musing...

"holiness is sustained attention to the heart, the source of all action. it concerns itself with the core of the personality, the well-spring of behavior, the quintessence of the soul. it focuses upon the formation and transformation of this center." -richard foster, streams of living water, pg. 83

lately i've been doing a lot of good things: extending hospitality to people who are visiting our community, applying myself fully at work and participating in this season of penitence and reflection that prepares us for the resurrection of our Lord.

lately i've been doing a lot of good things, but i haven't been living from the center. one moment i'm intentionally serving the Lord and accompanying my brothers and sisters in Christ and the next moment i'm failing to serve the interests of our community or setting a remarkably poor example for our community. these spiritually bi-polar episodes are really starting to wear on me and, i fear, my beloved ones as well.

i hope that during this season of holistic deconstruction, the Lord makes good on his promise of restoring all things. i long for him to purify my heart, to increase my dependence on His animating Spirit and re-establish an enduring connection between my intentions and actions. i want Him to teach me how to connect with the larger body of Christ without weakening my connections to my most beloved ones and i want to learn how to be a true tentmaker instead of a ministerial mercenary. i want to be led towards the via media that, i suspect, exists between my idolatry of space and the open spaces wherein i provide unlimited access to my heart.

Lord, help me endure this season of holistic deconstruction. i look forward to your restoration and long to be more fully integrated into the body of your holy people.