overheard

"Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions."

~Rainer Maria Rilke

reasons I am not a youth minister

this morning I spent a few moments over at becky.bear’s blog. becky was one of the early members of s & s. she recently moved onto seattle, where she is pursuing yet another master’s degree, creating a micro art collaborative and creating Christian community among seattle’s sonic youth. i love to taunt becky about her sixteen inch shoes and rockabilly style, but i have only the deepest respect for her character, ability and heart for God. anyway, while i was reading about her attempts to create a vbs according to brian mclaren, i began to think about why i am not a youth minister. as you might have guessed, this is a long way of introducing yet another list.

reasons i am not a youth minister:

thou shalt not give teenagers swirlys. from what i hear that is one of the first commandments in the youth ministry book. yet, i confess, i have broken it.

thou shalt not put “tweens” in the trunk of a car. yet another commandment that yours truly has shattered.

thou shalt not openly laugh at other youth minister’s admonitions. yet this is how i responded when another youth minister told my kids to trash their secular cds.

thou shalt care if the bean dip shows up at the pool party. but i never gave a shit.

thou shalt not encourage tweens to throw stones at one another. yet i have and do. in fact, one of my afterschool kids received a battle scar yesterday afternoon.

thou shalt utilize a number of non-competitive games. i have blatant disregard for this rule and am more than willing to go “Billy” on a child when you put a four square ball in my hand.

thou shalt do stupid, idiotic tricks for missions' money. so i was never willing to stick my head in a toilet, drink regurgitated soda or finger paint with my own feces in order to send more Bibles to Cambodia…shoot me.

thou shalt utilize hand motions while singing worship songs. i only know one hand motion and most people don’t consider it appropriate for worship.

thou shalt not smoke, drink or openly attend and celebrate Kevin smith movies. guilty, guilty, guilty.

thou shalt not react in a violent way when a teen strikes you in the face. um, i’m pleading the fifth on this one.

thou shalt not tear up jesus tees and use them to wash one’s toilet. yet they had to be put to some use.

thou shalt not "hook up" with one of thy youth sponsors. um, yeah. i had to find some way to encourage her to volunteer. at least i never contemplated connecting with one of the kids.

thus ends today’s edition of uncalled for confessions. if you want to read about a real youth minister in action, check out becky’s blog.

musing...

okay, now that I’ve pissed and moaned a bit too much about work, it’s time to return to my previous question. how does one pursue authentic spirituality? before I say anything more, allow me to confess that the whole time i’ve been writing this, david dark has been haunting my head and reminding me that every time I talk about stuff like God, confession and spirituality i don’t know exactly what i’m talking about. so, rest assured that i offer this with more than a little bit of fear and trembling.

first off, let me confess my ambivalence towards the term authentic. this therapeutic term has been utilized to such a great degree by the church growth movement and mass marketers (yes…sometimes I also wonder if there is a difference) that i question its usefulness. usually when people speak about being “authentic,” they are referring to their desire to share their unguarded thoughts, feelings and emotions with the other. instead of talking about “authentic” spirituality i would be much more willing to talk about “honest” spirituality. when i hear the term authentic i envision people sharing their thoughts and emotions in service of an agenda (such as evangelism or the new cell phone plan they are marketing), but when i hear the term honest, i envision people who are willing to share their most deeply held beliefs without discounting their most deeply held doubts. so let’s exchange the warm and fuzzy therapeutic term for a term that, has some sharper edges and carries a heavier weight of meaning.

second, since i am a Christian, when i talk about spirituality, i am restricting my thoughts to Christian spirituality. this does not mean that other spiritualities are without merit, but simply that i am speaking of that which I know (in part). namely, the spirituality which finds its roots in the Jewish and Christian scriptures, is self-consciously shaped by the life, death and resurrection of Christ, is constantly nourished by stories of the spiritual mothers and fathers who added their verse to the epic story of church history and works itself out within the context of Christian community.

now that the preliminaries are out of the way, i would like to share a few, admittedly provisional, thoughts. for Christians i think a better way to frame this discussion would be to talk about confessional spirituality. by using the term “confessional” i intend to convey two different, yet complimentary things.

one, i am using the term confessional to suggest that as we pursue God along this narrow road of faith that Christ has set for us, we should seek to do so humbly by admitting our manifold failures and fuckups, and generously, by listening to those who are upon other paths and those who walk the same path at a different pace and/or in a different way. my hunch is that all of us, from jean vanier and Eugene Peterson to the freshest convert and most naïve seeker have much more in common with the kindergartener who is “following the leader” than an expert who can hold court on how to follow Christ. as we walk upon this road let us be encouraged by one another’s confession that we don’t know the way we are going nor how we are going to get there. for it is this kind of humble confession that provides solace to our lack of certainty and compels us to put our faith in and follow the leader.

two, i am using the term confessional to suggest that confessional spirituality treasures the historic confessions of the scriptures, such as the Shema in Deut. 6:1-4 and Matt. 16:13, as well as the classic confessions of the Christian faith. I once heard andy crouch, creator of re:generation journal and current columnist for Christiannity Today, define orthodoxy as “being able to say the apostle’s creed without having your fingers crossed behind your back.” i really like that definition. i would also like to add that using the apostle’s or Nicene creed as a basis of confession does not require either that we understand the undulating depths of each doctrine or that we have begun to grasp the height and depth, length and width of the love of God. rather, the confessions simply give us a historically sound precipice off of which we can dive into the life of faith.

okay, that’s enough for now. i would like to nuance my explanation of confession a bit and say what I mean about spirituality, but i (a) doubt my ability to do so and (b) have to get back to work. of course, if you would like to question anything i have said, add further reflections or put forth your own ideas, please feel free to do so. as i’ve said before, all of us are smarter than any of us. i’d love to hear from you.

post scriptum--i haven't had a ton of time to edit this. so i would like to ask the grammar queers for clemency.

talk about a devolution…

my attitude towards work has devolved a bit. although a few weeks ago i was fairly content with my job, i am now tempted to stand on top of my desk, pull the “f*ck you, f*ck you, you’re cool, f*ck you, I’m out” scene out of my ass and collect unemployment.

my therapist said that jotting down a list of reasons to remain at lifeway would be beneficial. so, here are my reasons (in no specific order):

i should remain in my position at lifeway because:

1. that long awaited bruce wilkinson interview is always just over the horizon.

2. the employee appreciation gifts are priceless (the “magic” jar opener, family umbrella and TogetherEveryoneAccomplishesMore chocolate bar were particularly precious).

3. i've heard that other offices frown on intermittent profanity.

4. i love the 3 unpaid saturdays that i work every year!

5. i could not live without my lifesize cardboard likeness of dr. dobson (and the twinges of lust the aforementioned likeness produces).

6. i would miss conversing with our insightful, discerning shoppers every christmas season (e-i-e-i-fucking-o!).

7. from all appearances the receptionist really, really likes me.

8. i do not want a drunken monkey to replace me.

9. i do not value original thought.

10. i would miss the provocative questions that characterize our monthly meetings.

11. lobotomies are covered in the employee health plan.

12. wal-mart won’t hire me and orange julius won’t let me return.

phew, i feel better. perhaps a little break from my meaningless work was all that i needed!

musing…

for a number of years i believed that substantial training must precede one’s immersion in Christian mission. for this reason, i tried to provide the students and young adults in the ministries that i led with the opportunity to develop the interpretive skills and spiritual disciplines they would need in order to fully participate in the church’s mission of embodied proclamation and compassion. recently a number of things, including the visit of a Haitian missionary to s & s as well as deeper reflection on previous ministry experience, has led me to believe that my assumption (which I think is shared by most Christian education programs and, to a lesser extent, christian institutions of “higher learning”) was at least partially incorrect (if not woefully inept). i am now beginning to realize that the skills and disciplines i sought to teach are more likely to develop in the midst of mission than they are to precede mission. it is the mission of God, not the desire for abstract knowledge or the need to complete a checklist of required qualifications, that compels us to seek His presence through prayer and learn to listen more effectively to His Word. i realize this stuff is probably old hat to many of you, but it has been difficult for me to grasp.

moving forward…

on sunday, june 5 I will be participating in a panel discussion at The Gathering in Salem. the topic for the evening is “pursuing authentic spirituality.” since i am a big believer that “all of us is smarter than any of us,” and somewhat desperate for talking points, i would like to hear what you have to say about this matter. how would you define “authentic spirituality?” what are some of the characteristics of authentic spirituality? how can we contrast “authentic spirituality” with inauthentic and/or hypocritical religious practice? do you question the value of the term authentic in regards to the practice of spirituality? are there any examples of authentic spirituality (i.e., books, music, movies, mentors) that you find particularly intriguing?

if you have any thoughts on this matter, please feel free to post in my comments or email me directly at jeffkelliegentry@yahoo.com. i already have thought through this matter a bit, so i am not completely void of talking points, but i would really like to hear what you have to say. i would love to hear the perspectives of those who do not profess Christ and would be encouraged to hear from lurkers as well. thanks for your help!