tension

i help lead a relational christian community, yet perceive myself as the primary leader of a hierarchal congregation. thus, i value interdependence, but fail to comprehend that our church's mission and vision must be the product of collaboration. likewise, i believe that each member is responsible for the vitality of our community, yet i never fail to accept sole responsibility for our failures.

i am passionate about proclaiming the gospel of redemption, yet am deeply committed to the incarnation of Christ's compassion. thus, when i hear evangelicals' stirring calls to conversion, a cord in my heart vibrates, and when i experience the inclusive, unconditional love of my episcopalian family and friends, another cord rings true. i am often tempted focus on one cord or the other, but know that in order to follow Christ, i must play both. i often wish that i could be either a virtuoso evangelist or social worker, instead of dealing with the characteristic frustration and mediocrity of the both/and.

i want to be known for extravagant, inclusive love and the proclamation of an exclusive gospel. i long to win the affections of men and God. i want to have my cake and eat it too.

Lord God, grant me the grace to live in the tension. i want to follow the One who was both Man and God, characterized by justice and mercy and who reigns over the now but not yet.