Wednesday, September 20, 2006

mid-morning time waster: completely psychotic co-workers

this morning while listening to voicemails and filing paperwork at my desk, the guy who sits in the adjacent cube began aggressively berating his roommate. after he had railed about that son-of-a-bitch doing this and that motherfucker doing that he concluded by saying, "i swear i'm going to cut him up into little pieces and vacuum up the evidence." then, as if that pronouncement wasn't alarming enough, he concluded by proclaiming "i feel absolutely homicidal right now."

if the same co-worker hadn't told me two months ago that "if you hear about someone going on a homicidal spree through downtown beverly, you can be sure i'm the killer," i suppose i could have taken this morning's rant with a grain of salt. but as it is, i am a bit scared. if you happen to see a bullet riddled office space on CNN this evening and repeated phone calls to me go unreturned, please tell my mother i love her.

have you had any encounters with homicidal co-workers? if so, do tell.


g13 said...

if you happened to pop in when this time waster was first posted you may have seen the scowling face of adolph eichmann and an ill-considered joke about how he was generally considered one of the most homicidal co-workers of all time.

while using inappropriate nazi illustrations is part and parcel of the whole evangelical preacher schtick, it was completely inappropriate in this instance. please accept my apologies.

Before Girl said...

This is why I have hiding spaces in the workplace. Places to go when the sh*t hits the fan, and at least two of them. After all, I want to be that coworker that has the news byte: "...Seemed like a quiet guy, kept to himself. I never thought he would go this far...".

ahbahsean said...

Could I use your coworker for one of my diagnostic interview reports this semester? He sounds more fun than the healthy people I'm interviewing instead.

cade said...

i had a boss once who (though not on work property or in anyway work-related...thank the Lord) decided that his recently-ended marriage did NOT, in fact, need to be over.

apparently, his idea of winning her back was to tie her up and barricade himself inside her house for roughly a week.

the cops finally convinced him it wasn't a good idea.

not really that funny, now that i've typed it.

cade said...

of course, this is the same job that considered hiring half-way house dwelling drug addicts for the overnight shifts (the ones i was on, naturally) as their contribution to the community.

i do miss that place.