measure" and my apparent inability to live without making snap, often vicious, judgments of others. my sensitivity to such judgments was part of the reason i posted that indefensible brief piece about tony la russa last week. like keith law said on espn insider,* drunk driving is a much more dangerous and life threatening mistake than pumping up anabolic steroids. thousands of people whose lives, including my own, have been impacted by drunk driving can attest that driving after you've had too much, even if that means sipping three glasses of wine instead of two, is not only a personal mistake but a wholly indefensible anti-social act. so the point of that post was to poke fun of myself for my irrational judgments and try to walk a mile in a bonds' supporters shoes.

anyway, i cannot talk my bent towards irrational and spiteful judgments without briefly referencing the deep prejudice i have lately harbored towards those who support the gop. seven years ago, i was incredibly ambivalent about the election of george w. bush and even found myself thankful for his apparent leadership after 9/11. however, after an apparently poorly executed war in afghanistan, an unnecessary war against iraq and six years of fiscally irresponsible and ethically challenged governance by the gop, i have begun to assume that all republicans are bellicose, neo-con, rampant individualists who care little about the collective good and are much more concerned with joey shacking up with donny than they are about responsible fiscal policy and discerning international policy. in fact, over the past couple of years i grew so weary of bush, his neo-con handlers and the reagan republicans that i even voted for john kerry, which, i must admit, was not something i really wanted to do.

i mention my rancor not to stir partisan debate,** but to confess that my tendency to paint all republicans with the same brush is air-tight evidence of my foolishness. i've never been more convicted of my foolishness than i was after i finished devouring crunchy cons by rod dreher.*** in rod's wonderful, progressive-republican manifesto he constantly challenges the moral libertarianism of the left, the free-trade at all costs, sit back and trust the market economic libertarianism of the right and, most importantly, calls the readers to actively subvert the mindless consumerism and meaningless relativism of our culture by thoughtfully conserving the elements of our personal, political and communal lives that are most beautiful good and true. if i could make every democrat and republican i know read this powerful little tome, i would. though i do not agree with dreher on every point (i.e., i wonder whether it makes much sense in the current environment to support an administration which superficially supports many of my ethical stances while actively attempting to unravel the mores and folkways of foreign nations; and i'm not convinced that well-intentioned educational separatism is the best way to approach our children's education) by the time i closed the book i was convinced that i had much, much more in common with crunchy conservatives than i do with many liberal democrats.

i've already gone past my five minute limit, but should probably note that dreher not only utilizes his pages to carefully explain how crunchy conservatives approach topics such as consumerism, food, education and the environment, but he also tells story after story of crunchy conservatives who are raising excellent organic meat,**** building a persuasive case for animal rights and developing family lives that are focused on blessing the world instead of cursing it. here are a few quotes from the book to whet your appetite.

"the first idol crunchy cons have to smash is efficiency, the guiding principle of free markets, but an unreliable guide to building institutions that serve human nature and human community. we have to start living by our ideals, judging things not by what works most efficiently, but by what's good, what's true, what's beautiful - in other words, what's right" (ibid., 229)

"crunchy conservatism is a way of life that calls for a change of culture. it's about returning to tradition, in the face of rampant and energetic consumerism, to reclaim a way of life that's richer, more satisfying, more grounded, more sustainable, more meaningful and, in the end, more authentically joyful than what mainstream american life offers" (238)

"when we had matthew, we moved to a slightly bigger place in brooklyn, but a year or two later, when matthew became mobile, our cozy cobble hill apartment seemed awfully crowded. thus did the dream of home ownership take deeper hold of our imaginations.
(i know, i sound like a commercial for a mortgage broker, but if you're like me, you'll find as you grow older a strange new respect for the middle-class cliches you spent your smart-ass youth making fun of. knife. fork. crow" (97-98).

okay, i've gone on for waaay more than five minutes. but i hope you read this book. i believe that crunchy cons focuses more on what binds us together than the ideologies than rend us apart. for that reason, i think it's a wonderful companion to barak obama's the audacity of hope.

* a pay only site that i loathe and yet cannot seem to separate myself from.
** which i will not participate in after i post this steaming piece of shit.
*** many thanks to rick for the recommendation.
**** oh how i wish i could frequent texas supernatural meats!

do you love me?


this morning, as i lazed in bed beside my beautiful pixie like wife and awaited the birth of our first child, i spoke of the things i love in relation to my love for the saint louis cardinals. since the cardinals open their defense of their 10th world series championship this evening, i thought i'd let you in on our conversation.

the gold standard for this conversation is the cardinals winning their 11th world series championship. everything else in my life is arranged in relation to how important that one event is. i.e., if dizzy is ranked at +11, that means i love her 11% more than the cardinals winning their next championship. conversely, if finishing seminary at gordon-conwell theological seminary ranks at -30, that means i value my seminary education 30% less than the cardinals. got it? if the concept is still a little hazy in your mind, feel free to drop a comment asking me to rank the importance of a public figure, a book, movie, ideology or any thing else that relates to my life. i think that my response will give you a clearer glimpse of the complete picture.*

pixie: +20.2**
papa: +20.1
preston: +15
james and brooke: +11.1
dizzy dean: +11
sinners and saints christian community: +11
saint francis: +3
personal literacy: +1.4
world peace: push
orgasm: push
the gold standard: the cardinals win! the cardinals win! their 11th world series championship!
orgasm: push
world peace: push
the beverly public library: -1.2
kevin smith flicks: -2
friday night lights: -2.3
harry potter and the deathly hallows: -2.5
the emergent conversation: -3
sinners and saints' fourth annual wild at heart weekend: -4
coffee: - 15
coffee at michelle's diner: -21
obstetricians: -37***

* which, for the record, is not a schooner. you dumb bastard.
** there was some deliberation over whether pixie was 20.1 and papa was 20.2 or the final ranking that you see above. but, since the pixie is sitting right here and she has a number of wily skills at her disposal she won out.
*** fyi: they hate women.

out of context: phyllis tickle

But would you place the emerging church with Evangelicalism, or it is something else?"No, it’s not evangelicalism. American religion has four, pretty much equally divided, quadrants. Evangelicalism is one of them, charismatic Pentecostalism is another, the old mainline or social just Christians is a third quadrant, and then the liturgicals. And where the quadrants meet in the center there’s a vortex like a whirlpool and they are blending. So, much of the political energy is evangelical. There’s no question about that. Much of the religious energy is Pentecostal, but that’s combined with the strong ballast of social consciousness and of applied gospel that comes out of the mainline. And into the mix comes the liturgical traditions with the great gifts of the heritage of the church."

- as quoted on leadership today's out of ur

as much as i respect phyllis tickle, and as foolish as i undoubtedly am for cutting across her path, i think that her representation of the emergent conversation is a little idealistic. although the conversation itself should not be defined as evangelical the leading voices in the conversation have evangelical roots and, from my perspective anyway, often appear to be speaking out of and reacting against that tradition. moreover, although there are a number of strong, persuasive pentecostal voices within the conversation (emanating forth from leaders such as kevin rains and phil wyman) i believe that much of the spiritual energy within the conversation flows forth from liturgical and contemplative traditions, not from modern pentecostalism.

i realize that as westerners we often feel a need to define things so that we can properly categorize and compare such things with other things.* but i think that at this point emergent, which i would still argue is a conversation rather than an institution or ideology, is difficult if not impossible to define. that is not to say that phyllis' definition is not flattering. in fact, i suspect that most of the participants in the conversation would be ecstatic if, at some point in the not to distant future, phyllis' idealistic definition of emergent squares with "reality."

of course, that's only my opinion. i could be wrong. what do you think?

* wow, is that precise prose or what?

gentry's judgment: tony la russa


for those of you who haven't heard, tony la russa was picked up last night for a dui. tony had a .093 bac, which basically means he had three glasses of wine instead of two. furthermore in 2006, after eleven years of dedicated service to the cardinals organization, tony led the redbirds to their 10th world series championship. on account of the world series championship, tony's immediate confession and heartfelt apology and tony's deep commitment to the arf foundation, gentry gives tony: a free pass.

tony la russa you are forgiven!. but take heed, my grace is not a license to sin but an opportunity to pursue #11.

five minute movie review: jesus camp

on friday night kellie and i watched jesus camp, a "documentary" that follows a pentecostal children's minister as she conducts local rallies in support of the summer camp that is supposed to serve as the film's centerpiece.

both kellie and i found the film to be ideologically simplistic, poorly edited and, we suspect, offensive to most intelligent viewers. throughout the film the director's juxtapose scenes of a progressive evangelical talk show host, who works for the soon-to-be-defunct air america and reminds us that Jesus' teachings were a tad more subversive than the average republican platform, with admittedly excessive scenes of pentecostal worship in which children are urged to extend their hands and pray in tongues over a cardboard cut-out of george bush and little ones are castigated for sins like swearing and urged to wash away their impurities with a couple drops of aquafina.* the film stumbled and stammered in search of a cohesive theme, which i suspect might have been the justice sunday rallies and the eventual election of supreme court justice samuel alito, but, obviously was never developed really well. moreover the narrative arc of the story was quite confusing, as in one scene we were in acme christian center only to be transported to north dakota in the next, which was followed by an eerie scene in which ted haggard denounced homosexuality from his former pulpit at new life church in colorado** and a clip from an ad hoc abortion protest in washington d.c.

i fear that the few who take this "documentary" seriously will be terrified of a future war between radical pentecostal armies who laden their young with guilt and train their children to be strict constructionists arrayed on one side and progressives and liberals who are impudent assholes who lack the ability to graciously consider divergent opinions and believe that the only way to combat vile propaganda is with vile propaganda lined up on the other. further, the gullible consumer will likely not know that there are people like randall balmer, author of thine eyes have seen the glory and the more recent thy kingdom come: an evangelical's lament as well as rod dreher, author of the incredibly intriguing crunchy cons, who hold strong partisan opinions while simultaneously listening to their political opponents and passionately searching for a middle ground.

i swear, rudolf hess made more of a feign towards objectivity than heidi ewing and rachel grady, the directors of this steaming pile of subjectivist shit, did. the directors, editor and everyone else involved with jesus camp receive no points and may the viewing public have mercy upon their soul.

on a more positive note, if you are genuinely interested in a thorough, yet charitable, liberal perspective on american evangelicalism, due yourself a favor by picking up james ault's spirit and flesh or randall balmer's aforementioned thine eyes have seen the glory and dropping jesus camp to the bottom of your queue.

* which is a registered trademark of the coca-cola company. all rights reserved.
** a scene which raised an obvious question: ted, why didn't you just pay the "masseuse" his $100?

musing...

i realize that you have to dance with the devil in every industry. customer service agents have to surrender fair and just resolutions to the whim of the customer, whose money is always right. church leaders cannot set their sights solely on effective ministry, but must constantly validate their "success" with incremental, and exponential if you are really blessed by God, increases in nickels and noses. and, unfortunately, in my industry you have to constantly handle everyone as though they are a pretty, pretty princess by couching admonitions in affirmations and constantly submitting sound, loving discernment to the emotional whims of - and government subsidized dollars provided by - the individual.

so yeah, i understand the need to dance with the devil, furiously compromising one's means in the hopes of attaining noble ends. but i f*cking hate dancing as much as i hate karaoke and find it really hard to believe that compromised means will lead one towards expected and important ends.

this is not to say that i am unwilling to "play the game." in fact, i'll probably continue playing so that i can keep on serving people by affirming the imago dei that is stamped upon them and sharing Christ's compassion with them on regular occasion. but i find it incredibly hard to participate in irrational compromises in order to pursue the reconciliation and recreation of the individuals and the communities that i love so dearly.

most days i am almost willing to die on the hill called means lest the ends i earnestly seek be adulterated.

maybe a willingness to dance comes with maturity and age. maybe i am too idealistic for my own good. maybe i should remember that my worst day in this field is better than my best day in the customer secret service.

i doubt that these thoughts shock any of you who know me well. sometimes i just need to hash this stuff out.

musing...

tonight i spent a couple of hours networking with other coffee service providers and connecting with potential clients at a local vendor fair. since client traffic was relatively light, on a number of occasions throughout the evening i talked with other service providers about type of coffee and the clients they serve. since we're all in the same industry and there are only so many ways to brew a bean, it made sense for us to collaborate with one another and even broach a couple of trade secrets.

however, as i reflect upon the evening i am surprised by how many times i had to either disarm my colleagues' defensive reactions, assertions and interruptions by reminding them that we are not competitors but collaborators who are seeking to provide the best possible service to clients who are desperate with thirst. in the coffee service sector, competition is not a virtue, but a vice. i believe that if divergent service providers proactively seek to collaborate with, rather than compete against, one another, our clients will be all the better for it.

of course, the value of collaboration and the impropriety of competition is even more important in regards to communities that are seeking to follow God in the way of Jesus. if those of us in the latter camp embrace competition and eschew collaboration in order to fulfill our own ego-centric, visionary or budgetary needs we should be truly ashamed of ourselves. i've said it before and i'll say it again: competition is not a virtue that issues forth from the Christian life. the less competition, and the more collaboration, the better.

i will now get off my soapbox. goodnight.

today's special...*

was the shit sandwich. early this morning a customer tried to run a three-legged race with me because he was pissed that i could not turn around a non-fat, half-caf latte in forty seconds or less. later in the afternoon i dashed into a friend's office to borrow a key so that i could use his space for an evening event and, although i only overstayed my meter by four minutes, was subsequently issued a $25 parking ticket. this evening, after the cohort finished dinner at the boston beerworks fenway, where we received the shittiest service known to man, we walked over to the aforementioned office for discussion...only to find that the key i picked up earlier did not work. we then retreated to the barnes and noble in kenmore square in order to regroup and listen to our keynote speaker, but were immediately told that this branch of the barnes and noble, unlike every other barnes and noble in the world, closes at 9 pm sharp.

by my mathematically challenged calculations that's four servings of shit which, whatever way you cut it, usually results in one clusterfuck of a day.

but here's the thing: although today's four course special was shit supreme i was surrounded throughout the day by the most remarkable people you can imagine. at the end of the day i realize that i have a boss that backs me up, friends who are not only willing to share their space, but also their stories and companions who are fascinated by and committed to following God in the way of Jesus.

so although i spent the day eating shit, i am one fulfilled motherfucker.

* caveat emptor: i curse a lot in this post. i try to be less profane, but it doesn't always work.

musing...

although i settled for shitty customer service jobs for six+ years, i always wanted to work in social services. towards that end, i applied for jobs at local agencies, volunteered my time and made feeble attempts to network with people in the field. however, though i always suspected my days would be best invested in the helping professions, i worried that working a social service job during the day and continuing to work with sinners and saints would relationally exhaust me.

right now, i realize that my suspicions were not without merit.

don't get me wrong, i love my new job, but some days, after i've spent two hours in traffic, eight hours accompanying people with disabilities and another hour or two discussing, dreaming and investing in the mission of the church i am utterly exhausted. at such moments, my head pounds, i lose my sense of humor and i start looking for a reasonable route of retreat.

not that i'm comparing myself with him or anything, but i realize that Jesus felt this way on a number of occasions as well. there is this wonderful scene in the gospel of mark where Jesus and the disciples are sailing away to a retreat only to be intercepted by massive, clamoring crowds at their port of call. at that moment, as mark tells it, the disciples are fonching at the bit to get the hell out of dodge and trying to remind Jesus of their original intentions. but in that moment, Jesus looks at the crowd and has compassion on them. quite literally, as mark tells it, Jesus looks at the clamoring crowd and loves them from his gut.

right now i want to find a reasonable route of retreat - painting the nursery tonight all by my lonesome sounds really good right now - but i also want to learn to love my clamoring clients from my own gut even when i'm utterly exhausted.

i suspect that such empowerment on the Holy Spirit's agenda. i hope he can find a moment to slot me in.

check out my brother's bunghole

connect with the boston cohort on march 13th at 7 pm

a couple of weeks ago, on ash wednesday, i heard a sermon on Isaiah 58:6-8, the text i have printed below.

"Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?

Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
when you see the naked, to clothe him,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?

Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness will go before you,
and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.

since i have been pondering this text since the beginning of my lenten fast* i am truly glad that the boston cohort is gathering at the boston beer works fenway (61 brookline ave, boston, ma) location on march 13th at 7 pm to eat, drink, listen to one another’s stories and at 8 pm we'll be heading over to the offices of reunion church (655 beacon st., suite #301, boston) to discuss the overwhelming importance of acting justly, loving mercy and walking humbly with our God.

this month’s discussion will be facilitated by rachel anderson of the boston faith and justice network (BFJN). rachel will be introducing us to – and inviting us to participate in - the bfjn’s mission to “seek God’s justice as an expression of his faith and love.” i cannot think of a more important matter for the cohort to consider and i hope you can take an hour or two to join us.

may God bless you as you continue to pursue His justice and seek His Kingdom in this world.

jeff gentry, on behalf of craig, anna and the rest of the cohort crew

* i’m tempted to tell you what i’m abstaining from and what i’m straining towards this season, but i wouldn’t want to squander yet another jewel in my crown!

a personal preview of hell


late last night, after an exhausting day at work and a meeting of the church, i retreated to our dirty denny's for a couple of cups of bad coffee, a pre-fabricated dessert and intimate conversation with an unexpected visitor.

and then, about five minutes in to our conversation 70 teenagers, including a number of overweight boys who were wearing pajama bottoms and sporting dramatic, depp-esque eyeliner as well as t-shirts emblazoned with the image posted above, bombarded the dining room.

at this, our server was scared shitless, we were never served another cup of coffee and we had to talk about important matters over screamed high school cheers and call and response snippets from high school musical.

f*cking shoot me. i think i would rather go to band camp.

ecclesiological musing

over the past two months i have been utterly overwhelmed by the number of resources that are available for low-income, disabled and otherwise challenged residents of boston. i've had a number of meetings with massachusetts rehabilitation counselors who will go to any length to help their clients find adequate employment, visited a brand-new head-start daycare that not only provides free early childhood education for their students (who speak 29 different primary languages!) but also have an on-site licensed social worker who helps the children's parents find rent assistance, sign up for venezuela/citgo's generous share the warmth heating oil program and pursue any number of additional forms of aid, and have been overwhelmed by the great lengths that personal friends are going to in other cities to ensure that homeless citizens that struggle with mental illness find permanent housing.

what does this have to do with the church? well, i would like to suggest that all churches of moderate to large size (say 500 +) in attendance, have a licensed and/or experienced social worker on staff. i suspect that many churches would be able to serve their communities more effectively if they focused on helping families and individuals connect with the wealth of social services that are already available, rather than needlessly replicating services that are already available within the community. i realize that there are undoubtedly exceptions to this rule, such as churches that are located in small towns or in less "developed" environs, but in general i think that both moderate to large churches and their communities would benefit greatly from such services.

anyway, that's what i'm thinking today. your opinion, as always, is welcome.

overheard

"I would accept schism," Bishop Steven Charleston, president of the Episcopal Divinity School, told The Washington Post. "I would be willing to accept being told I'm not in communion with places like Nigeria if it meant I could continue to be in a position of justice and morality. If the price I pay is that I'm not considered to be part of a flawed communion, then so be it." - as quoted on CT's most recent weblog

maybe i'm deaf or just another son of the south, but when i read this quote i was startled by something that sounds a lot like racism. what do you hear?

on another, entirely different note, this weekend CT posted an insightful article by gary haugen, the founder of the international justice mission, that ponders whether we can honor william wilberforce while ignoring the rampant slavery that continues to scar our societies.

oh, and one more thing, i for one am glad that christian music writers are finally writing HONEST reviews, like andree farias' review of the gifted: season 1 cd. in the olden days, reading worthless dreck in magazines like 7Ball, CCM and Relevant (if you're into the latter rag do me a favor, read an issue or two of paste magazine and ask yourself why relevant continues to exist) often made me want to punch someone in the face. good criticism begets better art. that's all i have to say about that.

mid-day time waster: create-a-caption edition*

waste the day away by creating a caption for miss aubuchon's inappropriate picture. the author of the most creative caption will receive one poo dollar.

* please note. although this picture was snapped at art and cade's old place, neither art nor cade were involved in either the production of this picture or the activities which the picture depicts.

musing...

while sitting in a team meeting with a mass rehab counselor last week i realized that he had an image of a violet, multi-petaled flower tatooed on his right wrist. as the meeting drew to a close my client asked the counselor what the image represented and he said it was the seventh chakra. this image, he asserted, reminds me to shut my mouth and listen to others with my whole mind and whole heart.

now i don't know much about the chakras and i'm a little less likely to get a violet tatoo than i am to commission a permanent commemoration of the 2006 world series, but i was inspired by the intention behind the counselor's tat. i realize that truly attending to and receiving God and the other is an essential path towards uncovering the unspeakable beauty, truth and goodness in this world. of course, at the same time, i realize that i was once the recipient of a "foot in the mouth" award and i will probably always find it easier to assert my opinions that to receive others.

don't get me wrong, i have no interest in simply turning future conversations into reflective listening exercises and i am interested in much more than rogerian talk therapy. rather, in my heart, i want to be a man who intentionally enters into silence so that he can learn to fully attend and extend hospitality to God and others. i suspect that in doing so i will begin to see the former in the latter and vice versa.

overheard: the emergence of chuck smith jr.



over the past couple of months i've read several articles, including this one in christianity today about extreme internal controversies and questionable leadership practices within chuck smith sr.'s calvary chapel movement.

anyway, this evening, while reading the article i referenced above i found out that chuck smith jr. had recently been disassociated from the calvary chapel fellowship and i set out to find why.

after reading about chuck jr.'s story in an excellent la times article with a shitty title - father, son and holy rift - i started to suspect that chuck smith jr.'s movement away from his father's theological fundamentalism and towards a place of ministry that is, in his own words, characterized by learning more than certainty, is quite similar to many of our stories. moreover, i was not only intrigued by jr's story but found myself hoping that those of us who participate in the emergent conversation can express as much charity towards our theological and ecclesiological backgrounds as chuck jr. is showing to his.

i hope all of you take the time to read the la times article as i'm fairly sure you'll find it interesting and instructive. moreover, i think it would make tons of sense for pastor phil and the gang at the gathering to invite jr. out to speak at one of their events, for the latter chap really seems to live that allusive balance between the neo-mystical, charismatic tradition and emergent theological conversation that pastor phil and his gang appear to be longing for.

overheard: an old friend helps find housing for the homeless and mentally ill



"Andrew DeFranza has been trying to find homes for people in Milwaukee with mental illness for a couple of years now. He knows the way it works around here. He's learned the refrain.

Yes, some of those places are real hellholes. Rats. Broken toilets. Sometimes, there's no water or heat. But where else are you going to put a guy with schizophrenia and a criminal history who gets $600 a month in Social Security? Good luck finding a landlord with a decent building who will take in someone like that.

DeFranza, the executive director of Milwaukee's Guest House, is not buying it.

"I'm not Midwestern nice," said DeFranza, 33, a New Jersey native who looks more than a little bit like a young Robert DeNiro."

Read More...

gentry and his girls

musing...

a number of summers ago when i was serving with l'arche daybreak, my house manager told me that the positive attitudes of the overwhelming majority of our core members* was one of the primary reasons she loved l'arche. "people often think that the disabled are happy because they don't know any better," she said "but i find that perspective incredibly insulting." "you'll find," she continued, "that our core members are intimately acquainted with their challenges and limitations, but they choose happiness and contentment anyway."

obviously, not every person with challenges is either happy or content. in fact, while waiting for the bus in a little smoke-filled shelter this morning i endured a blind man's bitching, cursing and complaining for the better part of an hour. however, most of my clients forgo cynicism for optimism and, for that reason, not a few of them are living testaments of hope.

uncle henri always reminded us that "the poor are our teachers." right now, my teachers are challenging me to exchange my cynicism for hope and my sarcasm for words of life. here's to hoping that i'm an attentive student.

* in l'arche lingo, core members are people with intellectual and physical disabilities who stand at the center and bind the community together.

mid-morning time waster: snow day edition

new england's banal banter about six inches of snow is as:

a) beauticians are to britney spears
b) hillary is to homosexual jokes
c) tulsa is to tornados
d) rush limbaugh is to unprescribed pain-killers
e) blah, blah is to gay sex
f) blah, blah is to congress

happy haiku friday*



dingy captain cap

disturbing blue box of pee

work becomes my dream

* returns to honor one tyler h.

another signpost of insanity on the path of illumination


this morning, while stuck in traffic and half-listening to morning edition i had yet another "great" idea. during next year's haunted happenings event in the great city of salem i am going to monk up as saint francis and offer words of blessings, canticles of praise and, yes, calls for repentance to friend and foe alike.

i'm already excited about the stories i will have to read, the texts i'll have to memorize and the mud i'm going to smear on my bare legs and burlap wrap in order to pull this pietistic piece of performance art off. i hope that, with just a little more training dizzy can stand in as the wolf of gubbio and i'm hoping that someone signs on to play clare.

for the record, i think this certifies that i am on the precipice of spiritual insanity. i would like to accuse the Spirit of God of inciting such ideas and pastor phil wyman of encouraging me to live them out.

musing...

while reading david g. benner's sacred companions: the gift of spiritual friendship and direction this evening, i was struck by the way many of the christian mystics have framed the spiritual journey. oftentimes, you will hear mystics talk about the way of Jesus as being one of purgation, which is a time of repentance in which we let go of our: false selves, sinful schemes that we suspect will result in pleasure and attachment to our material possessions; illumination, which is a time of growing intimacy with God's Spirit and an openness to His paths towards pleasure, beauty, goodness and truth; and finally, as we persevere in love of God and others we reach a place of union, wherein our desire is submerged in the desire of God and our identity is not so much based on what we believe about Christ as it is exemplified in the way we incarnate Christ in this broken world that is so desperately in need of re-creation.*

as i ruminated over the reading, i began to realize that this frame of purgation, illumination and union can really help me understand my occupational life up until this point. for instance, over the past six years i spent my workdays selling products i (mostly) did not like to people i could not connect with in order to secure the financial futures of people who already have more than enough. i don't want to sound like a martyr. most of the time i was paid fairly well for my duties, i wasn't oppressed and my menial plight did not differ much from billions of other workers in the world who toil for sustenance.** my response to my circumstances, as many of you know, was to bitch, moan and generally make my occupational plight a burden on others. i did not, in fact, rise above my circumstances like an n.t. wright volume unexpectedly bursting forth from purpose-driven ashes and, in general, considered my plight an opportunity to develop a shtick rather than an opportunity to learn obedience, perseverance and solidarity.

but regardless of my resistance to such occupational purgation, God, by his completely unmerited grace, saw fit to lead me towards a place of illumination or connection, where my commitment to compassion*** and the gospel of reconciliation can be utilized on a daily basis to empower a population that i know and love. i truly feel like i failed the first grade, but for some unknown reason has still been promoted to the second.

i guess what i'm saying is this. i don't know why God saw fit to grace me with an opportunity to spend my days doing something i love, after i failed to love Him and others in the midst of jobs that i hated. i don't deserve to work at a place like rectangle. but i am thankful for it and during this period of my life i want to be open to the empowerment of God's Spirit and obedient to His will, for i know that His Spirit is the source of compassion and the effective means of reconciliation, and i know that His will is to redeem all things, including people who were created in His image but branded with the label "retarded" and wayward pastors who couldn't seem to follow Christ in less than ideal environments.

as for union, i don't know what that stage will bring. but i do hope that it will signal the end of my current state of mindless enthusiasm wherein i have been inspired to tack "inspiraquotes" like "we can, we will," "fake it until you make it" and "i don't know what the future holds, but i know who holds the future" on my bulletin board.

* i'm pretty sure that i failed to use semi-colons correctly in that previous sentence. just thought i would save you grammar queers the time that it would take to point that out.
** i realize that, being a wealthy, white westerner, i would probably be sustained by some means whether i worked or not, but i'm aiming towards the idea of solidarity here. work with me people!
*** which i generally pour upon those i see fit in circumstances that i respect. yeah, i've still got a little, okay a lot, of growing to do.

tuesday evening time waster

at this point in g13's arrested development he:

a) often mistook himself for an african-american
b) was still waiting for his balls to drop him from alto to tenor
c) was heavily medicated
d) frequently wondered why he wasn't getting any action
e) could still beat the hell out of his younger brother
f) all of the above