a plagiarized confession and poorly metered supplication

Loving Father,

Alongside my sister Teresa I confess that "I don’t love you, I don't want to love you. But I want to want to love you."

Teach me how to submit, shut my mouth and listen, speak of you as a person, not a proposition.

I am so far from who I should be. Through your Spirit teach me to shun self and let Christ be the shape of me.

Today, as I struggle to be responsible with the work and relationships you have given, render me sensitive to the voice of the Spirit, vulnerable to the shaping of Christ, subservient to your rule.

an unexpected devotional

i bummed sarah mclachlan's afterglow from my coworker and compatriot rhys yesterday. i was shocked by the beauty of these lyrics this morning and thought you might enjoy them as well.

world's on fire
Hearts are worn in these dark ages
You're not alone in this story's pages
Night has fallen amongst the living and the dying
And I try to hold it in, yeah I try to hold it in

[Chorus]
The world's on fire and
It's more than I can handle
I dive into the water
(I try to pull my ship)
I try to bring more
More than I can handle
(Bring it to the table)
Bring what I am able

I watch the heavens and I find a calling
Something I can do to change this moment
Stay close to me while the sky is falling
Don't wanna be left alone, don't wanna be alone

[Chorus]

Hearts break, hearts mend
Love still hurts
Visions clash, planes crash
Still there's talk of
Saving souls, still the cold
Is closing in on us

We part the veil on Archille's sun
Stray from the straight line on this short run
The more we take, the less we become
A fortune of one that means less for some

fighting against the afternoon anesthesia

• is there a better nickname in baseball than 'the big unit?'
  
• what would you made george say?
  
• take a moment to carefully read this proposal by the anti-manicheist. this kind of 'above the line' approach could help reframe the abortion debate and, perhaps, even start to unthaw the 30 year cold war between the opposing 'pros.'
  
• obama lit it up last night. edwards will undoubtedly do likewise this evening. will the last night of the lefty convention be a letdown?
  
• i am really enjoying ben folds' rockin' the suburbs at present. props to rick and ryan for the recommendation


• this ministry would provide an excellent internship for a late 1990's holer

you know you're a book whore when…

• you find yourself gawking at what hollywood believes like a commuter fixates on a car wreck.
  
• you torture your co-workers with innumerable questions related (do you know what tom cruise believes? do you know what sammy davis jr. did with Jesus Christ? Did I tell you what jack nicholson believes?) to the aforementioned book.
  
• everyone you are remotely connected to, from african seminarians to spanish speaking pastors, ask you to utilize your discount on their behalf.
  
• you get excited about cross promoting product on christianitytoday.com.
  
• you are ordered to develop a plan for marketing the way of the master on your site.

obviously my hypocrisy knows no bounds.

'returning' as a spiritual discipline

the cliche proclaims that 'you can never go home again.' i think the cliche is a crock of shit. my experience suggests that the opposite is actually true. you must go home again. the fact that the journey home is often complicated, and filled with as much pain as pleasure, probably inspired the cliche. however, in most cases, we should not let the complications deter us, for returning is one of the disciplines of the spiritual life.

the complications we face upon returning are undoubtedly unique, but i think that i can summarize mine in the following way: returning requires me to reckon with who i once was and realize who i have become. last weekend i had the honor of participating in my cousin Amy's wedding. over the course of our terribly abbreviated trip (in on friday afternoon, out on sunday morning) i encountered individuals whom i once led into rank disobedience and whom still seem to be entangled in its grasp. moreover, i spoke with others whose ambition and resultant success encouraged me to question the direction of the life i currently lead. as i reflect on the weekend, i am lead to confess that i once was a preacher of license, an incarnation of lechery and a slave chained to my ambition. i realize that by God's grace and because of my participation 'in Christ,' i am not that man any more. yet alluring voices, which are louder and more distinct than the one that speaks of life, still whisper to me in the dark of night, telling me that i will never be anything more than a lecher, ladder climber and a man who leads the young astray.

by returning, i am enabled to face who i was and proclaim who God has   (re)made me to be. hence, by the grace of God and through the enabling power of the Spirit i will not surrender to the subtle persuasion of the voices, but will continue to be reshaped into the image of the Savior i follow.

i do not intend these thoughts either an invitation to a 'pity party' or a subtle request for encouragement. rather, i share them because i truly believe that uncle henri and ani are right when they say:

"The great paradox of the spiritual life is, indeed, that the most personal is the most universal, that the most intimate, is most communal, and that the most contemplative is most active."
~Henri Nouwen

"Cause to me, it's, there's nothing that's personal and private, it's all universal. There's no experience that I have ever had that's unique. And the fact that there is just certain stuff that we share but don't admit to and don't talk about. You know, what is that about?"
~Ani Difranco