"It was not my intention to do this in front of you. For that I'm sorry. But you can take my word for it, your mother had it comin'. When you grow up, if you still feel raw about it, I'll be waiting." ~the bride in qt's kill bill, vol. I

i still feel raw about it. though i doubt either God or you have been waiting for me to wrap words around my pain, that's what i am going to try to do. i have a need to bleed. i hope that these lines serve as a leech.
i don't know what to do with tragedies like katrina. i've heard others suggest that it is a man made disaster, since everyone except for fema was aware of the fragility of the french quarter and its surrounding environs, and i have even heard that it is an outworking of God's judgment, which was reportedly being brought to bear because of a homosexual convention that was scheduled for this week. rationalizations like the former make sense to me, while those like the latter tempt me to disembowel the false prophets who confound their rambling with the revelation of God. i've listened to their rationalizations and i've struggled to shape a few of my own, but at the end of the day, i don't have an interpretation to offer and am unwilling to explain or make an apology for God. here are the facts friends: the poor were shit on yet again. the homeless were evicted from their harried street corners, those without resources were being ignored while the rich calculated their flood insurance and rachel's screaming lament was heard 24/7 on CNN. there rachel sat, screaming for her children and it shook us to the very core of our soul. however, her wavering voice will probably not compel privileged folk like you and me to set aside our comfortable lives, so that we can set out on a quest to destroy the structures of poverty that pervade our land and shatter the motherfucking silence that perpetuates this rotten state.

i will not explain God's actions, nor will i defend him. he says that he is a friend to the fatherless and a protector of widows. he said that the poor were blessed and supposedly he even lived among them for a while. if this is true, then i trust his mercy will prevail. if this is true, i expect him and his people to act justly, shower mercy and walk humbly among the poor. i'm still raw God and i believe you are waiting. answer me through the actions of your people, the rumored still, small voice that is so rarely heard and any other method you have available.

i still feel so fucking raw, but i think that not all is not lost. there are signs that suggest healing. of course my interpretation is only as trustworthy as the asshole who equated new orleans with sodom, but these signs are my only lifelines, so i'm holding on.

in the midst of this horror, i have been surrounded by a community that did not ask for answers and did not shudder when i accused God. they listened to my struggles, shared my potentially blasphemous prayers and showed themselves to be a tiny, atomistic incarnation of God's justice.

moreover, a little neglected piece of me believes that this tragedy will tear the roof off of southern poverty in the same furious way that katrina unclothed the superdome. for years we've been trying to pull off our hastily fashioned band-aids one millimeter at a time. now the whole fucking thing has been ripped off in one violent motion. i hope that we muster the courage to endure the pain of this wound and set out to seek treatment. may God curse us if we allow things to return to the status quo. may God curse me if i continue to live in the frame of luxury while others are being boxed in by mere necessity. make no mistake, i realize that the change starts with me.

i still feel raw about it and i have no doubt that you're waiting. i pray that you move us all towards a reckoning.