busted balls and broken dreams

they had been waiting for twenty-seven minutes for his father to show up. the afterschool program is over at 6 p.m. on wednesdays, but his father wasn't there to pick him up. it was not a surprise. daddy had forgotten before.

for the first twelve minutes of their extended time together, the tutor and the boy threw a bouncy ball at each other. the tutor was trying to help the boy develop soft hands so that he would become a better second baseman. the boy was trying to throw the ball in the street in hopes that the tutor would curse, scamper into traffic and perhaps get killed. no such luck. the tutor has soft hands.

at 6.13 p.m. the tutor handed the boy his cell phone and instructed him to call his father. his father immediately answered and said he would arrive in "two seconds." no problem, the tutor thought, the father only lives three blocks away. so the tutor and the boy went to the front of the parking lot and waited.

and waited. around 6.25 p.m. the father had still failed to materialize and the tutor knew that he was going to be late for dinner with an old friend. this pissed him off. aware of the tension, the boy started to chatter with the tutor. while chattering the boy slung his keys, which were attached to a curly, elastic cord, around his body. "whap" the keys slapped against the boy's thigh, while he told the tutor how crazy his dad is. "whap" the keys hit the opposite thigh while the boy made fun of the tutor for fretting about his dinner date. "slap," the keys resounded as they slapped the little boy's genitals. "ooooh, ah ha ha," the boy said. "that hurt." ever the educator, the tutor suggested that in order to protect himself from future damage he might want to stop swinging the keys. but the boy just smiled and continued: "whap, slap, slap, whap, whap, slap, slap." after smacking himself in the genitals five times the boy doubled over in pain and stopped slinging the keys.

but, by that point, the damage was already done. the boy's balls were sore, the tutor's ideals were shattered and they were both far less sanguine about the future of humanity.

overheard

“boys and girls in america have such a sad time together. sophistication demands that they submit to sex immediately without proper preliminary talk. not courting talk, real straight talk about souls, for life is holy and every moment precious.” ~jack kerouac, on the road

"there is one word in america that says it all, and that one word is, 'you never know.'" ~joaquin andujar, pitcher and bodhisattva

“all that has been said but multiplies the avenues to what remains to be said.” ~herman melville as quoted by david dark in his superb book the gospel according to america

”you can’t say you never had a doubt, and smoked it down, but really wanted out.” ~ben folds, you to thank

happy anniversary to me

today is the anniversary of: brown v. board of education, the first gay marriage ceremony performed in the commonwealth of massachusetts and this blog. as i mentioned to kellie only moments ago, the one-year mark provides a good opportunity to reflect upon the good, the bad and the ugly of this blog and to dream a bit about what it could be. here goes...

the good

• much to my surprise, this blog has been a wonderful instrument of reconciliation. over the past year i have discovered the overwhelming beauty of people i once despised jamie, i'm staring through glassy eyes at you), received forgiveness for past offences (including: smashed worms, studied indifference and unchecked pride) and have regularly been reconnected with people whom i thought had long forgotten me. an illustration of the latter component. a week or so ago i heard from scott ellis, a high school classmate, sublime center fielder, parochial school teacher and all-around good guy. before i heard from scotty i hadn't spoken to or seen someone from bishop kelley high for eight years. simply hearing his (virtual) voice again reminded me that there is no ground, however badly burned and thoroughly salted, that is completely inhospitable to new life. scott's email was more than a friendly invitation to a ten-year reunion. it was a sacrament.


• the process of writing on a daily basis has shown me that i can indeed conjugate a verb, shape a metaphor and deliver a joke. granted, my pronunciation still sucks, but i can use a keyboard to communicate a bit of the goodness, beauty and truth of life to others. because of this another whisper of inadequacy has been silenced and i am beginning to find my "voice." thanks be to God!


• related to latter assertion, i have also found the courage to put a few brushback pitches down on paper. this probably seems irrelevant to you, but for someone who is in awe of, and cowers before, the likes of bill james, buster olney and "the commissioner" peter gammons, this is big.


• the blog has helped me to move from hostility to hospitality. i have found that in the midst of solitude, a practice that is essential to my spiritual life, it is easy to pass judgment on others and establish barriers to community. the blog forces me out of the silence of solitude and into the dialogue of the greater community. the call and response cadence of this dialogue has broadened my understanding of humanity, deepened my compassion for others and driven me back to solitude (where i can continue to become the prayerful, subversive servant that God has called me to be).


• the blog has also enabled me to continue to communicate with, learn from and serve those who are now a part of the city on a hill diaspora.


• in the next year i would like to post a few more pictures of our beautiful, quirky little city, my friends and family (including dizzy) and other miscellaneous subjects. of course, this will require purchasing a camera and actually caring it with me...so don't get your hopes up.

the bad

• my political posts. i am a hyper-opinionated person with strong political persuasions. thus i was not surprised that political propaganda found its way into my posts. however, i was surprised to discover was how much heat and little light emanated from such posts. at this point i simply do not know how valuable it is for a pastor to engage him or herself in sustained, partisan debate. i am not saying that politics has no part to play in my life, but i do not know how to integrate my perspectives on national affairs with my participation in the ongoing subversion that is the Kingdom of God. i cannot promise that you will never hear my political perspectives on this page again, but i can promise that such posts will be marked by a more measured, provisional and generous tone.


• my comments. i cannot tell you how many times i have dropped a crass, unloving or ill-considered comment on someone else's blog. i usually delete these comments as soon as they, in all their published glory, are staring me in the face, but still... over the course of the next year, i want to be as careful about my comments as i am about my posts. as a side note, this lament does not extend to anything i have posted on jon wise's blog. in those comments i have not attacked the session or impugned anyone's character. i have simply tried to defend someone i know well and love more than most.


• too many of my recent posts could be filed under the title of "mental masturbation." while i think a number of these posts are funny and provocative, they don't require much creativity or thought on my part. expect, and demand if necessary, more substantial posts from me.

the ugly:

• the shot of my ass that sat front and center for a day and a half. i'll admit that it was ugly, but will not apologize.

of course, if you have any reflections on the last year, thoughts about this post, or hopes for the year to come, feel free to share.

memorandum from captain random

• every time i hear the twang in john hiatt's voice i realize that the "ole acorn doesn't fall far from the tree." i think that my penchant for folk music is simply a sophisticated expression of my boyhood love of country music. that being said, every time i hear someone talk about new country (read: shania twain, rascal flatts and toby keith) i am tempted to throw the country A-K rack out in the street and go work for a virgin megastore.


• i recently received confirmation from the seminary that they had waived my immunization requirements due to my "stated religious objections." i never registered an objection, but do have a friend who works in the registration department. it pays to have friends in high places


• i've been reading a church growth book by thom rainer and actually enjoying it. shhh! don't tell any of my emergent friends.


• you know you're getting old when an unexpected office meeting makes you doubt your ability to pay the mortgage.


• memo to mr. pearass: you know you are loved when Gentry agrees to accompany you to a rufus wainright show. the aforementioned upright, integrous citizen cannot believe he is going to subject himself to such excesses of cruising, camp and cheese.


• memo to mr. folds: Gentry expects you to make aforementioned evening worthwhile.


• memo to self: keep saying "aforementioned." it makes you sound sophisticated


• that is all. i must now return to the pimp-driven life

please note: the aforementioned post was brought to you by the good folks at LifeWay Christian Stores. the opinions, language and sexual innuendo included within are not endorsed by LifeWay, but are the sole intellectual property of Mr. Gentry.