They Hate Our Freedom!

now that's just crazy talk





kevin smith clark always tells me that i'm a "crazy magnet." lately, i've found little evidence to refute his claims.

i spent the first five hours of my day undergoing first aid training while sitting under a strapping sixty-five year old male who wore black kicks with g-ride emblazoned upon the side and told us not to worry about compressing a victim's heart while the heart was still beating for, apparently, old research that suggested that such compressions would decrease the flow of blood to the head have proven to be "phallus."

I HAD THE BEST F'ING STORY HERE ABOUT THE UNKNOWN CONNECTION BETWEEN UN-CIRCUMCISION AND SPIRITUAL REBIRTH. BUT FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST...*

i hate to beat a dead horse here, but r.i.p. barbaro. pray tell, if roger clemens tears his achilles tendon while preparing for his inevitably banal july call-up can we hope for the same favorable result?

the picture of dizzy that i posted above is pretty much apropos of nothing. though she did flash some mad skillz this evening when she stole oven roasted chicken off of the kitchen counter without making so much as making a sound. click the pic above and you'll receive a clue about dizzy's predestined end.

* NB: i could probably be persuaded to share the story via email.

an open source teaching on spiritual accompaniment

i've been thinking a lot about evangelism/outreach/proselytizing/whatever you want to call it because in two weeks i am slated to teach on this topic and i need to get my shit together. okay, i confess that is not the only reason i've been thinking about it. i am also quite concerned that sinners and saints as well as the majority of churches and communities that are a part of the emergent conversation* are fairly clueless and/or ineffective at introducing people to the way of Jesus.

anyway, since i am teaching on this topic, which i've taken to calling "spiritual accompaniment," in two weeks and since i am also committed to miah's axiom that "all of us are smarter than any of us" i would like for you to offer your opinions, enter into dialog and explore this essential practice of the christian faith with me so that the community of God will actually benefit from my/our collaborative teaching.

are you willing to enter into this process with me? i hope so. in order to facilitate the discussion i am going to organize my thoughts under the following headings, what i'm reading, what i'm thinking, what others are saying and what do you think?. please not that this conversation is open to anyone and everyone...i am interested to hear what christians who are more conservative/traditional than me think, i am interested in what people who do not follow Jesus have to think, i'm even interested in what the authors of scripture had the gall to think. so, dear friends, if you're interested in this conversation and have something to add please do not censor yourself or hesitate to speak.

i'm really excited about this open source idea and i hope you are too. here we go...

what i'm reading

• our journey home, by jean vanier. i started this volume, which i had failed to complete in the past, in hopes that jean, who is the founder of l'arche, would have something to say about my new work with those who have ability and are seeking employment. although, up to this point anyway, this book is more of an exploration in spiritual development for those who are longing for maturity and fecundity** i think that it will help me in a general sense.


• hannah coulter, by wendell berry. this is another volume in berry's fantastic port william cycle of novels. these novels celebrate the simple, yet beautiful lives of reflective individuals, the importance of "membership" in one's community and the essential role "place" plays in the meaning of one's existence. i really enjoyed jayber crow, another volume in this series, so i decided to give this book a shot. it has yet to disappoint.


• five streams of the emerging church, a CT article by eminent theologian and friend of emergent scott mcknight. in this article, scott fashioned my fear concerning our church's apparently inadequate approach to evangelism into words. i'd say more, but i've provided an excerpt below

what i'm thinking

i suspect that it is time for us to set aside the term "evangelism." i don't know about you, but for me this term brings to mind fear-based dawson mcallister altar calls, late night church camp viewings of a thief in the night and the hilarious encounters my friends fletch and tuxedo ken have recently had with street preachers. i am not interested in introducing people to Jesus as a proposition as much as a person and i suspect that one is not saved by believing certain propositions about Jesus but by living incarnationally in the way of my Lord. so i've started to talk about the practice of introducing people to Jesus as spiritual accompaniment. for me, the latter term implies an approach that is more focused on partnering with people, listening to them and, God-willing, helping them to see the places that God is intersecting with their ordinary lives than it is upon convincing them that they've broken the ten commandments and are going to see a gory movie of their lives in heaven before they are quickly shuttled to hell for not saying the right things about Christ.

that being said, i don't think that spiritual accompaniment is a practice that simply focuses on spiritual conversations. i think that spiritual conversations are good and we need to listen to people's stories without judgment and with real interest (i.e., not just looking for a crack under which we can pour the blood of Jesus). however, i think it is also important for those of us who follow Jesus to remember that we believe the way of Jesus is the most good, beautiful and true way to live now and in the fullness of the Kingdom that is to come. my friend tim hawkins recently told me that he hated a certain, well-known "emergentee" book because he thought it had encouraged young people to see initiating spiritual conversation as almost an end in and of itself. tim - and he can correct me here if i am wrong - thinks it is important for believers to have open, authentic spiritual conversations with people without giving up hope that all will be intrigued with and perhaps even decide to walk in the way of Jesus. i think tim is onto something here. merely having spiritual conversations is not enough. as my friend rags would say, we need to enter into spiritual conversation and the way of Jesus with the end in mind. or maybe that was steven covey who said that...i always get those success oriented mormons and ozark christian college professors confused.

one last divergent thought, i think that it is important for churches to create a culture of life into which prospective Christ followers will be welcomed and nurtured and out of which these believers will bless and serve the world. as i mentioned to my buddies at the s & s men's breakfast on sunday, i suspect that the existence of such an inclusive, well-defined culture is one of the reasons that so many people are drawn to mega-churches. i don't think people want to be a part of all-encompassing institutions that tell them exactly how to think, act and believe, but i also do not think that a group that is dedicated simply to spiritual conversation and artistic/intellectual expression are cohesive enough to offer people a since of belonging. so i think that s & s and many churches like us would benefit from giving due considerations to the following questions: what kind of culture is our church creating? what is the purpose of our church culture? what are the intended and unintended consequences of this culture that we have created?

what i've found

here's that statement from mcknight's article that i found so intriguing:

"This emerging ambivalence about who is in and who is out creates a serious problem for evangelism. The emerging movement is not known for it, but I wish it were. Unless you proclaim the Good News of Jesus Christ, there is no good news at all—and if there is no Good News, then there is no Christianity, emerging or evangelical.

Personally, I'm an evangelist. Not so much the tract-toting, door-knocking kind, but the Jesus-talking and Jesus-teaching kind. I spend time praying in my office before class and pondering about how to teach in order to bring home the message of the gospel.

So I offer here a warning to the emerging movement: Any movement that is not evangelistic is failing the Lord. We may be humble about what we believe, and we may be careful to make the gospel and its commitments clear, but we must always keep the proper goal in mind: summoning everyone to follow Jesus Christ and to discover the redemptive work of God in Christ through the Spirit of God."

in becoming human vanier has a number of fascinating things to say about the exercise of authority. a topic which is more than fitting for church leaders to consider. here are a few excerpts:

"At L'Arche I have discovered two kinds of authority: an authority which imposes, dominates and controls; and an authority which accompanies, listens, liberates, empowers, gives people confidence in themselves and calls them to be aware of their responsibilities (pg. 110)."

"True authority does not seek to impose an ideal, but rather to guide reality towards an attainable and possible end. It does not impose, it guides (115)."

what do you think?

do you think that we should set aside the term "evangelism?" what would be the potential benefits and/or weaknesses of doing or failing to do so?

what does the mega-church movement and main-stream evangelicalism have to teach emerging communities about evangelism/outreach/spiritual accompaniment?

what are the negative consequences of the traditional approaches to evangelism that emerging communities should avoid?

do you share scott mcknight's fear concerning emergent communities and evangelism? why or why not?

is there any other reflections you would like to offer?

what color is miss lippy's car anyway?

* read that last part again. emergent is a CONVERSATION. not a movement, a potential denomination, a threat to traditional evangelicalism or even an ekklesia of mega-church haters, but simply a conversation between those who are committed to innovative theology, evolutionary missiology and the ascendancy of the democratic party.
** jean uses this french word all the time to speak of the fruitfulness and life giving potential of one's existence. i think that it is a strange, yet beautiful word, even if it was coined by the dirty french.

an overdue update

i'm sorry that i've been so derelicte in regards to this blog. as per usual, i haven't had any lack of opinions to spew, inappropriate thoughts to share or people i would like to piss off, but life has been a bit hectic as of late and i have been operating in full job-preservation mode in regards to the internet.

anyway, i thought you'd like to know that i'm receiving low wages, my office is sixty feet away from office shaking subway tracks, i think i'm going to kill the next mademoiselle who nearly sideswipes me while doing her *&$#%@! hair while navigating traffic and i love my job. i mean, really...i'm love, lovin' it.

on friday afternoon while meeting with one of my work-transition interns i realized that he looks exactly like melvin, the Jewish patriarch who practically ruled the L'arche house of which i was once a member. in that brief moment, my eyes glassed over and i almost lost it. hell, i'm almost loosing it right now as i think about my friendship with melvin, how quickly i once set aside something i loved and how utterly grateful i am to have this opportunity to empower individuals with disabilities.

yesterday i had the opportunity to mutter a monological sermon about 2 corinthians 5 and today i'm being paid to incarnate my commitment to reconciliation and empowering compassion. in the midst all i can do is say soli deo gloria and assure you that not all my edges have come off.

pax.

The Conversation Continues...


thought you might like to know that a number of us are discussing the current state of sinners and saints* and openly wondering/dreaming/scheming about God's future for our little incarnational community. so if you're a member, friend or simply an interested observer of "s & s" feel free to pop over to the church blog.

One Clip to Rule Them All....*



* please note: this clip is patently offensive. if you cannot handle crude humor do not watch it. if you cannot handle crude humor and you watch it anyway i will not respond to your complaints. enjoy!

it's time to break the silence

two weeks ago i was hired by a mid-size social service agency that empowers people with intellectual and physical disabilities. my role within this community based organization is two fold insofar as i am the assistant coordinator of a school to work program that seeks to help high school students find competitive employment and i am also the employment specialist who accompanies the students through the job search process once they graduate. my days are packed full of vocational assessments, client meetings, job training and employment advocacy and i must say that i love it.

looking back, i realize that i have been passionate about accompanying handicapped individuals ever since i met gabe in ms. simmons' fifth grade classroom. this passion was further developed through a court ordered volunteer position at a handicapped workshop,* a magical summer at l'arche daybreak in toronto and ongoing interactions with a diversity of individuals in the greater beverly community.

i suppose this is a long way of saying that i am content with the ways my workday is spent for the first time in almost seven years. moreover, i'm finding that instead of being a drag on my marriage, ministry with s & s and essential relationships my work is now cultivating a creativity and passion that positively influences my other endeavors.

i have so much more to say, but i get to go to work. salut.

* which was the unintended result of a fraternity prank that devolved into a near felony. but that is another story (albeit on par with the saga of "airport girl") altogether.

hey there...



thought you might like to know that, in lieu of work, a number of us are discussing the current state of sinners and saints* and openly wondering/dreaming/scheming about God's future for our little incarnational community. so if you're a member, friend or simply an interested observer of "s & s" feel free to pop over to the church blog.

that's all for now. Peace of Christ to you.

* the little house church community that a number of us are a part of.

pastor phil puts out for next-wave



Thanks to the assistance of a trusted friend, the most recent edition of next-wave ezine features an article from my good friend Phil Wyman. If you are interested in the interaction between followers of Christ and those of other religions, intrigued by innovative means of Christian mission or often find yourself wondering whether your denominational officials can distinguish between theology and missiology, you might want to check this article out.

"My name is Phil Wyman. I live in the city infamous for the Witch Trials of 1692-1693. It is as equally famous for housing thousands of Witches, and Neo-Pagans today. It is also the destination for half a million people each October, and home to the event called Haunted Happenings - a month long Halloween celebration. I live in Salem, Massachusetts. I love it here, and that has probably landed me in the trouble I've had over the last year.

My trouble started with an innocent photo. It ended with a certified letter which coldly stated, "This letter serves as a notice that both your ministry credentials, and your ministry's non-profit status with (insert denomination here) have concluded." The point of contention was this: I had made friends with Witches - real live spell casting,
polytheistic (sometimes agnostic), Tarot reading, communicating with the dead Witches.

Read More

an open invite



On Wednesday, January 17th at 8 pm the Boston Cohort will be gathering at the Sheraton Commander in Harvard Square for drinks with Tony Jones. Tony is the National Coordinator of Emergent, the author of a number of books including Postmodern Youth Ministry and The Sacred Way: Spiritual Practices for Everyday Life. Moreover, according to Rick Bennett, Tony also serves as the Spiro Agnew of Brian McLaren's Emergent Administration.

I hope you can join us for drinks, discussion and, perhaps, a dash of ridicule as well. If you have any questions about this gathering, feel free to contact me via email at gentry13@gmail.com or by flashing a pulsing, red cardinal insignia through a clear night sky.

Pax.

a quick comment on another stunning achievement



this morning, after fifteen years of focused effort and ten minutes of hard work, i finally tied my own tie. i cannot truly enjoy this monumental achievement without thanking those that made it possible. dad, thank you for using your hairy, nimble fingers to ensure that i never appeared at parochial school in anything less than appropriate dress. steven hurt, wherever you are, i would like to thank you for teaching a young lad that it is possible to dress professionally and provocatively. thank you for living the dream steven. i hope that this achievement makes you proud. alexander, thank you for providing the overpriced swatch of silk that inspired me to take this step. i am so glad that strapping on silk before stepping into work is one more experience that we can share.

i know, i know that my time is up. please don't restrain me from sharing my gratitude...

finally, how could i almost forget?, i would like to thank the pixie, who in a mere five minutes of abbreviated study and careful application reminded me that this dream was not beyond my eager, emaciated reach. thank you for leading me to heights i previously considered unattainable. i love you.

weird



while sleeping the mid-morning away i dreamed that i was attending a seminary wherein prospective ministers created sermons that explained the sexual perversity of their senior pastors, every ministerial candidate was required to take a counseling course that focused solely on divorce and the seminarian's children often climbed a plastic tower of babel that towered over spring-loaded lions and lambs and other biblically inspired playground equipment.

that would be one weird seminary, but not without worth.

ecclesiological musing

first off, i would like to wish everyone a merry christmas and a happy festivus for the rest of us.

for the past five days i've been visiting family and friends throughout oklahoma* and texas. by and large, my trip has been excellent. i've spent a good deal of time with family, found a long out-of-print baseball novel by mark winegardner and have reconnected with a number of old friends.**

it was one of the latter connections*** that sparked a suspicion that has been burning within me ever since. here's what happened: late last week i had a 'bucks breakfast with a friend that had recently left his position at a mega-church in a distant state for a number of reasons (principle among which was to honor his mother and father and, perhaps, find respite from the non-stop intensity of congregational church ministry). throughout our conversation, my friend spoke about his transition as "leaving the ministry." this term did not sit right with me from the outset since, as i reminded my friend, "any life of discipleship is a commitment to serve or minister to others. there's no getting around this commitment we made." my friend readily agreed with my assertion, yet throughout the conversation he continued to fall back into the pattern of speaking of his transition as though it was a disassociation from his calling. so that was the experience which sparked my suspicions.

the second experience took place last night at a beautiful christmas eve service here in amarillo. in the midst of a beautiful sermon concerning the rupture of the incarnation the preacher noted that the world is not any less dark or filled with war than it was at the time of the Savior's birth. however, he opined, "we know that Jesus did not come to put an end to war, but to save individual hearts and souls from sin." now, i realize that Jesus himself told us that we would hear of "wars and rumours of wars" until the time eternal breaks into the present time. moreover, i know he pleaded with communities full of broken individuals who were "weary and burdened" to come to Him and find rest. however, i do not think that the redemption that Jesus offers communities and the individuals involved in those communities is merely a bloody solution for individual sin. rather, i think that Jesus has redeemed communities of disciples so that we can rage against the darkness of war, poverty and oppression. one only need think of the Christ-infused, non-violent war that martin luther king lead against american apartheid or the, perhaps Christ-inspired, salt campaign that ghandi led against the british, to realize that such revolutions are possible.

anyway, this is a long winded way of saying that i suspect that evangelicalism throughout the south is laboring under an incipient gnosticism that is threatening to dull the reconciling and revolutionary power of the gospel.**** i fear that if we who are followers of Christ fail to work for, incite and experience reconciliation with one another and the re-creation of our communities now, we will never be able to fully enter into the impending fullness of the Kingdom of God that southern churches constantly proclaim.

so that's what i'm thinking about on the day we celebrate the long-awaited incarnation of Jesus Christ. i'd love to hear your response to and reflections upon these assertions.*****

* did you know that next year oklahoma is going to celebrate its centennial? i'm sure that will inspire raucous celebrations throughout the five indian nations that once called oklahoma their own. as i've noted before, in order to take the land oklahoma sits on away from a people group you have to be really intent on screwing them.
** including, this guy, whom i met for lunch at the mcdonald's over the highway in vinita, ok. glamorous.
*** not for this guy that i mentioned above, but that other guy i see from time to time.
**** for the record, i know that i am not the only one to make such observations about the south, but i've never seen the docetic (i.e., the dualistic form of gnosticism that seeks to completely bifurcate the spiritual truth from the fleshly reality) influence as clearly as i have on this trip. moreover, just to let you know that i'm not simply bashing upon my homeland, i'll freely admit that their are other historic christian heresies such as arianism that seem to blight the region i currently call home.
***** please note that they are, in fact, assertions about what i have observed in this particular place during this particular time. they are not in any way intended as accusations concerning a region and churches that i dearly love.

david sedaris as crumpet the christmas elf


this morning, on my way back from an early morning 'bucks meeting with an old friend, i heard david sedaris recount his experience as crumpet the christmas elf. i cannot tell you how refreshing it was to hear the stories of someone who is as tangled up in and hates christmas.*

i hope you can take a minute to listen to this hysterical story. the first person to identify my favorite crumpet punch line will receive one poo dollar.

* for the record, i really like advent. i don't mind a christmas that is preceded by a season of hopeful repentance. it's the christmases that are wrapped in credit card debt and horrific mall experiences that i totally abhor.

dear santa, thank you for dying for our gifts*



* many thanks to kidpositive for turning me on to a christmas story i'll be proud to share with my children.

for shits and grins

ministerial musing

the further i walk down this way the more confounded i become about my calling. i have no idea why God called such a sinner to serve His saints and i question whether i could ever proclaim with st. paul, “follow me as i follow Christ.”

fortunately, although i don’t have the depth of character that is expected of ministers and am one of the most relationally retarded people to ever enter pastoral ministry, i have not been left bereft of role models. as i continue upon this way, i resonate with the stories of graham greene’s whisky priest* and uncle freddy’s godric all the more.

as with the whisky priest, i am a vain, narcissistic man who is almost as fixated on my own interests as i am undone by the sacraments and the opportunity i have to share such gracious secrets with the world. moreover, like God’s wreck** i can sometimes feel God unfolding through my hands and it is on account of those rare emanations that i will never fully surrender to the sins of my flesh nor, i suspect, leave this life of embodied compassion and proclamation.

so there you go. rick warren has w.a. criswell, leighton ford had billy graham*** and i have godric and the whisky priest. i am so utterly thankful for these companions who, along with a surprisingly large contingent of three dimensional characters,**** are encouraging me to remain upon this way.

* his story is recounted in the power and the glory.
** this is one possible etymological root of the name Godric. or at least it might be. the latter character is, on regular occasion, completely full of shit. is it any wonder that i love him?
*** speaking of, if you want to have your heart completely broken, read this washington post article about bessie the cow, billy’s burial place and the striking hubris of the billy frank’s son.
**** in this midst of this horribly beautiful year, wherein God has focused on teaching me obedience through my sufferings, one of these friends admonished me in the midst of such discipline to “not loose all your rough edges.” “for that,” she continued, “is part of your charm.” such words, from such a woman, just about killed me.

the long-awaited return of your fired friend

over the past three weeks i have been pushing out resumes, updating ms office skills and watching far too much television. in the midst of my inertia, i haven't been writing all that much. so in an effort to update you, dear readers, on the minutiae of my life and circumvent writer's block i'm going to run a little online diary for the next four hours.

12:38 p.m.: hey there, sinners and saints. your fired friend is coming to you live from an undisclosed location in southeastern new hampshire where i am currently manning a switchboard for a well-known waste management company. i could tell you more about my current assignment, but then i'd have to kill you.

12:40: okay, okay, i relent. i can tell you that this facility administrates the distribution of nuclear waste throughout the pacific northwest and my primary job is to answer incoming calls from robotic telemarketers who call fifteen times a hour to whisper scintillating, spanish nothings in my ear and offer services that i dare not mention on this family-friendly sit. oh mama citas. if only i was single!

12:46: if you aren't watching friday night lights you should be ashamed of yourself. the show provides one of the most poignant pictures of small town life that i have ever seen. i want to write more about this show at a later date, but i will tell you this: at some point in almost every episode, i find myself on the verge of tears. i realize that the latter fact probably means little to the cry at hallmark commercials and lust for "oprah moments" set, but for me such expressions of emotion are rare. did i mention that you can watch every episode of friday night lights for free until january 3rd? there you go, you have no excuse.

1:11: in addition to hanging up on telemarketers i am beginning to suspect that my primary role at this undisclosed location is to hand out candy and willfully converse with nerds.

1:23: i'm in the midst of reading mark winegardner's the godfather's revenge and, as much as it pains me, i've got to say ehhh. i believe that winegardner is one of our finest writers (i.e., crooked river burning) and i love mario puzo and mob stories in general. however, i suspect that winegardner would be better served by creating works of his own invention rather than maintaining and expanding the storylines of others. that being said, it was a bit of a thrill to hear a mention of mikey z in another context.*

1:43: confession: i hate it when people ask me what i do for a living. i've always thought that i should be a professional and having to tell people that i work in customer service or i'm pimping by the hour just about kills me. i suppose i could tell them that i'm a bi-vocational minister, but what the hell does that mean to most people? sometimes, i don't even know what the latter term means myself.

1:46: in light of that confession i would like to thank God for his wholehearted commitment to my humility.

2:00: okay, i'm boring myself and focused on finishing this book. salut!

3:04: okay, now i'm bored with being bored, so it must be time for a list.

books i've read and enjoyed as of late: the mysteries of pittsburgh by michael chabon; fever pitch by nick hornby; friday night lights** by buzz bissinger; and how (not) to speak of God by peter rollins.

books i've cracked but could not seem to finish: the coast of akron*** by adrienne miller; no logo**** by naomi klein; and summerland by michael chabon.

currently on my lit list: a well-paid slave: curt flood's fight for free agency in professional sports by brad snyder; vera cruz blues by mark winegardner; heaven lake by john dalton; and a couple of engaging books concerning the continent of africa*****.


* to make sense of the latter comment, you'll need to read crooked river.
** so hot, want to touch the hiney!
*** my failure to finish this tome does not diminish my derivative suspicion that midwestern fiction (see crooked river burning, the mysteries of pittsburgh and the corrections for starters) is currently every bit as good as southern fiction.
**** guess i just wasn't lovin' on my liberal side that day.
***** any ideas? please share.

an advent canticle

when my body lies in the ruins
of the lies that nearly ruined me
will you pick up the pieces that were pure and true
and breathe your life into them
and set them free?

~uncle rich, be with you

where, o death, is your victory?

i really don’t know how to talk about these things, so i’m just going to spew them out.

by almost all measures, this has been an absolutely horrible year. in january, i lost a job that i had just started to enjoy after almost six years of meaningless toil. unsurprisingly, that dismissal led to a depression the likes of which i had not experienced since ’95 or ’96. ultimately, my fear of being unemployed led me to accept a job that was not challenging and did not utilize my capabilities. and, to top it off, i lost my loser job the week of thanksgiving when my former, trite giftware company was acquired by a company that peddles even more useless tripe than we did.

moreover, although i’ve always been a little relationally inept, i have never felt as relationally retarded* as i do right now. throughout this year a number of my family and friends have slogged through valleys of unmentionable pain and i have not known how to support them. i haven’t abandoned my dear ones, but i have had little more to offer than a willingness to walk beside them through their personal hells. the combination of my inability to effectively support my friends with my occupational ineptitude eventually led me towards a psychologist’s couch where i have graciously and carefully been encouraged to visit the dark corners of my heart where i have always loathed to tread and confront the fact that though i am surrounded by supporting family and unsurpassed community i continually choose to live as an exile** in the illusory comfort of the margins.

in addition to my occupational and relational issues, i am as confident in my vocation as i am utterly unable to fulfill it. this year has also burdened the sinners and saints community with a number of difficult transitions, convoluted conflicts and missional uncertainties. in the midst of such chaotic times i have not provided clear leadership nor even had a clear picture of what such leadership might be. the only things i have been able to provide are regular teachings on the gospels of luke and occasional glimpses into a soul that is currently being reconstructed. what is more, for some unknown reason in the midst of such ineptitude i have stumbled into a couple of other opportunities to lead and serve. these latter opportunities are at least as horrifying as they are encouraging.

and yet, in the midst of all of this i realize that i am growing in wisdom, stature and favor with God and man at a rate that i have not for almost a decade. in the midst of my ineptitude, i am more in love with God and invested in the incarnational mission of Christ than i have ever been. ironically, the realization of my relational retardation has not alienated me from others but has bound me more tightly to them. it is as though God is simultaneously separating the strands of our lives so that He can weave us together into a basket that can receive, display and serve his beauty, goodness and truth to others. lastly, i have not lamented the loss of my latest job for one moment, but am leaning into the more useful, if not meaningful, employ that God will provide.

there is no doubt that this has been a horrible year indeed. but, in the end, i cannot thank either the Creator or those who have endured it by my side enough for it.

* i usually hate this word and would never use it to refer to people who have significant birth defects, mental and/or physical disabilities. but, for some reason, that is the only word that adequately describes my self-assessment in this area. thus, i do not use this term lightly.

** which is, i suspect, the reason that i am completely in love with the person of Jesus. but that’s a story for another day.