musing about Lk. 4:14-30
the gospel is not merely a proposition we need to believe. it is also a reversal and release that we need to experience. after being immersed in evangelical theology for eight years i can effectively explain, apply and illustrate the truth of substitutionary atonement. however, as the years fly by i am beginning to realize that this proposition is only a door that leads us into a deeper experience of salvation.
i could not believe the gospel if i had not descended through the depths of depression (and the substance abuse, self-loathing and catatonic nights at a 24 hour, hopper inspired diners that accompanied it) only to find the broken Christ at the bottom. it is this Christ, the utterly forsaken, yet full of faith, that led me to believe that the abyss is not the end.
moreover, i suspect that Christ commanded the seventy times seven because he knew that we needed to extend as well as receive the release of the gospel. perhaps it is not until we have proclaimed release to the prisoners of our expectations and unshackled others from their onerous obligations that we can fully enter into the year of the Lord's favor.
my prayer for you, dear reader, does not differ from my personal petition. i pray that we will fully experience the reversal and release that is offered to us in Jesus Christ. God help us if we settle for a proposition when we can fully experience the year of the Lord's favor.
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9 comments:
thank you for your comments.
james, i hear you about expectations. God loves to upset them, doesn't he.
eva, i think leonard cohen might have offered the best-word for the beat down, bedraggled and broken when he reminded us that "there are cracks, cracks in everything. that's how the light gets in."
peace.
How did you finally get out of your depression?
Sometimes I do drugs because its the only thing that will kill the emotional pain I feel sometimes.
I used to be so close to God, but lately He seems so far away.
wow Cherry...that's a deep question that i cannot hope to answer.
what i can do is tell you what worked for me. after years of struggling through depression i met with a christian therapist who convinced me that i needed to stop hiding when i saw storm clouds on the horizon. instead, he challenged me to stand up and stagger towards psychological health.
i know that his advice sounds cliche. in fact, i was incredibly pissed off when he made this suggestion. but over the years i have learned to stagger forward in, and towards, hope, even though i sense that the abyss is always around the corner.
though i do not know your road or where it leads, i pray that God will grant you an extra measure of grace and guidance as you continue to walk upon it.
peace be with you.
To me being in a depressed state is similar to being stuck in a narrow hole. You know w/o a doubt that if you could climb out and look at the world from the same eye's view as everyone else you'd be fine, but instead you're stuck in this narrow space unable to climb out. The harder you focus on your surroundings the more closed in you feel. To make that paradigm shift and look at the whole situation differently (ie, to be back at eye's view with everyone else) takes a lot of courage and usually some help. I don't believe it's something to do alone. You can't tell yourself "Don't be depressed!" ...that doesn't help at all. It's easy to fall into a pattern and get trapped within. God's looking for that better foothold to lift you out of that hole. Remember we aren't broken overnight, and unfortunately we usually don't get fixed overnight either.
i am more than willing to defer to the counselor-in-training among us.
cherry, i hope that you didn't hear me saying that one should go it alone. meeting with a therapist, as brief as our time together was and as unexpected as his advice was, was absolutely essential for me.
Thanks for the suggestion. My husband has really been pushing me to go to counseling. I don't really feel comfortable talking to the pastor at my church though.
I have heard my Christian radio station talk about Christian counseling and its the only way to go, but I can't imagine telling a Christian the things that go through my mind and the things I do to kill the pain.
Try AACC.net or personalsolutions.com
The first is a christian-certified counseling organization and the other is a referral site for the American Counseling Association. Both link to 'find a counselors'. If they don't work make some phone calls and ask them if they are LPCs (Licensed Professional Counselors). In the initial interview ask them their counseling style, if you feel comfortable with them give it a few sessions, if they say things that make you uncomfortable then find someone else. Remember they work for you.
again, i think becky's advice is solid.
cherry, i also think your reluctance to go to your pastor makes sense. a lot of pastors (um...such as myself) are not competent counselors.
I think that my experience of coming to Christ was surprisingly like Gentry's (I'd be interested to know in what time span of your life things happened). For me, the manner in which I came out of depression is best summarized in jean vanier's beautiful book "seeing beyond depression". I didn't read the book at the time, but in reading it at a later period in my life I found that he really understood what I had gone through and how recovery was possible. To oversimplify, it was having someone come into my life who was really able to enter into my sadness, sit with me, listen to me, understand what I was going through, and eventually through their love and actions show me what was possible on the other side. Of course, there's more to it than I can say in words. But I would strongly reccomend vanier's book to anyone who struggles with depression or wants to truly love someone who is in those struggles.
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