captivated by a clown

note to self: avoid all future seminars on cocaine and the mystical christ

for the record...

the blank page doesn't fear me.

for the rest of us



if jim halpert was the acting manager at rectangle, he'd probably approach holidays in much the same way that he approached birthdays. thus instead of throwing a half-a-dozen, relatively meaningless, rather expensive and wholly unproductive celebrations throughout the year he'd probably establish one previously inconsequential day as festivus and would throw a vending machine catered and tastefully, florescent lit party for one and all.

i don't know if i would do what jim would do, but i think such an action would make sense.

further, if jim was acting manager at rectangle, he either wouldn't participate in stupid gift exchanges with his co-workers or would abolish secret santas, white elephant or other such ignorant schemes altogether. although he is generally a congenial guy, jim wouldn't be roped into buying a gift for his superiors when his minimal yearly commission would make it financially unreasonable to purchase a little something for pam.

i can neither confirm nor deny whether i would support such plans, but i can clearly comprehend jim's logic.

finally, if jim was acting manager at rectangle, he'd undoubtedly be his funny, engaging self, ever eager to pull a prank on andy or catch up with toby over a coffee. however, he would not be desperate enough to make work the social center of his little life and would probably skip out of the festivus party in midstream in order to share a romantic drink with pam on the roof or play a little uninterrupted game of ping pong with darrell.

in regards to the latter, i cannot say i would follow in his steps exactly, but my path would be roughly parallel.

of course, jim isn't the acting manager at rectangle, so the reasonable folk who work there will in no way be rescued from the ignorant, annoying and inefficient schemes of the party planning committee. gee whiz...let the fun begin!

overheard: the nyt shares tales of jewish emergence



i am really exhausted and would rather sleep than summarize this article completely, but tonight i stumbled across the new york times* front page and was surprised to find a fascinating story about emergent forms of jewish worship.

apparently a number of young jews throughout the country are starting lay led, gender inclusive "independent prayer groups, or minyanim" where people of the faith are gathering to read the Torah, sing songs of the faith and search for a "sense of sacred community." how cool is that? i hope that the good folks at jewcy are involved.

if you know more about this emerging form of jewish worship, feel free to drop a comment below. i'd love to learn more about this developing movement.

* cnn.com you are dead to me. since you're so dead set on snorting cocaine off of britney's ass, i'm switching my allegiance to the nyt. salut.

unsolicited opinions...

mc lovin'

1. my son: as if you didn't already know that.
2. the pix's pecan pie: 2,000 calories of crunchy, molasses sweet, septic shock inducing glory.
3. seth rogen: partnering up with kevin smith to shoot zack and miri shoot a phono.
4. dr. james as john proctor: dude damn near knocked my knickers off. seriously.
5. free money: thank you family foundations and keep it coming. baby needs a new pair of shoes!

eh...

1. the boston celtics and the nba: love the free tickets, hate the sloppy play and the simultaneously demeaning and demanding scoreboard. i'll clap my hands when i am gosh darn good and ready!
2. jon krakauer's under the banner of heaven: hey, i hate the polygamists too, but some of the simplistic faith vs. reason theologising really bugs.
3. nick hornby's slam: sure, i devoured it in two days, but about a boy and high fidelity it is not.
4. band of brothers: intriguing story and quality cast, but the narrative arcs are not definitively sketched and the dirge like tone gets a little old. take a lesson from your allies easy by learning to always look on the bright side of life. i think a revision is in order. that episode about pvt. blithe just about killed me. wow.
5. christmas: hate the music, hate consumerism, hate obligatory gifts, hate claymation but afraid to offend fred claus.

hatin'

1. fnl: i'm glad the writers went on strike since scabs could surely do better. memo to mr. berg: win state is a legitimate, season long metanarrative. wfw (or who f'd who) is not.
2. micromana...uh, hate feeling the freedom to holler the things i hate. once bitten, twice shy i suppose.
3. dizzy dean: the dog who submitted to the sodium pentothol i always threatened. that is one irony i could live without.
4. extreme home makeover: dying of a terrible disease? taking care of your eighteen nieces and nephews? tractor tore your testicles clean off? here's what you need? the american dream! once you increase that carbon footprint, turn on that plasma screen and soak in your hot tub for twenty, you'll feel all better!
5. my taste in movies: even with all scruples considered, i will not be able to dis zack and miri on opening weekend. i know, i know. indefensable.

consider yourself solicited.

widdily wah!


little p rocks the electric duckie.

musing…

growing up, i had the impression that christian ministers were offered their posts on account of their moral accomplishments, theological acumen and commitment to their local communities. for that reason, i often converted descriptive passages such as i timothy 3 into a virtual checklists for prospective christian leaders.

“so you want to dance lead?” st. paul somberly asked. “if so, please answer the following questions in five hundred words or less: do you have the same quality of character as your pa pa? are you sexing up anyone other than your wife? are your children little shits?”

however, now that i’ve stumbled after Christ for a number of years, i am starting to realize that my ministry is not something that i have acquired on account of my moral qualifications. rather, the origins of my ministry are rooted in the sovereign, undeserved, seemingly awkward and nearly impossible to interpret calling of God.

i’m not saying that i’m indifferent to importance of developing the character traits that paul outlines in i timothy 3. but, thus far anyway, the purpose and power of ministry seem to reside less in my character development than in the simultaneously wonderful and horrifying knowledge that God has intertwined a life that is, admittedly, not worthy to be incorporated into the scum of the earth with the remarkably beautiful, good and true life of the suffering Servant.

as i’ve mentioned before, much like the whisky priest in greene’s power and the glory and buechner’s godric, i (somewhat) realize that i am a part of the compost of the world out of which God intends to bring new life. so please excuse me if i smell like shit and fail to measure up to paul’s metrics. this life is not an expression of personal ambition or intention but the direct result of an unexpected and undeserved calling.

overheard: megachurches add local economy to their mission


one of the persistent criticisms of megachurches has been that the tax-exempt facilities they own as well as the strain such facilities put on local utilities leads to a drain on the church's local economies. in fact, a few weeks ago christianitytoday.com reported* that a few counties in florida are starting to limit the number of churches that can be incorporated within their jurisdictions due to the demand such facilities put on local resources.

for these reasons, i was surprised to click open the new york times this morning and find a well balanced consideration of the positive and negative influences american megachurches are having on their local economies. one of the churches that is featured has developed a sports dome that is the largest inflatable sports facility not only in anchorage, where the church is located, but in north america. other churches, such as t.d. jakes' potter's house in dallas are in the midst of building mixed-use residential communities that are inspired by the new urbanism movement in architecture.

as the article explains in much greater detail, the sports facilities, shopping centers, credit unions, western inspired theme parks and neighborhoods that these churches are birthing raise thorny questions about the relationship between tax-exempt organizations and for-profit corporations in any given community. however, if these new initiatives create jobs, serve the needs of the people, revitalize underutilized facilities and expand the tax base in local communities, i can see their value. of course, far too many of these initiatives are probably adding to urban sprawl, carefully skirting property taxes and demanding a disproportionate allocation of their church's budget, but in an economy that is trending downward i am more open to such developments than i have been previously.

so that's my opinion, not that it matters. if you are not interested in reading the article, check out the nifty slide show that accompanies the article.

* i tried to locate the CT article that discussed these matters but was unable to do so.

musing...


just this morning, before i left the office to advocate for a client, my boss told me that he had received an urgent request to meet with his boss the afternoon before, but had not been able to contact the boss before the end of the business day. although i realized that the urgent meeting request probably concerned a small administrative matter or a moving discussion of budget minutiae, i worried throughout the morning that the real topic of concern was my impending termination. for that reason, i spent most of the morning worrying whether something i said, a post i had written or a person i had offended would lead to the unexpected end of a job i dearly love. in short course, such worries led to prayers, compulsive crossing and fears that i would not react to the firing in a healthy manner.

i am incredibly relieved that i no longer spend my days commodifying Christ at lightway christian stores, but if i told you that my firing did not leave a scar i'd be lying. i can't tell you how many times over the past two years i've broke out into cold sweats worrying if a word muttered in frustration, a courtesy left undone or a quick check of the scores on espn.com would be my undoing.

much to my relief, i have since learned that my boss' conversation was about minutiae and i am no longer afraid of spending the next six weeks freaking out about employment. however, the termination terrors that i periodically endure annoy me greatly and are yet another reason that i would be terrified to pursue the path of professional christianity.*

* where, i suspect, 25% of what i say, 70% of the movies i watch and 60% of my political opinions could get me fired in very short order.

whodunit?


something is horribly wrong with the gentry fridge! carefully assess the evidence in order to determine a) what is horribly wrong with the fridge and b) who defaced our beloved fridge in this way.

i'm not offering you any clues on the first question. but as to the second, i have two culprits in mind: one who has daily access to such offensive material and another whose sense of humor often delights in such vulgar displays.

for the love of god* please help us solve this crime!

* whom, i've heard, "ain't poor no more."

man-u-preston




nothing substantial to add. just thought i'd add a few postcards for faraway friends.

happy haiku



paper-in-plastic
elephant eared latina
behold the good news


red smock, blue apron
plastic bags not worth saving
a life examined


handouts from hindus
serve as supplements for wic
ganesh gives good gifts


cold goya soda
compliments chicken and rice
laughter for dessert


recycle-the-hut
requires can submission
the least shall be first


sweeping the nation
yo quiero tres crustacean
spicy on the lip

still hysterical

musing...



this morning, as i listened to morning edition reporting on the consistent, devaluation of the dollar, the precipitous price of oil and the possibility of chinese companies divesting their american assets and shifting their focus to europe and the euro, i started to wrestle with a strange set of questions. namely, if our country's impending recession devolved into a full blown depression, how would my family respond?

would we exchange our little condo for a more communitarian existence? if we chose the latter option would we live communally in new england, choose to live with extended family or move to the midwest where we could produce more of the food we would need to subsist? in a desperate economy, how would my view of work change? would i be more willing to work a job that met our necessities but was relatively bereft of meaning? how would such circumstances alter my spirituality and my understanding of God? would theological discussions become less of a parlor game and more, or less, essential to a good, beautiful and true existence? would my relationships with friends, family and the other deepen or be distressed?

how do you think a catastrophic economic depression, such as that experienced by my paternal grandparents, who were part of the diaspora that traipsed from oklahoma to california in the 1930s, would effect you and your family?

moreover, if you are a member of the body of Christ, how do you think such circumstances would alter the mission and ministry of the church? as per the church, i suspect that during a depression sermon series on topics such as "how to make friends at work" and "extreme money makeover" would wilt on the side of the road. in addition, the content of your best life now would probably have to be significantly revised. but, i'll leave further discussion of how the church might respond to the comments section.

maybe these musings should be written off as the apocalyptic anxieties of a third generation okie. but maybe considering such questions will help us better understand who we are as individuals and communities as well as what changes we might need to make in order to persevere through the tough economic, political, spiritual and relational times that are bound to come.

inappropriate!

recently viewed and recommended


last saturday night a group of us gathered to gorge on sausage and cabbage, one of pix's finest dishes, and watch the lives of others, a german film that was awarded the best foreign film oscar in 2007.

the narrative arc of the lives of others focuses on a well respected german state security agent who helps incite and subsequently conducts extensive surveillance on a celebrated east german playwright in hopes of exposing the artist's disloyalty and securing the affections of the artist's girl.

however, as the agent sits in the attic above the artist's apartment, constantly listening to the artists' conversations and carefully preparing his reports, he slowly begins to empathize with his subjects and ultimately identifies with them to such a degree that his loyalties are severely tested.

the lives of others is a magnificent film which will undoubtedly mean many things to many people. however, as i watched this film i could not help but think of it as a parable that emphasizes the significance of careful listening and warns the viewer of the unexpected consequences that arise from truly identifying with the other.

i often wish that i had better listening skills and found it easier to empathize with others. however, after watching the film, i have to wonder whether i am capable and willing to face the manifold consequences that result from such careful listening.

musing...


yesterday i had the opportunity to speak on 1 corinthians 1:26ff at the gathering. on saturday i did a fair amount of research on 1st corinthians and, as a result, felt that i had a pretty solid understanding of the text. however, when i tried to give shape and structure to my message early sunday morning, i felt the text slipping through my fingers like so many grains of sand. on account of these conflicting experiences, when i stood up before the gathering on sunday, i felt simultaneously slathered in unction and rhetorically retarded. i knew i had something to say, but i had no clue how i was going to say it.

for this reason, i carefully preempted my preaching with a disclaimer that sounded something like this:

"for so long i have wanted to be able to preach a sermon that resounds like peter in acts 2. a part of me would love to stand before you and pronounce something similar to peter's punch line: 'God has made this Jesus, whom you crucified, both Lord and Christ!' however, instead of peter's bold propositions, i usually find myself sharing with you only the most provisional thoughts, ideas that emanate from wrestling with questions far more often than they spring forth from certainty. so i hope you don't mind me standing before you today and giving you a glimpse of the way i have wrestled with this text and how, in the end, this text has served as a sort of theological lens through which i have tried to interpret the experiences i had in the streets of salem this halloween."

i have little doubt that my characterization of my sermon as a provisional musing has derived from cadences of home: preaching among exiles, a remarkable little book by walter brueggemann that i've recently been reading. in one of the chapters of the book brueggemann makes a case for testimony as a fitting form for contemporary preaching. such testimony, brueggemann suggests should: render Yahweh as credible by linking our renderings to "real life circumstance;" speak about Yahweh as an "accepted, assumed, embraced Character who belongs invariably and without question in the middle of the narrative;" and suggest that Yahweh is so indispensable that "if one omits Yahweh from the tale, the tale collapses into nonsense."* brueggemann believes that this fragile, contextual proclamation makes far more sense in our cultural context than propositional preaching which, by its very form, suggests not only the existence of absolutes but also a shared, empirical epistemology through which, presumably, a community can observe defined phenomena and arrive at a singular conclusion.

undoubtedly many in the biblical preaching/big idea camp that i was reared in would warn that brueggemann's homiletic - if we can even speak of his musings as such - is so full of holes that it would immediately capsize an evangel into the pluralistic, postmodern seas. however, as i read it, brueggemann's homiletic gives me hope that even paper mache sermons such as mine might occasionally catch the winds of the spirit and be directed towards safe, if unsuspecting, harbors.

in the hours since i stood before the gathering, i've realized that my life is just as provisional as the sermon i just preached. although i usually live as though the unexamined life is the only one worth living, in rare moments like these i am by turns grateful for and terrified of the life of self(ish)less service, provisional sermons and reticent, if resplendent, relationship that lies before me.

yet tomorrow, heart-full and spiritually stunted, i plan on putting this paper mache back out to sea. by God's grace, i'll raise the sails and she'll blow where He wills.**

* Ibid, Westminster John Knox Press: Louisville, pg. 43.
** no, you know that's not what i mean. get your head out of the gutter. wait, i didn't mean that head and that, oh forget it. so it is written.

confession...



yesterday i was barefoot, barely clothed and bawling for confessions on the streets of salem.

since my role as carnival barker* required me to perform a lot more clowning and calling than confessing** i did not have the opportunity to get much off of my chest. so, please bless me by sitting still for one more moment and hearing what i have to say.

i don't like being a fool for Christ, but a fool is undoubtedly what i am. i usually cannot believe all that i hope in, but continue to preach. i rarely choose to bless those who curse me and usually curse more often than i bless. nine times out of ten i not only eschew the prayer closet but also find it hard to opt for silence instead of morning edition.

i am not worthy of Christ, but have been wholly subverted by his grace and though he alone is my righteousness i seem to imitate him less and less. i am as confounded by Christ as godric, as compromised as the whisky priest and duplicitous as jacob. yet, for some unknown reason, every time He cues the song i start to stumble forward.

send in the clown.

* which fits me a little better than say, martin luther, the role pastor phil talked me into playing on friday night.
** dr. james reports that my actual ratio of clowning to confessing was 67.5 to 1.

overheard...

according to stephanie simon of the los angeles times, southwestern baptist seminary in texas has reinvigorated their humanities program by inviting the weaker sex to minor in home economics.

money quotes:

"Equal but different. You hear that a lot on the lush green campus of Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. God values men and women equally, any student here will tell you. It's just that he's given them different responsibilities: Men make decisions; women make dinner."

"A model house, to be completed by next fall, will allow women to get credit toward bachelor's degrees by learning how to set tables, sew buttons, and sustain lively dinner-time conversation."

too bad the baptist general conference wrestled control of baylor university from the man hands of the sbc. if baylor's board of regents had let the sbc have their way 99% of the married women in waco would have already participated in the life-changing "scouring toilets while sharing Christ" campaign.

now that you've read this take, read the article for yourself.