grrr...

as i settled into the library this morning i promised myself that if i worked really hard i could take a half-hour off to watch hillary's long awaited concession speech that was scheduled for noon e.s.t.

in order to earn my incentive, i worked hard until 11:55 pm, quickly gathered my stuff and mall-walked home...only to sit in front of my computer and stare at an empty podium for 37 minutes.

it's now 12:38 pm and she still has not taken the stage. after experiencing her remarkable ability to delay* the inevitable over the past month i guess i shouldn't be surprised.

so long, loser. you might want to keep a closer eye on those caucuses next time.

* that will probably be financed by obama's contributors.

do unto others...



the kid who pulled this lamentable, yet laughable stunt was planning to walk onto the team at gordon college.* however, on account of this one simple lapse of judgment, coach travis mcclanahan and president lawrence weill and the gordon college staff have decided to keep the kid from his humble, yet heartfelt dream.

i don't mean to be presumptuous, coach and president weill, but don't y'all have better things to do with your time than creating barriers for walk-on athletes? the kid is already going to be paying 10k more a year than an undergrad liberal arts education is worth. i humbly recommend that you return to your administrative duties, have a heart and "LET HIM PLAY! LET HIM PLAY!"

* which, for those of you who don't know, is an evangelical liberal arts school that employs a couple of my friends and is located about 7 minutes from the house.

ht: deadspin

mid-day time waster: edit those lyrics

earlier this week, in the most emphatic tones, mrs. clinton suggested, "i know what people are wondering, WHAT DOES HILLARY WANT?" although i don't know everything hillary might want, i suspect that she would love for us to pen a celebratory ode that marks the end of her campaign.

for that reason, i've been working feverishly to produce a piece that is worthy of hillary's epic defeat. right now i've got some of the lyrics down, but i need your help editing and suggesting revisions. the song's title is bridesmaid and it will be sung to the tune of wilco's muzzle of bees. thanks in advance for your help!

there's a failed democratic candidate
desperate for vp
she's always a bridesmaid
if you know what i mean

her furies shriek, some say they're barking
denver! or at least vp
some fems so frightened
of so-called misogyny

the scepter slips 'tween pantsuit knees
silently and suitably
whispering racial entendre
from the heights of glass ceiling
she cries misogyny

i'm assuming you got the message
produced by machine
the crackers dig her chili
if you know what that means

scepter slips 'tween pantsuit knees
silently and suitably
whispering racial entendre
she cries misogyny

red bill blows through
sweat hand upon knee
half of it's you, half is me
half of it's you, half is me

the poor are our teachers...at least until we pass that class

in the late summer of 2000, when i decided not to extend my time at l'arche so that i could continue with the regularly scheduled programming of seminary, melvin, one of the core members of the community and the undisputed patriarch of the house cornered me with the following question:

why do you have to leave?

after a brief moment of thought i remembered henri's dictum that "the poor are our teachers" and i attempted to build upon this wisdom by simply telling melvin that he had taught me so much about life, persistence and love. although i was indeed moving back to my country to attend graduate school, i promised melvin that i would take his lessons with me and would live a better life in light of his wisdom.

without missing a beat, melvin frowned and said: people are always leaving. and i have so much more to teach!

to that response, i had no retort. i simply told melvin that i would miss him greatly and would visit regularly (which i had the privilege of doing for another 2 years). after that we tromped down to community dinner and i soon set my course for a failed seminary career.

if i could go back and re-do that conversation with an inkling of understanding about life as it has turned out to be, i hope i would have the courage to tell melvin the truth. if i could indeed sack up in such an instance, i would look melvin in the eyes and say something like this:

"melvin, i'm sorry that you are going to miss me, but i can't stay. i have a full life in front of me and i need to validate my existence by trying to scrape together some sort of personal success. i have loved being here melvin, and your friendship means the world to me. however, educated people such as myself don't invest their lives in practical, day-to-day, incarnational acts of one-on-one service to others. instead, we need to increase our influence by empowering younger leaders and playing a more strategic role in ensuring that our shared dreams of community and justice become a reality. melvin, as much as i love greenwood house and as much as i have learned from you, from my perspective there is simply no percentage in remaining at l'arche for the time being. by the way, i've heard sven is making his curry again tonight. let's hurry down to dinner so that we don't miss out!"

as much as i love henri, i know enough about him to realize that while becoming a part of l'arche changed him on a deeply fundamental level he never seemed fully able to identify with the poor in spirit at richmond hill. i have no intention of denigrating henri's service and i know a number of people who were deeply blessed by his ministry at daybreak. however, i also realize that henri was never able to fully set aside his jet-setting, sojourning ways to stay at l'arche for any truly extended period of time. moreover, when difficulty beset his personal life he didn't have to work through all of his issues within the context of the community, but could retreat for up to six months at a time in order to take a personal sabbatical, write or simply visit friends.

as i reflect upon my time at l'arche, my current role within the rectangle community and henri's significant example, i cannot help but worry that my education, ambition and perhaps even my vocation will limit my ability to identify with the poor in spirit and accompany them in a manner that is genuine and not self-serving. i don't want to build a career upon the backs of people with disabilities, but would like to walk beside them, assist them, be assisted by them, advocate for them, and receive the blessing of their advocacy, in a truly mutual way.

i'm not necessarily saying that i will ultimately fail to experience this deep mutuality with those at the center of the community. however, when i reflect upon my participation in the lives of the l'arche as well as the rectangle community up until this point and ponder the path that uncle henri has walked before me, i realize how allusive such mutuality can be.

musing...

on a day crammed into the fourth grade, i offended my friend kari with some opinion or other. back then, much like now, i didn't much care when i offended someone by saying something i sincerely meant. but kari was a loyal, occasionally cute and always eager to please sidekick, so i apologized and tried to make it up to her.

a couple of days later, at one of those tacky school carnivals that are designed to snake money from babes, kari went over to the "jewelry" booth, picked out a lime green foot charm and had the shaky handed merchant engrave "to jeff: the foot in the mouth award," right down the arch. although i was a little shaky on my metaphors at the time, when kari awarded me with the trinket i knew enough to be incredibly embarrassed. with a two dollar shard she cut to my greatest contradiction.

when people read about God's questionable decision to "create man in His own image" i'm sure the story resonates with them in any number of ways. undoubtedly some see this part of the story as a proof text for yet another pro-life pronouncement, others see it as an endowment of rationality, still others consider it the initial spark of our species' creativity. but when i read it, or at least when i've read it lately, i hear in this text a connection between the God who speaks creation into being and my calling to somehow create with the written and spoken word.

some days i believe, sense, suspect that the kol YHWH or breath of God is coursing through me as i encourage a friend, convince a store manager that she can transform a life by offering my client an entry-level job or, in a stammering and stuttering way, attempt to explain to the pixie what her love and partnership means to me. however, on the other days that are most days, i realize that my mouth is a loose canon that has splintered many a foredeck of friend or foe and, far too often, has misfired, malfunctioned and damn near destroyed its operator.

it seems to me that these gifts that we have been given - to create with our words, to shape with our hands, to unravel the infinite mysteries of the cosmos with our minds - are a blessed curse that are more likely to destroy us than they are to inspire our creativity. for this reason, as i ponder the likelihood of becoming a full-time shill for a fragile non-profit and/or an untraceable God, i am terrified. i fear, that at the end of a life invested in such a manner, i will speak more death than life into being and, as a result, will be pinned with a pendant similar in type, if not in gravity, to the one kari awarded so long ago.

and yet, i am determined to stumble forth. for even in the midst of my terror, i have just enough trust in the Spirit and faith in intangible grace, to continue on the path set before me.

additional thoughts concerning confession
starring: yet another providentially displaced pastor





for additional dispatches in tony's emergent church road trip click here.

Truth or Convenience
submitted by: slowfo

The American Church is not really interested in truth as much as they claim. In many respects, the truth is only sought out when it's convenient and comfortable for everyone - making "The Church" just like everyone else in the world. It's safe to talk about truth in Church......just don't start itemizing everything, okay? Because you'll have Betty confessing she told a fib. Conner saying that he speeds too much. But there's always Cliff in the joint who confesses his sexual trysts with octogenarians and it just ruins it for everyone.

Although God sees sin as sin, people definitely don't. But I think it's truthful confession that could really make Church more of the life-changing journey it was meant to be. Confession. No holds barred confession of sin. At least the Catholic Church continues their confession booths with the priests. But what about Protestants? The best we seem to do is "Honestly......it's hard for me to say this.....(voice cracking)...I really struggle with pride sometimes at work." Whoa, that's an earth-shattering revelation! Did one of your employees just hear that? Because "proud" is probably not what they would call you. It would probably be more like "self-centered, stingy, greedy, ego-maniac who just bought himself a $1.5 million house with cash while the rest of the faithful employees live on below-poverty wages."

Those sinned against don't have problems specifically calling out wrong-doing. It's the perpetrators (which includes all of us) that don't want to be held accountable by anyone. And for that matter, who does want their personal grossness aired for the public? But it's a different thing if everyone is candidly sharing the very real sin they've done for the week.

Imagine, what would it be like if people came together and could admit that they need help? Together they sought God and the support of other strugglers. They fully confessed ALL of their sin as a matter of cleansing. Everyone was held accountable to take real steps of healing in their broken relationships. And every week they celebrated the growth they took together. Can you imagine how freeing the Church could become? (sigh).....oh well, I don't see the Church changing that anytime soon. I guess we'll just leave that sort of healing to the 12-step groups, huh?

ablevision goes hollywood



triangle, one of rectangle's cousin organizations, has an excellent media production wing named ablevision. ablevision recently landed a huge interview with kevin james, late of my favorite sit-com the king of queens, and i thought i'd give them a little free publicity.

feel free to check out ablevision's additional clips on youtube.

mid-day time waster

i don't know about you, but when i listen to political rhetoric i find the frequent snapshot stories the politicians make to ordinary people and their concerns quite patronizing. i don't, as of yet, hate these stories quite as much as the personal interest pieces that have ruined the olympics, every major american sporting event and dancing with the stars, but i could do without them nonetheless.

for this reason, today's mid-day time waster assignment is to put your own snapshot story into one of the leading presidential candidate's mouths. feel free to ridicule the pol all you want, but let's keep it relatively clean.*

"Speaking to a re-energized crowd in Huntington, West Virginia, Ms. Clinton spoke to her core constituency by sharing the following story. 'As we celebrate this magnificent victory tonight and recommit ourselves to the goal of winning this nomination, I cannot help but think of Lilly Ann Miller who I met in Clarksburg last week. Lilly Ann is a single mother who served as an administrative assistant at West Virginia Coal Cooperative for twenty years until she was sidelined by type one diabetes and carpal tunnel syndrome. As Lilly Ann and I shared a funnel cake and a Diet Coke she told me that after all her years of hard work she is now uninsured and has no money to pay for the gastrointestinal bypass procedure that will help her lose weight and just might save her life. Under my opponent's health care plan, hard-working, salt-of-the-earth, regular folk like Lilly Ann would not have access to the gastrointestinal procedure and might have to attempt to crack back into the college educated workforce in order to ensure the procedure that she so clearly deserves. If you love empowered women like Lilly Ann, like I do, and you are committed to ensuring that every American has the opportunity to access optional medical procedures, please visit my web site HillaryClinton.com. On that site you'll have an opportunity not only to make a donation, but also to join other small-town, life-long Americans who are committed to electing the candidate who will be ready on day one!'"

* this is, after all, a family blog.

for the record

i would be the worst.stay-at-home.mom.ever. it's not that i fail to get anything done when i'm home with a sick preston. rather every time i'm home alone with him i find a way to get nothing done.

there must be a special place in hell for men like me who've made fun of stay-at-home moms over the years. i admit it, on a couple of occasions in the past i have been an ignorant, misogynistic bastard when discussing this issue. i am truly sorry and i humbly repent.

buzz bissinger on blogs

i realize that i'm really late to this story - as well as pretty much every other story that has taken place over the past four weeks - but two weeks ago buzz bissinger, the author of the superb friday night lights, and will leitch, a dedicated cardinal fan and the editor-in-chief of deadspin one of the quirkiest, funniest and most popular sports sites on the net, squared off on costas now.

if you watch the clip* you'll notice that bissinger prefaces the conversation by defaming leitch for defaming athletes and then proceeds to eviscerate, with costas' help, sports blogs for posting pictures of athletes making arses of themselves, providing a forum for commenters to ridicule espn hosts and refusing inside access to press boxes and clubhouses, which are, apparently, the only place that sports writers can ascertain "facts" about athletes and athletic events.**

i think this clip is fascinating not only because of bissinger's ad hominem attacks as well as he and costas' apparent agreement to irrationally conflate blogs such as deadspin with more traditional sports reporting. i am also fascinated by both bissinger's implicit claim that "objectivity" in sports journalism is both possible only with a press pass and buzz's apparent ignorance of, or indifference towards, the fact that many mainstream sports journalists are now utilizing the blogosphere as well.

one more thing: in all of the analysis of this conflict that i've read thus far, no one has pointed out the fact that, for all his high minded arguments and significant writing ability, bissinger is not above writing a puff piece such as three nights in august which was commissioned by his subject and failed to contribute anything about la russa's managerial "genius" that could not be gleaned from one chapter of george will's men at work.

in sum, bissinger appears simply to be a profane, cranky old man bent on fighting irrelevance by shaking his fists at the inevitable. i should also add that although he comes off as a smart-ass know-it-all at times in this clip, i thought leitch fought his way out of this ambush quite well.


* which is not work safe, by any means. for the record: watching a clip in which bob costas utilizes the term "f*ck face," while strangely rewarding, will almost certainly draw the ire of your boss.
** which, in my opinion, many of us, including myself, take waaay to seriously than we should.

The Friendly Ghost and You: An Open Discussion Concerning the Holy Spirit

Slowfo: What if someone told you that there were 2.1 billion people in the world who had the literal ghost of Elvis Presley embedded in their body? Do you think you'd notice? And if you would notice, would it be obvious? Would they dance or sing better than most? Would they say "Thankyouverymuch" as all one word? Would they have a strong attraction to both drugs and doughnuts?

My point is that it doesn't seem to me that people really notice very much that the actual Spirit of the living God of the universe is embedded in the bodies of 2.1 billion Christians around the world. Don't you think Jesus-followers should stand-out a little more? Shouldn't there be a more obvious distinction between someone who has God's Spirit leading them and someone who doesn't? Or does the Holy Ghost really just have a more laid back personality than the Father and Son? Or is this where the more charismatic influence comes into play? I have few answers but many questions on this.

Gentry: Scott, I have more questions than answers in this arena as well. The fact that we grew up in a church tradition that was terrified of the Pentecostal/Charismatic traditions doesn’t help matters much. For my part, I can’t lay all of the blame for my ignorance at the feet of either our forbears or hucksters such as Kenneth Copeland and Creflo Dollar. Since I worship with a number of Pentecostals I should have more of a perspective.

Anyway…I do think that the Holy Spirit should play a more significant role in the life of the Christian community and the individual believer. However, I suspect that far too often Christians, such as myself, have limited the influence of the Holy Spirit by seeking His presence in ecstatic experiences rather than in the midst of service. I know that for a number of years I expected to find the Holy Spirit in the midst of a rousing rendition of Better Is One Day during the True Devotions service at Soybean Bible. Where I didn’t expect to connect with him was in the midst of cleaning a toilet at L’Arche or pounding the pavement between employers whom I was hoping would give my clients an opportunity to work. I’ll give you three guesses where the Holy Spirit seemed to show up…

In the last year or so, I’ve felt the power and presence of the Holy Spirit at work when I have asked him to empower and guide me as I served the interests of others. More and more, I’m beginning to suspect that God is not as interested in worship wherein he is the sole object so much as he is interested in a form of worship in which he can interact and instrumentally empower us as we serve others. Don’t get me wrong, I still think there are good reasons to intentionally honor and praise God for His blessings. However, I think that our ecstatic experiences of God are more likely to occur in the midst of our attempts to actually be a blessing to the world. Maybe God is less interested in us swaying with our hands outstretched, singing and envisioning Him on the throne than he is interested in meeting us along the way as we pursue - with his absolutely essential help! - the mission of His Kingdom in this world.

I don’t have the time to root all of this in scripture at the moment, but I think that this connection between ecstatic experience/empowering connection with the Holy Spirit and mission is evident in the Acts narratives (see chapter 2, 6 and 9).

One more thing: if we’re to liken the Holy Spirit to Elvis, I suspect that his theme song is A Little Less Conversation, A Little More Action.

on the next restorer


ht: junkyard

personal metrics

over the past eight years i have:

received 2 speeding tickets and 1 citation* for the destruction** of public property
served in a mega-church, a home church and a non-denominational church
had six girlfriends,*** one wife, one son and two dogs****
moved five times*****
fallen out of infatuation with the dave matthews band
fallen into infatuation with the sopranos, the office, fnl****** and the wire
smoked.quit smoking.smoked.quit smoking.smoked.quit smoking.smoked*******
watched******** six different teams win the world series
had seven different jobs at four different companies
owned or partially owned four vehicles
become an npr supporting member
started a blog
alienated old friends and reconciled with old enemies
married three couples
buried, fortunately, no one*********
swam naked in the seminary pool
attended two conferences
embraced arminian, reformed and idontknowimemergent theologies
baptized********** one close friend
preached 35 pretty awful sermons and 2, 3 or 4 decent ones
been pressed into service as, gulp, a street minister
developed ongoing, life sustaining relationships with the disabled communities in toronto, canada and medford, massachusetts
sustained, and been sustained by, a long-term connection with my spiritual director
obtained*********** a masters in divinity degree from s.h.i.t.

* beat it
** via urine
*** one of whom was dumped in transit
**** one of whom succumbed to sodium pentathol the other to old age
***** and helped j & b move three and, soon to be, a fourth time
****** later retracted
******* see also: drinking
******** but, sadly, only one in person
********* not counting the two dogs
********** and thus, according to the southern baptist friend of my youth, secured my slot in heaven
*********** pending unforeseen objections by the faculty character committee or completely unprovable unfounded charges of plagarism

almost makes me miss home



ht: the sports guy

mid-morning time waster

if you're having a rough day at work or just hate your job in general, stop by mcsweeney's and leaf through their interviews with people who have interesting or unusual jobs feature.

for my part, i found the interviews that discussed the secrets joys of whippets in the pump room, country crock receptacles and the ethical distinctions between band-aids and pasties quite entertaining.

if you're completely satisfied with your chosen profession and ethically abstain from surfing the net at work there is no reason for you to explore this quirky column. i hope that the rest of you read a few and share your reflections below.

file under: inevitability

welcome to gloucester mrs. jesse james.

don't paw at me with your dirty little guild

for many years, the goddard library and the s.h.i.t. campus have stood in my imagination as grave markers that announced the death of my long abandoned academic aspirations and served as an impediment to my developing social conscience and resultant activism.

however, as i grind my last exegesis paper out of my arse and prepare to graduate in absentia on saturday, may 10th, i am obliged to report that, however unexpectedly, i have once again found myself at home within the dusty stacks of the s.h.i.t. library. in the late summer of 2000 i was borne into the library upon the waves of intellectual arrogance and half-formed hopes of joining the theological guild. now, as i leave the library and am washed upon the north shore, i do so as an intellectually humbled, dedicated churchman who is more intimately acquainted with my ignorance than any intellectual subject and whose ambition simply to serve.

i realize and repent of the fact that in years past the library was nothing more than a brick with which i hoped to build my own pathetic little kingdom. as i move forward, i intend to stumble through the bowels of goddard in search of towels with which to serve.

the gathering welcomes: will sampson

hey all, on monday, april 28th at 7 pm will sampson will be stopping by the gathering to discuss how we can pursue justice in the midst of our ordinary lives. this discussion is sure to be engaging, relatively open ended and absolutely free.

this discussion evening is a part of the two dollars a day event that is being co-hosted by boston's emergent cohort and the crossing community in downtown boston.

if you have questions about this event, please feel free to contact me directly at gentry13ATgmail.com. for more info on the two dollars a day event, check out the cohort website.

A True Fan?
Submitted by: Slowfo

I couldn't help but laugh as I read this weekend's story about a Red Sox fan/construction worker who tried to "curse" the new Yankee stadium by burying a David Ortiz jersey in the freshly poured concrete of the new Yankee Stadium. Although as I lifelong Orioles fan I am also a card carrying Yankee hater, I have noticed lately that there seems to be a lot more loud-mouthed Red Sox fans these days than I remember growing up in the eighties. Why? You know why.....bandwagon-jumpers. Love 'em or hate 'em, bandwagon-jumpers are a reality of the sports world. And it begs the question, "Who is a true fan?"

I have to point out that if you're reading this and you've been an avid Red Sox fan for 15+ years, kudos to you. You've seen your team suck and have ridden the low points to now enjoy the victor's spoils. Yankee fan's bravado however is laughable. I don't ever want to hear a Yankee describe themselves as a "true Yankees fan." No such thing. What does that mean anyway? That their fandom has stretched all the way through their century of winning and world championships?? Wow.......impressive. You've really got character Yankee fan. Tell ya what, when you've suffered through ten-plus years of no post-season, then come talk to me. Better yet, since you guys have won so much and to balance things out better, wait until you've not even sniffed a World Series for a century and then we'll talk. Cubs fans have earned my respect for sticking with a team that has shown such ineptitude for so long (or maybe that feeling I've got is pity for their stupidity?).

On the flip side, I hear reports that long-suffering Red Sox fans are arrogantly upset about their own new fans that have cropped up in the last two years causing them to scream, "Where were you back when this team needed you?!" (which is actually not unlike some snooty Christians and their disdain over "Christmas and Easter" church-goers - but that's another story altogether). You Bostonians who read this blog can attest to whether or not these reports are valid.

All of this I present to you, dear reader. What is the definition of a "true fan?" Does it matter how long a person has followed a team whether it be weeks or decades? Should bandwagon-jumpers be held accountable as the sports-following whores that they really are? And lastly, does anyone know a way that we can sneak into the new Yankee Stadium for our own personal desecration of what will be the new Yankee clubhouse?