the beverly blotter
on saturday night our karoke queen and condo-mate anita brought down the the beverly citizen. the citizen is a weekly paper that reads like it was written by twelve year olds. thus, it is a constant source of entertainment.
this week we found the police blotter particularly entertaining. thus, following in the tradition of my favorite doctor, i am providing my own top five.
Top Five Entries in the Beverly Blotter:
1. Monday, November 22. "2:36 a.m. Police received a report that a person was sitting in a vehicle for 30 minutes on Essex Street."
2. "8:30 p.m. Youths reported near a Brimbal Avenue fence."
3. Tuesday, November 23. "11:17 p.m. A Thompson Road resident reported that he thought someone was in his home."
4. Wednesday, November 24. "11:16 p.m. A juvenile was throwing furniture on Kernwood Avenue."
5. Thursday, November 25. "12:59 a.m. An unknown vehicle reportedly pulled into a driveway on Trask Street."
Honorable Mention:
Friday, November 26. "3:26 p.m. Police received a report that a man with a gun shot a rat on Park Street."
"8:43 p.m. A Littleton resident reported that she lost a black fanny pack."
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Judson St: Local residents flee homes to escape American Legion community concerts.
Judson St: Conditioned neighbors fail to respond to auto theft of man who sets off car alarm five times daily.
Judson St: Dog unable to shit because of wine cork found plugging his hole.
Judson St: Badly parked Ford F150 keyed.
Just some wishful thinking....Kellie
oh they're real. and they're spectacular!
For more amusing blotter notes, try also the "North Reading Transcript" or its sister paper the "Lynnfield Villager." There used to be things in it like: "9/8/02: a deer spotted on Peach Street." The Villager itself is only four pages long. Some newspaper. -krista
Perhaps this link will inspire you.
james,
in my former life, i made the blotter on a number of occasions. one time i even graduated from the blotter to the front page.
i guess that's what happens when you steal a couple grand worth of crushed aluminum cans in order to donate them to charity. the plan would have inspired robin hood. we were going to steal aluminum cans from a nasty industrial park in order to help fund the united way's christmas drive. little did we know that the industrial site that we chose was the location of a workshop for handicapped people. robbing from the poor in order to serve the poor doesn't look so good.
damnit, there goes my moral tourette's again. i need to keep some of these stories under wraps!
i laughed at the blotter...i can relate from my very small home town weekly paper...but laughed even harder at Seinfeld...it kills me how many sayings people remember from the greatest show of all times!
james,
as for me and my house, we're in. kellie's already got some decent ideas. and i'm sure there's an h2 in beverly farms that i can practice my performance art on.
Gentry...I'll play your victim.
I know a tricked out baby blue on bridge street if you can't find an H2 (in Beverly, who are we kidding!)... just erase the digital paper trail...
oh, and count me in as number 7... *insert apropriately long evil laugh here*
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