i realize that you have to dance with the devil in every industry. customer service agents have to surrender fair and just resolutions to the whim of the customer, whose money is always right. church leaders cannot set their sights solely on effective ministry, but must constantly validate their "success" with incremental, and exponential if you are really blessed by God, increases in nickels and noses. and, unfortunately, in my industry you have to constantly handle everyone as though they are a pretty, pretty princess by couching admonitions in affirmations and constantly submitting sound, loving discernment to the emotional whims of - and government subsidized dollars provided by - the individual.
so yeah, i understand the need to dance with the devil, furiously compromising one's means in the hopes of attaining noble ends. but i f*cking hate dancing as much as i hate karaoke and find it really hard to believe that compromised means will lead one towards expected and important ends.
this is not to say that i am unwilling to "play the game." in fact, i'll probably continue playing so that i can keep on serving people by affirming the imago dei that is stamped upon them and sharing Christ's compassion with them on regular occasion. but i find it incredibly hard to participate in irrational compromises in order to pursue the reconciliation and recreation of the individuals and the communities that i love so dearly.
most days i am almost willing to die on the hill called means lest the ends i earnestly seek be adulterated.
maybe a willingness to dance comes with maturity and age. maybe i am too idealistic for my own good. maybe i should remember that my worst day in this field is better than my best day in the customer secret service.
i doubt that these thoughts shock any of you who know me well. sometimes i just need to hash this stuff out.