Tuesday, June 10, 2008

mid-day time waster

last week gm reported that due to slumping sales of trucks and suvs it will be shutting 3 assembly plants in the near future. some reports indicate that these plant closures may herald the beginning of the end for the hummer brand.

as we eagerly await the eradication of one of the most striking symbols of conspicuous consumption in this great land of ours, i think we should help gm generate generate some spin concerning the upcoming liquidation of their h2s and h3s. thus, if you could help me complete the following pithy, proleptic press release, i'm sure that the execs at gm would appreciate it.

"today, gm announced plans to disburse its remaining inventory of hummer vehicles by:

a) filling them with sand and strategically placing them on levees throughout the upper midwest."
b) shipping them to sunni sheiks throughout iraq in order to ensure the success of the military surge."
c) sinking them off the coast of new jersey in yet another attempt to create a productive artificial reef."
d) donating them to high schools throughout the country so that they can continue the grand homecoming tradition of smashing a car for charity."
e) your disbursement idea here: "


Pixie said...

-dumping them on THE Ohio State University campus to be victims of arson during riots following Buckeyes/Michigan games.

-giving them to young African-American football players to ensure that they are kicked off the ball-team, lose their scholarship and never have a chance at a decent education.

Guess what year I lived in Columbus, Ohio?

james said...

I dig D. Though when Cade was still driving the TrediaM we always threatened it's ultimate demise with something involving either a lake, explosives, or an "off the cliff scenario."

Daniel said...

Up-Armoring them and sending them to Iraq free of charge.

g13 said...

dan, i suppose that makes some sense. would we distribute the up-armored hummers to our military units or would we distribute them to whatever former "terrorist" group that we now consider "allies?" just wondering.