a long overdue confession

over the past few weeks i have realized that more and more LCCers have been reading this blog. friends, your presence has warmed my heart and the resulting thaw has flowered forth in confession.

first, i would like to apologize for the way that i treated you during our four years together. i realize that my attitude often suggested a superiority complex and my psuedo-intellectual interests often smelled like snobbery, but neither my attitude nor my apparent snobbery were intentional. rather, these unsavory elements of my character were products of my fear of vocational transition as well as a deep seated-sense of inadequacy. i harbored such a deep passion for self-identification that i was often uninterested in identifying with the group. so in the process of trying to find myself, i alienated myself from my community...and suffered as a result.

second, i would like to share with you a snapshot of the journey that saved my life. on my senior year 'week of e' and for the summer following graduation i served as an assistant with the l'arche daybreak community of toronto, canada. though my time at l'arche taught me many things, the most important lesson that i learned was that everyone, from my non-verbal housemate michael to my staunchest enemies (it probably will not be hard for you to believe that i have always had a few) have a gift to give. each life, insofar as it is created in the image of God, has overwhelming value. l'arche taught me that my role as an assistant was to be a midwife to the core members, as i assisted them in giving birth to their own identity and their own unique giftedness. in the end, i realized that they (especially michael) were midwives to me. i left l'arche with a true sense of my identity as a servant of christ, but, more importantly, i left there with the understanding that every person has an irreplaceable gift to give to the community. moreover, to fail to recognize and to celebrate that gift is to fail to love our Creator God.

third, and most importantly, i have specific apologies to make:

jaimie, i am sorry for my uncritical rejection and, at times, condemnation of you. i thought that loyalty to my friend required me to condemn you. this was not an expectation he placed upon our friendship, but my ignorant assumption. i was so wrong. because of my blindness i failed to see the gifts that you brought to our community. please forgive me.

wentz, i was rather jealous of you. you walked into our community during my sophomore year and were immediately recognized as the man of character and wisdom that you are. for some foolish reason i thought 'success' for me would eventually lead to competition with you. nothing could be further from the truth. i have since realized that competition is not a christian virtue, but a heinous vice. i am sorry that i let such faulty thinking stand in the way of getting to know you. i am also sorry for trying to dash your innate sense of mystery and wonder. if i remember correctly, and it was sin--so chances are quite good that i do, there was an occasion on which you pointed out to me the intricate beauty of one of the earthworms that liked to call our sidewalks home. i didn't respond to your reflection but rejoiced in stomping the earthworm into oblivion, as if such an action would quench the quirky wonder that characterizes your spirit. that was incredibly foolish...st. francis would have been ashamed of my action and i am as well. please forgive me.

em-em, you probably don't read this, but it needs to be said anyhow. i am sorry for the way things played out between us. i had every intention to treat you like a younger sister, with absolute purity, but i failed more often than not. if i could only change one thing about our friendship, which meant more to me that my year long silence would lead you to believe, it would be the ending. i was shocked that someone other than myself announced to you something that i would have rather shared in a more personal way. i hope that it doesn't pour the proverbial salt in the wound for me to wish you the best as you head to philadelphia. i have little doubt that through your gifts numerous corners of the developing world will be introduced to the wonderful majesty of God's Kingdom.

undoubtedly there are more things to say, but i trust that you can hear the cry of my heart. i long to realize the reconciliation that Christ has effected between us and hope that in some small way we can experience the community that i so foolishly neglected some years ago.

peace of Christ,

gentry