ecclesiological musing...

after the funky little christmas morning service at [p]ilgrim church i talked with [b]ill spencer, [p]ilgrim's pastor of encouragement and resident provocateur, about this and that. he mentioned that e. kerr, a student of his and a friend of mine, had recently left his position at a local church because he finally grew weary of the autocratic, patriarchal style of the congregation's lead pastor. the revelation that one of our most innovative christian minds left the area for pennsylvania, really pissed me off. thus, i continued the conversation by mentioning the inverse relationship i have observed between shared leadership and growth.*

bill quickly agreed with my (admittedly) ad hoc assessment. he said that on a number of occasions people have left their congregation because he refused to be the sole, spectacular leader who provided most of the teaching, imposed his vision and designed/adapted/employed the institution to fulfill his vision. there is little question that bill has the ability to be the type of leader these people want, for he speaks incredibly well, his enthusiasm is infectious and he's even written a number of books. however, he thinks that exchanging [p]ilgrim's shared leadership structure for a sole, autocratic leader would be foolish.

as i reflect on our conversation, i am left with a couple of questions:

1. why do the masses long to be led by a single individual?


2. why are those who are called and equipped to be pastors attracted to this model?

a. what psychological needs does such a position fulfill?

b. should their attraction be attributed to tradition or a particular understanding of mission?


3. is it possible for shared leadership structures to overcome the inversion i have observed?

a. if the answer is yes, what are the steps to such success?

b. if the answer is no, are leaders of shared leadership congregations being to some degree unfaithful to Christ's commission?


if you have any responses or thoughts you would like to share, please do so. moreover, please note that these ecclesiological musings are not a harangue against or an accusation of the congregational model or other traditional forms of church. i'm just trying to understand the ever-evolving ecclesiology of the non-institutional church.


*a shared leadership structure seems to lead to less numerical growth. i haven't done any rigorous study in this area, but i suspect that shared ecclesiastical leadership leads to a diverse understanding of mission, a theology that is shaded with a bit more ambiguity and a composite, as opposed to a unitary, vision. since numerical growth is not my sole focus, i think this is a good thing. however, if i were more narrowly focused on saving souls or evangelizing in the traditional sense, i'd probably rethink our shared leadership structure.

musing...

if you're anything like me, and i think you are, you slog through most of your mornings. you wake up a few minutes later than you wanted to, mutter a greeting to God and whine about the shower running colder than expected. you sort recycling, pay bills and struggle over whether to do the dishes or "let them soak." then you grab a mug of coffee, slather butter on toast and get in the car only to drive to work in a catatonic daze.

but every once in a while, the morning is enchanted. you are overwhelmed with gratitude for the person you love, the God you serve and even the warm kona coffee sitting in your hand. for a few moments, which you suspect are fleeting, the edges on the world are smooth and the pieces fit together. in that moment, that kairos time, your eyes brim with tears and you passionately thank God for everything up to and including the air you breathe.

memorandum from captain random:

8:34 a.m. - this past weekend, while watching the Godfather I & II for the umpteenth time (III never happened), i realized why i love these movies so much. i share the same insular, overprotective tendencies towards mia familia. this tendency has led me to alienate a number of my beloved cousin's potential suitors from the family by gently, yet firmly, telling them that "you will never be a part of this family." moreover, i am utterly reticent to invite anyone i do not trust over to the family compound and have threatened others with enforced foreign exile. i would say that these tendencies have weakened over the years, but the opposite would be nearer to the truth. so you cafones better walk carefully in regards to the family.

9:55 a.m. - the cardinals began the offseason by looking for a top tier starter, a corner outfielder with a power bat, a right-handed set-up man, a situational lefty and an adequate second baseman. however, as we stand on the verge of january here’s how things have crapped out.

starting pitcher: we lost a bidding war for a.j. burnett, which i was quite alright with until we decided to recall sidney ponson from the maryland penal league. now, instead of having a flamethrowing, albeit it severely overpaid, top of the rotation starter we have a un-anorexic, alcoholic #5 starter who will follow a whiny little mediocre bitch of a #4 starter in our rotation.

corner outfielder: we lost out on giles, who apparently likes the san diego sun more than winning and our cheap-arse, revenue rich, slimy republican owners are unwilling to take on the payroll that an edmonds for ramirez swap would require. thus, we should have simply resigned reggie sanders for two years at five million per and waited to pick another corner outfielder out of the mid-season swag bag. instead, we signed juan encarnacion for a longer contract and more money than it would have cost us to retain reggie (who we let go to the mother-e.o.e.ing royals!) and are going to settle with a barely adequate platoon of a taguchi and j. rod in left field. although the encarnacion signing looks adequate if you consider his numbers from last year, chances are excellent that he’s going to suffer a serious reversion to the mean this season and, horror of horrors, make us wish we had tino e.o.e.ing martinez playing right field by seasons end.

right hand set up man: we let the crazy, but effective, tavarez go and replaced him with an overpaid, injury prone, ex-castoff braden looper. did i mention that looper gives up more HRs than almost any reliever in the league? this deal made little sense.

lefty specialist: we swapped mediocrity for mediocrity by replacing ray “burger” king with ricardo Rincon.

second base: we let grudz()*&*&^k go to the e.o.e.ing royals because we were not willing to pay him an extra million a year. instead we are going to let AAA quality luna to serve as our anchor 5 - 6 days a week. i’m just guessing here, but i’d bet that we have five middle infielders in AA or AAA that could serve just as effectively as luna.

i know that jocketty has fielded a quality team time and again and i think that he is biding his time to see what trade bait is dangled around the all-star break. however, i fail to see why our e.o.e.ing owners, who turned a fat profit off of last year’s sentimentality-fueled revenue stream and are going to make millions more off of busch III this year, have decided to run the cardinals like a mid-market team. As I’ve said before, the cardinals are an aging team whose window to win is quickly closing. we can’t expect players like ponson, luna and encarnacion to lead us to a title.

the only upside to all of this is that the cubs have had yet another incredibly futile off-season. their deals for howry and eyre made little to no sense and they are now on the verge of trading mark prior, who at 25 has one of the best arms in the game, for an aging, and perhaps steroid depleted, shortstop. let us pray that hendry and his henchmen make the latter trade.

11:44 a.m. – after years of pleading and haranguing, God has finally provided lightway with a writer’s review for his most critically acclaimed work: the Bible. here’s a couple of quotes to whet your appetite.

question: “tell us something about yourself.”

i have been around foreve and a day. I love talking and listening to people. i will one day
come back and jusge the earth.

question: “how will your readers benefit from this work?”

i hope people will come to faith and start believing in me and that do i desire a relationship with them. i also hope for those who have made a comitment will be strengthened and will go and in my name and share this awesom news with the whole word.

question: “any additional thoughts?”

its a good read, my best bit is when i made the whole world in seven days.

3:18 p.m. - this morning, as kellie and i scurried to get out of the door, i could not find my keys. within three seconds, which is about how long it takes me to search each of my four pockets, i slid into a full out e.o.e.-fit. i rampaged through the house, slamming doors and cursing up a storm, while kellie willfully disengaged herself from my stupidity. losing my keys is one of the rather minute things that can put me on the precipice of the apocalypse. what apocalyptic minutiae do you struggle with? do tell.

4:29 p.m. - salsa shark. call me juvenile, but i still love kevin smith. i'm planning on seeing the passion of the clerks opening weekend. i hope that kevin, my hebrew study buddy, will join me.

a pilgrim christmas

on christmas morning kellie and i had the opportunity to worship with our friends at pilgrim church in beverly. if you haven't attended pilgrim church, it's almost impossible to describe. the congregation is the most diverse assortment of about 50 pentecostals, presbyterians, world magazine subscribers, christian century writers, fundamentalists, yuppies, hippies, haitians and welfare recipients that you would ever want to meet.

after we sang an off-key classic carol, but before we sang a hastily improvised negro spiritual, we sang an upbeat contemporary worship song that included the line, "lord, let your spirit fill this place." as we sang the line, i was overwhelmed by the avatars of the Spirit that stumbled in for Christmas worship. there was a wild-eyed woman from gloucester crossing who would later - in the quirky congregational response time that is quintessentially "pilgrim" - extol the sermonic abilities of robert schuller, a prayer ministry leader who earlier in the year pissed me off to no end by pinning the tragedies of katrina on "the homosexual convention organizers," and a former witch who, along with her husband, provides accompaniment and tries to provide healing for those who have suffered all forms of religious abuse.

it was at this moment, when i realized that absolutely no-one in this former butcher shop cum church building fit within any sane reckoning of the status quo, that i finally felt in tune with the spirit of Christmas. in his first moments on earth, god chose to incarnate his beauty, goodness and truth to an unlikely contingent of scummy shepherds and persian astrologers. fortunately, as i saw on christmas morning, god still chooses to associate with and run amok among the most unlikely collections of bedraggled and bemused sinners and saints. i was honored to worship christ's incarnation with pilgrim church and am looking forward to continuing to partner with them as we incarnate and await the consummation of christ's kingdom.

at this point i had planned to preach about how we should set aside our insular, consumer-driven "celebrations" of christmas so that we can dedicate the day to incarnating god's beauty, goodness and truth among the people christ would prefer to associate with. but i best get back to work. the christian consumers of the world need me.

always ecclesiology

a few months ago i was chatting with a good friend who works at a mega-church (and constantly fails to return my calls, the e.o.e.er). toward the end of our conversation he openly questioned whether he could pursue the missio dei in his current environment. in his question i heard frustration with consumer christianity, which i most certainly share. however, somewhere below his frustration i might have also heard a misunderstanding of what "being missional" is all about (or at least, what i think it's about).

i think "being missional" means that we consistently practice Christ's compassion and hope in whatever place we happen to find ourselves. thus - and i intend no offense to my friend here...i love and respect him more than words can express - the question is never "can i be missional in this place," but rather "how/why/to what degree/etc. am i practicing Christ's compassion and hope in this particular place."

my hunch is that getting this question right is quite important, for if we emergers are only able or willing to practice Christ's compassion and hope in contexts that we choose (read: home churches, neo-monastic communities, and other non-institutional groups - basically anywhere but the traditional congregational structures and the much bemoaned 'burbs where most americans live), our lives and ministries will impede the Kingdom of God we love, labor and long for most dearly.

if memory serves, when miah first introduced me to the concept of home churches and so provoked me to take the first step down this path, i told him that the home church concept was nothing but a lark, since congregational structures had been normative in america since the advent of our nation and they would likely maintain their pride of place until this sovereign union is nothing but a footnote of history. although my summary dismissal of home churches was foolish, i think that there is still a grain of truth in my assumption. i do not think that home churches or any of the other innovative forms of christian practice and ministry will ever surpass the importance of congregational churches in the american context. for this reason, i think we should both prepare ourselves to take our innovative, missional practice of the faith into congregational structures and focus a good deal of our energy on supporting and serving those who are laboring to practice the compassion and hope of christ in this particular context.

okay, so i'll ask...

when did lost jump the shark?

God help us all

a number of my friends (including this guy that i shared a hall with and deeply respected during college, another guy that i was often an e.o.e.hole to and at least one more soybeaner i did not know during my stay) have been working though and writing about issues of vocation lately. i've thought a lot about this issue as well as the related issue of occupation throughout my six years of seminary and my understanding has evolved quite radically throughout this period. at this point i am tempted to bore you with the details, but instead i'll quickly stomp that satan underneath my feet (ugh!) and provide you with a quick synopsis.

here's the long and short of it: my understanding of vocation was once intricately tied to my understanding of profession, but now i tend to think of vocation as a practice.

concerning my former understanding: during my college years i fanatically studied the scriptures, theology and preaching in hopes that i would not be a good, but a great preacher. my ambitions resulted in a number of academic awards, a summa cum laude stamp on my diploma and an almost complete disregard for the interests and even the existence of my fellow students. in addition, during the first three years of my seminary education, i spent at least thirty hours a week working with people whom i often disregarded because they were merely associated with the means (i.e., money) that was enabling me to achieve my end (i.e., my pastoral union card and entree into my profession). thus, my close association of vocation with profession often resulted in me falling far short of being the extension of Christ's compassion and incarnation his goodness, beauty and truth that He has called me to be. thus, in a very real sense, my profession was keeping me from living out my vocation. as a result, the quality of my life and perhaps the lives of a few others was much poorer than it should have been.

concerning my current understanding: over the past year and a half, thanks in large part to the wisdom and love of the pixie, i have grown to see that my vocation is something i need to constantly practice, whether or not i ever have a legitimate profession. God has called me to be compassion and incarnation to the people i live, work and worship with. i have an opportunity to live out my vocation every time i enter the break room at lightway, sip a cup of e.o.e.tty coffee at michelle's diner or encounter with a friend or foe. if i fail to practice my vocation in those and any number of similarly mundane moments, then i will never be able to live out my vocation in the midst of my profession...assuming that i ever find one or settle for the one that finds me.

friends, our vocations should be practiced in every context and encounter of our lives. if we are focusing our understanding of vocation on a certain profession, geographical place or other distant object, then we might eventually find ourselves unable to respond to the call God placed upon our lives.

i acknowledge that my thoughts in this area are in process and as of yet underdeveloped. yet i would still like to share them. if you want a more nuanced narrative that focuses on this topic, read uncle freddy's now and then.

seeking sacred space

okay, i don't have the time to provide this idea with the development it deserves due to lightway's commodify christmas campaign, but i still need to get it down on (virtual) paper.

for the first century Jew, sacred space was an absolute concept. they worshipped in the holy city of jerusalem and, as the covenant people of God, had varying levels of access to the temple. regarding the latter levels, Jewish women were allowed in the court of women, Jewish men were allowed in the court of the Israelites, the common priests were stationed on the periphery of the "holy place" and if they were lucky, like zechariah in luke 1, they were chosen to light incense within these confines at least once during their lives. finally, the high priest was able to enter into the "most holy place," where the ark of the covenant was kept, one time a year. in that space he offered payment for the people's sins and came as close as anyone could to encountering God. the temple itself, and the "most holy place" in particular, was the religious and perhaps even psychological focus of the first century Jew.

then jesus came along. through his ministry as well as his death he relativized the concept of sacred space. he hinted to such relativization during his conversation with the woman at the well, when he suggested that ultimately neither the samaritan temple in gerazim or or the temple mount in jerusalem would matter all that much since his followers would worship "in spirit and in truth" (jn. 4:24). furthermore, jesus shows a studied disregard for his contemporaries sacrosanct view of the temple by clearing out the check cashers and trinket peddlers on at least one, if not two, occasions (jn. records a "cleansing" early in jesus' ministry (2:13-25), while matthew (21:12-13) and the other synoptics record it as occurring late in jesus' ministry). moreover, jesus spoke quite clearly about the ultimate destruction of the temple - see esp. mk. 13 and mt. 24 - which would be catastrophic to the spatially oriented worship of the Jews. and finally, after jesus' death matthew tells us that the thick, heavy curtain that kept the "most holy space" of the temple hidden from mortal sight was ripped in two. this rending symbolized the end of formal separation between god and his covenant people.

so what is the upshot of all this? many things, i'm sure, but let's just focus on one. through the ministry and death of jesus the idea that god is geographically separate from his creation and, consequently, that his people are separated from one another due to some form of hierarchical holiness, was abolished. thus, i believe that jesus led us into a place where "sacred space" is a relational, rather than geographic, reality.

i am hesitant to think this way, because most of the eeevangelical babble about a "relationship with god" often seems superficial, if not a little irreverent. yet, i think that it is important for those of us who follow jesus - or even those of us who do not know what to make of jesus but would like to keep in step with his life of mercy and compassion - to realize the sacredness of our relationships. this shift from a geographic to a relational understanding of holiness has many implications that i'm ignorant of and a few of which i(think) i am aware of. here are a few of the latter.

-offering hospitality to one another and extending an empathetic ear is a legitimate spiritual discipline or practice. abram and sarai kept in step with the former practice and so, unexpectedly, stumbled into a direct encounter with the divine. we need to constantly keep our ears and hearts open in our encounter with others, for in those instances we might stumble into holiness and receive a deeper revelation of god's goodness, beauty and truth.

-our religious buildings can be useful, occasionally beautiful and sometimes even necessary, but they are not essential to the spiritual life. rather than, or perhaps in addition to, inviting people into our religious clubhouses, we need to work hard to carve out physical, psychological and emotional space within our communities and selves where others will feel welcome, wanted and free.

-in our personal - but never individual - lives, we need to incline ourselves towards and lean into God's presence. in a media saturated age, one of the most important spiritual practices is leaving the i-pod on the nightstand, turning the radio off on our ride home and occasionally throwing a blanket over the television or hiding it in its cabinet. rest assured that there is solitude that lies on the other side of loneliness. we need to walk through the windswept silences of the latter so that we can enter into the holy heart of the former. to paraphrase uncle freddy, we need to listen even to the most mundane moments and ordinary experiences of our lives, for it is often in those moments that we realize that "all moments are key moments, and life itself is grace."

-concerning narnia, we need to make sure that there are asses in those seats. this is a once in a lifetime evangelistic opportunity people! after going to such great lengths to support mel gibson it would be foolish for us to (e.o.e.-over) c.s. lewis!

-your thoughts and reflections are welcome.

memorandum from captain random

so, after many recommendations and the sports guy's shining endorsement, i finally bought a sex, drugs and cocoa puffs by chuck klosterman. at this point all i can say is holy [insert extremely offensive expletive, or e.o.e., here] this is good. klosterman is to gentry as cocaine was to the 86 mets. i'm currently on the phones here at lightway so i can't offer you anything like a complete review or synopsis at this point. however, i would like to offer you a few representative quotes.

"in and of itself, nothing really matters. what matters is that nothing is ever 'in and of itself.'" (intro)

concerning a lover left him alone at the waldorf-astoria in order to see a certain band in portland: "it does not matter that coldplay is absolutely the [e.o.e.est e.o.e.ing] band i've ever heard in my entire [e.o.e.ing] life, or that they sound like a mediocre photocopy of travis (who sound like a mediocre copy of radiohead), or that their greatest fucking artistic achievement is a video where their blandly attractive frontman walks on a beach on clouding [e.o.e.ing] afternoon. none of that matters. what matters is that coldplay manufactures fake love as frenetically as the ford [e.o.e.ing] motor company manufactures mustangs, and that's all this woman heard." (pg. 3)

concerning the sims: "i am not a benevolent god. i am watching myself writhe in a puddle of my own urine and i offer no response." (pg. 12)

"everybody is wrong about every everything, just about all the time." (pg. 14)

"what the sims suggests is that is that buying things makes people happy because it takes their minds off being alive. i would think that would actually actually make them feel worse, but every woman i've ever dated seems to disagree." (pg. 19)

"being interesting has been replaced by being identifiable." (pg. 40).

in case you didn't notice...narnia was trampled by king kong and dropped to #2 in the weekend box office ratings. it appears that some of you haven't been taking advantage of this once-in-a-lifetime evangelistic opportunity. that just sickens me.

happy holidays!

last night i received a festivus card from one of my precious afterschool kids. it reads (exactly) as follows:

front: merry chrismas jeff
inside: i now know you are pain in a but but you are nice.

it was, without a doubt, the most meaningful card i've received this season.

more ecclesiological musing

back when rick served as our resident bodhisattva, he often said things like "our worship gatherings are inconsequential to who we really are" and "our gatherings do not define our identity." since he also said things like "the boston red sox will never win the world series until the city forgives buckner" and "pedro martinez is the sexiest dominican i have ever seen," i never really took him that seriously.

what did he mean by suggesting that our worship gatherings were not the beating heart of our community? in our estranged, yet closely related theological backgrounds, a church leader's function was so heavily emphasized that we often referred to them not by a sanctimonious title, but in reference to what they did. thus, we tended to refer to the guy who got paid the most, "the preacher," the lady who spent a torturous hour with us on sunday mornings "teacher," and the guitar player with repressed sexual desires "worship leader or worship guy." on a practical level, if the worship gatherings weren't at the center of what we were doing, why the hell did rick and i waste years of our lives in seminary parsing greek verbs and crafting smooth sermonic transitions?

so i never really allowed rick's idea to germinate within the acidic soil of my mind. instead, i spent the majority of my time preparing for home church teachings (sometimes spending as much as ten hours, usually clocking around 7), crafting discussing questions (since we're such a progressional church!) and worrying about the quality of the hour and a half of time s & s spent together on thursday nights, while all the really important developments, such as deepening our relationships, connecting with individuals who would later follow Christ (hey al!), admonishing one another of sin (yup, we still believe in that), challenging one another to holiness (uh-huh, that too) and finding ways to incarnate the compassion of Christ and effectively proclaim the hope and truth of the gospel took place at the salem beer works (bring back the imperial stout, you e.o.e.rs!), michelle's diner, at packing parties and in the beds of u-hauls and, lately, around the bio-diesel processor. john lenin famously said that "life is what happens while you're making other plans." i think the same can be said about spiritual formation, equipping, discipling or whatever other forms of christian shorthand you want to use to talk about growing up towards our head who is Christ.

in the end, i'll probably never stop thinking about our worship gatherings. i'll continue to fret about whether i've prepared enough for a teaching, wish i would have constructed a baptism liturgy a little more creatively and spoken a little more clearly about the mystery we elevate and ingest on regular occasion. however, i'm going to try my best not to let our worship gatherings completely determine or, God help us, be a detriment to the spiritual maturity God intends for us. i am beginning to suspect that a shoe is as apt a metaphor for services as it is for buildings.

i was just kidding about rick's pedro infatuation. he's always been more of a 'tek kinda guy: ) i would also like to note that the following quote reminded me of rick's teaching and led to this occasionally libelous reflection.

"Jesus was not a church planter. He created communities that embodied the Torah, that reflected the kingdom of God in their entire way of life. He asked his followers to do the same. Emerging churches seek first the kingdom. They do not seek to start churches per se but to foster communities that embody the kingdom. Whether a community explicitly becomes a church is not the immediate goal. The priority is that the Kingdom is expressed. Inherent to kingdom activities is that the community will reflect the local context, and therefore forms vary greatly." emerging churches, gibbs and bolger, pg. 61.

in the words of the right reverend smith: "happy kwanza muthae.o.e.ahs!"

i don't want to beat this topic into the ground (kiss my arse american family association. don't go picking on my sears and yuppie wal-mart!), but my the reverend paul board, my adopted brother-in-law would like to share a few good words about the holday v. christmas debate.

occasionally, even I get tired of satire

from my perspective, the emerging church is, in large part, a missional reorientation of the church. i believe this emphasis is readily evident in our language as we speak of ourselves as people who do not merely have a mission, but are a mission to the world. moreover, our missional bent is evident in the emphasis we place on contextualization (people started using coffee and candles as well as liturgical elements in worship for a reason) as well as the manner in which our ecclesiology has been influenced by churches in other cultures. in regards to the latter, the current emphasis on home churches has been deeply influenced by the preponderance of "ecclesiolae in ecclesia" or small worship "groups of twelve" in latin america as well as the strength of home and relational church models in south east asia. in addition, the non-institutional tendencies of christians that are developing in the hindu and muslim world are now quite evident among us as well on a popular level (in the last year, how many people have you known that have want to eschew the name of Christian or disassociate themselves from the local church, while still retaining a deep - and perhaps even radical - commitment to a life of discipleship? i've known quite a few. in sum, as the emerging church we see ourselves as an ongoing mission to the world and this self-understanding has deeply influenced our theology, ecclesiological structures and engagement with the people of the world.

if we assume this missional orientation is true, we have to ask ourselves why many emerging churches (yes, i'm including s & s here) are not "growing" very rapidly or are not as effective at "making more and better disciples" as we would like. i've turned this question over a time or two in my head and have produced a couple of provisional conclusions. as always, i would really appreciate your thoughts and reflections on this matter as well.

i think many emergent churches and communities are not "growing" very rapidly or making "more and better disciples" as we would like because:

most of our communities opt for a shared leadership structure.

instead of being clearly defined and/or strictly creedal, our theology is constantly evolving.

instead of imposing a statement upon the church or definitively defining values, many churches believe that their agenda is as diverse as the number of people who are in their community. as doug pagitt once put it to me, "every time we add a member to our community our agenda expands. conversely, every time we lose a person our agenda shrinks."

our soteriology (def: concerning salvation) is more progressional than punctiliar. that's a fancy way of saying that we aren't fond of drawing a line in the religious sand and demanding that people cross the line or telling them exactly what they must do to cross from one side to the other. instead, we understand salvation as something which was accomplished in Christ, but is experienced by us as we continue to submit our lives to God and pour ourselves out in service to the world.

our eschatology (def: concerning the end times) tends to emphasize the here and now rather than the sweet by and by. another way of saying that is that our eschatology is more realized than future in its orientation. i suspect that a future eschatology, especially when partnered with punctiliar soteriology, tends to produce a kind of "salvific angst" in those inside and outside the church. those who are inside are tortured by thoughts of their friends and family going to hell and guilting them with the ole heaven's gates and hell's flames credo ("why didn't you tell me???), while those outside feel the need to hedge their eternal bets. please note, although i am speaking with my tongue planted in my cheek in regards to the latter understanding, i respect those who hold it and even believe that they may be right.

so that's what i'm thinking. i honestly believe that if sinners and saints appointed one primary leader (a "first" among equals who negates the very concept by calling almost all of the shots), clearly defined our theology, and embraced a soteriology and eschatology that manufactured a little religious angst, we would grow more quickly and make more - though perhaps not better - disciples. however, i have serious doubts whether that would provide the best way forward for our community. i believe that what we are doing is good, beautiful and true. moreover, although s & s may very well seem irrelevant to the world, and to our brothers and sisters who embrace a very different ecclesiology, i think that our little experimental church is quite relevant to both the mission of God and the invaluable lives of those in our community.

her pleasure, my pain

the moment we pulled into the parking lot, i saw the cruel, impassive profile of the armenian hygienist as she silently wound her way into the office. “darn,” i said to james. $5 says i’m destined for her chair.

of course i was right.

after glaring at me with predatory eyes and offering only the most cursory greetings, she went to work. if her barbarous hook could find metal - in my cavernous mouth that is not a spectacular feat - it did. when she found an exposed nerve, she vigorously probed. as her high pitched water instrument eagerly expressed her pleasure and my pain she thrust her milky white suction tube down my throat, much farther than in needed to go.

i reflexively gagged she finally relented, instructing me that it was time to rinse. i quickly sat up only to discover that in the midst of my subjugation i was most utterly exposed. zippers have long been my bane.

as i quickly tried to recover i stole a glance at my oppressor. her impassive eyes reflected neither embarrassment nor delight.

that is one hard-arsed hygienist.

A Guest Editorial by Dave Chappelle

According to Dave Itzkoff of The New York Times, Dave Chappelle is branching out from his standard R. Kelly impersonations and Clayton Bixby skits by providing perceptive political commentary. The quotations below, both of which this editor wholeheartedly endorses, are quoted directly from Mr. Itzkoff’s article, which is entitled Dave Chappelle is Alive and Well (and Playing Los Vegas).

“Mr. Chappelle…already has his eye on a potential presidential match-up between Hillary Clinton and Condoleeza Rice…‘You know who’s going to win? Ralph Nader by a landslide.’”

“By far, Mr. Chappelle’s most illuminating observation of the night occurred as he was discussing the rap star Kanye West’s nationally broadcast remarks that President Bush does not care about African Americans. ‘I don’t know if you agree with him or not, but give it up for him,’ Mr. Chappelle said. ‘I’ve got a lot of respect for him. And,’ he added, ‘I’m going to miss him.’ Then, almost as an aside, he continued, ‘I’m not risking my entire career to tell white people obvious things.”

on doorknobs, academic deans and asherah poles

during my sojourn at soybean bible college, tom tanner, the academic dean, had a battered do-not-disturb type of doorhanger on his office door that read "praying for interruptions." when i first saw that sign i thought it was nothing but pious tripe. however, as the years went by, and i got to know tom as more of a mentor than an administrator, i realized how clearly that sign reflected his character. tom didn't decide to be an academic dean because he wanted prestige or was in love with the work. rather, he chose to be dean because he believed that the job would provide him with opportunities to interact with and empower other members of Christ's body.

i really want to be more like tom. i'd love to tell you that i spend my early morning hour praying for interruptions and throughout the day i long for people to stop by my cube, connect with me via cell phone or force me out of one of my little safe spaces by stopping by the house. unfortunately, nothing could be further from the truth.

instead of praying for interruptions, i spend my time carving, staining and zealously protecting the asherah pole of my "space." i love my space and i know that it has a place in my life. however, i also fear that the way i idolize space is keeping me from experiencing the fullness of the Kingdom in my interaction with family, friends and foes.

so tonight i am praying for interruptions. may the Spirit give me the strength to strike down my asherah pole, so that i can dwell more fully in the sacred space that is God's Kingdom and interact more willingly and lovingly with those i encounter along the way.

i'd also like to thank tom for his irreplaceable friendship as well as his many years of service to soybean bible college and seminary.

on the now and not yet

there have been a few sequestered times when spiritual scales have fallen from my eyes, but most of the time my eyes are opened and my heart is fissured in the midst of the mundane. that's how it happened yesterday, anyway.

as kellie and i were walking through the local dirt mall, scurrying from target to marshalls, to pier one (i may or may not have been a little testy by that point) and back to marshalls (neither of us majored in logistics), i was overwhelmed by how distraught and profoundly unhappy so many of our fellow shoppers appeared. it wasn't the youth group goths - with their spikes, mascara and macabre hearts upon their sleeves - that cracked me. call me callous, but by this point i'm rather accustomed to their angst. rather, it was the forty-something, middle-aged, lower-middle class married couples that i found troubling. as these couples trudged through the mall, their posture pathetic, their eyes sodden and downcast, i couldn't help but question the cause of their misery. was the demolition derby that was taking place in the oak tree lot simply too much for them or were their issues rooted much deeper? were they locked in the solitary confinement of loneliness, where even the voice of a mother, lover or life-long friend provides no solace? were they taking stock of their lives only to find themselves relationally, intellectually and spiritually bankrupt? or were they simply believe that their is life abundant buried in the midst of routine?

i really don't know...much of anything, actually. but i do have some suspicions. here is one of them: we are mistaken to assume that strangers, acquaintances, enemies and allies are self-sufficient and satisfied with their lives. some of them may have indeed found a temporary key to contentment, meaning, beauty and all of those things that evaporate as quickly as august dew. however the overwhelming majority of our companions are desperate to: hear a rumor of hope, receive a tender touch, whisper in an ear that is not attached to a tongue and perhaps even find a seat at our secluded table.

the Kingdom has indeed come. living water is available for the parched, bread that does not rot is being distributed to beggars, the prostitutes of sunset strip are unexpectedly inheriting vineyards. the Kingdom has indeed come.

i hope to God the Kingdom finds fulfillment in our relationships with the strangers, acquaintances, enemies and allies that shop alongside of us, live on the streets we dare not frequent and sleep in our beds. more and more, that's the type of fulfillment God is teaching me to look and long for.

sidenote

those of you who were involved in the conversation yesterday might find stevensm's - my non-revenue travel buddy - comment illuminating.

musing...

on sunday dr. james and i had the opportunity to help another local church prepare their new meeting space for sunday worship. one of the guys we were working with was a kind, middle-aged missionary who served with campus crusade international for many years and is a highly skilled audio/visual tech.

side note: if you have a construction project that includes skill of any kind, i would not encourage you to include me in your team. i can't read a tape measure, am easily confounded by a crow bar and cannot be trusted with power tools.

anyway, after we had torn down a few dividing walls, shattered a little safety glass and thrown a couple of aged metal shelves down two flights of concrete stairs, james and i joined the middle-aged pastor and two other church leaders for lunch. just as we were unwrapping our double-quarter pounders and attempting to determine the real content of our chicken nuggets, james mentioned that he and brooke were going to see U2 later that night. one of the guys in the group responded with an affirming noise and another mentioned that he had wanted to see them live for twenty years.

but that's not what the middle aged missionary said. that's not how he responded at all. instead he altered our conversation with a perplexing interrogative: "do you think bono is saved?"

my immediate response was "how should i know? thankfully God hasn't left such determinations up to me." james responded by mentioning the beautiful way that bono advocates for the poor and invests a good deal of his own money in AIDS initiatives and other programs in africa.

the man ignored my response and responded to james by saying, "but there are a lot of unsaved people who do fantastic work for the poor." at that point the conversation ground into a glottal stop and i, for one, was glad to move on because any further response i offered would have been less than gracious.

in the hours and days that have followed that conversation, i have spent an inordinate amount of time pondering the middle-aged missionary's interrogative. although i once would have used such questions as a relational diagnostic, i now shudder to hear them tumble from people's lips. here are a few of the subconscious questions i (may) have heard lurking in and around the man's question.

"is bono one of us or is he an outsider?"

"sure bono's work is commendable, but is his theology acceptable?"

"how can we be sure that bono safe?"

"if bono is a christian, why doesn't he proclaim the gospel?"

"in the midst of his compassion, does bono risk telling people the truth?"

"we always need to doubt celebrities who claim to be christians...except mel gibson. he's the one who will be seated on God's left hand in heaven."

okay, so maybe the latter part of the last question never fired through the middle-aged missionary's synapses. hell, maybe none of them did. however, when someone asks a question like that, these are some of the assumptions that seem underlie their question.

i'm curious. how would you have responded to the man's question? feel free to provide a thoughtful and respectful (let's not slip into our own subtle form of condemnation here - the man is worthy of our respect) response by commenting below.

description of the day

Hermie and Friends Series #6: Stanley the Stinkbug, on DVD
by Max Lucado
Your Lightway Price: $9.99!

Stanley the Stinkbug has only one problem: body odor!
When God explains to the Garden Gang that Stanley
only smells because he is afraid other insects won’t like
him, the Gang learns to love him just the way he is. Your
3 to 8 year olds will love learning how to accept others
and you will enjoy the witty characters that are brought
to life by Tim Conway, Don Knotts and special guest star
Judge Reinhold.

overheard

jack cash: "how you gonna help people if you can't tell 'em the right story?"

record exec: "your fans are gospel folk, johnny. they're christians, and they don't wanna hear you singing to a bunch of murderers and rapists, tryin' to cheer 'em up."
cash: "then they ain't christians."

"people can really be healed. they are even some of 'em you can trust.but first you gotta take a risk, and tell 'em where it hurts." ~uncle bill, i'll never be normal (after this)

"don't lose me now
don't lose me now
though i know i'm not useful anyhow...
just let me stick around." ~okkervil river, black

albus dumbledore: "dark and difficult times lie ahead, harry. now is the time that we must choose between what is right, and what is easy."

and isn't it ironic?

an amish woman just placed a telephone order: for CDs.

the amish community in inola, oklahoma - where my family has been
known to eat - sneaks out the radio and the pick-up trucks when they think the customers aren't looking.

the amish communities of lancaster county have separated themselves from "the world" in order to satiate the world's consumer needs and send them back to philadelphia and surrounding environs with bloated bellies.

it appears that our anabaptist bretheren and sistern have finally rent the "boundary" between the sacred and the secular. i think it is time for their fundie and evangelical friends to follow in their hand-cobbled footsteps instead of romanticizing their supposed lifestyle.

for fun images of amish boys doing crystal meth and amish girls busting out the clevage, check out the devil's playground.

memorandum from captain random:

on monday afternoon thomas, one of my after school kids, said that he needed a copy of the boston globe for a school assignment. when i inquired about the nature of the assignment thomas said, "i need to cut out the right wing and the left wing." i found this statement more than a bit confusing, so i asked him to clarify. "the left and right wing of what?" i asked. "are you referring to advertisements or something?" "no," thomas tersely replied, "i am talking about right wing and left wing perspectives." "okay," i said, "what can you tell me about the right wing." "they hate change," thomas quickly replied. "alright," i continued, "what current political group embraces right wing policies?" "i dunno," thomas said thoughtfully, "the fascists?"

while sitting on a lifeway crapper yesterday, i read a couple of the brief biographies of emergent leaders that is included in gibbs and bolger's emerging churches. reflecting upon his early attempts to plant churches in san francisco, mark scandrette offers that "my retrospective assessment is that it is hard to create something healthy and sustainable during a personally deconstructive phase" (appendix a, pg. 305). i found this statement quite prescient. i think that a number of us who are involved in the emergent conversation would do well to spend some time reflecting upon this statement and asking the Spirit of God to lead us from a place of thoroughgoing deconstruction to a place of missional creativity.

i picked up a copy of lyle lovett’s Joshua, judges and ruth out of the bargain bin at vagabond records and have been thoroughly impressed with the album. I am constantly amazed by (a) the quality of contemporary Americana music, (b) the overwhelming riches of classic country – thinking of the carters, cash and even a little george jones here, and (c) the fact that most people back home and in the backwoods new england states leave these riches undisturbed in order to listen to hacks like kenny chesney, cowboy troy and rascal flatts.

i may or may not know someone who just named their firstborn son "ranger denny." for a long time i have thought that the creative name game was a little cracked, but now i've been converted! what wonderful combination of a civil service profession and common american name are you going to bestow upon your firstborn? kellie and i have settled on "crossing-guard carol" if we have a girl and "lifeguard lenny" if we have a boy.

in emerging churches karen ward of the church of the apostles in seattle likens the emerging church to "'a road of destination' where Christ followers, formerly of divergent pasts, are meeting up in the missional present and moving together toward God's future." isn't that a fantastic definition?

photographic evidence

going home is always a bit of a blessing and a curse. it is a blessing to eat my mom's fried cornbread, rest my head on my grandfather's shoulder and needle my baby cousin. however, it is a bit of a curse to be constantly confronted with what a confounded, arrogant, presumptuous little e.o.e.er i once was.

regarding the latter, a case in point. on friday kellie and i had the opportunity to dig through tons of family photographs at my grandmother's house. i was surprised to find pictures of my grandfather flying his L-9, depression era snapshots of my grandmother and ad hoc family photographs of my father when he was young.

unfortunately, as we continued to work our way through the photographs, deliberately moving from the past to the present, i was rather startled by the photographic evidence of myself. in almost every picture i corrupted there was an easily distinguishable arrogance in my eyes and a clean angle of a nose that rested well above the horizontal. originally i assumed that this particular pose was the result of the rather aggressive form of camera shyness that i have long struggled with. however, as the evidence began to mount, i was forced to conclude that i was indeed a arrogant, presumptuous little e.o.e.er.

the boy in those photos thinks he has the world's number and is destined for a life of nobility. little did he know that he was embarking upon a life that would be riddled with humiliation, confusion and a constant call to sacrifice and slave on behalf of a suffering servant.

i would like to think that if the boy i once was knew what i now know hospitality instead of hostility would have issued forth from his eyes and his stoic, staid nose would have been lowered and perhaps krinkled with a loving grin. but of course, there's nothing i can do about the past.

however, by God's grace, i can do something about the present...so from now on i'm setting out on a photographic expedition in hopes that i will find a man whose eyes are open with hospitality, grin betrays good humor and arms are a symbol of a perpetual embrace.

musing...

death is our constant. occasionally it confronts us in its chilly, final form, but more often is surprises us with its subtlety. a friendship, once treasured, unravels due to nothing so much as a lack of use. a family tradition, worn and comfortable, wears out as the atomic weight of extended family breaks us down into nuclear units. a dream once enshrined in our hearts and our heads vanishes due to a lack of industry or, perhaps even more confounding, an excess of ambition. perhaps the reason we fear corporeal death is the final act averts our attention from the innumerable fucked up scenes that comprise our ordinary lives.

we are people of the resurrection because we could not continue otherwise. as saint paul reminds us, if there is no opportunity beyond unemployment, love beyond abandonment, and life beyond our concrete crypts, we are people to be pitied.

so let us keep our eyes and hearts peeled for the resurrections that issue forth from our ordinary lives. if we have no expectation of or inclination towards these ordinary resurrections we might find it difficult to experience and, perhaps, participate in the resurrection par excellance.

thanksgiving highlights and lowlights

kellie and i are currently stationed in the town called yellow and we are about halfway through our thanksgiving trip. so, i thought it would be nice to post some of the highlights and lowlights of the trip thus far.

j's highlight: starting off our trip with a magical bang by seeing the goblet of fire at the imax in redding. although i had a few minor quibbles with the film (i.e., the transitions were awful and cho should have been a little more sultry), i thought they nailed the graveyard scene (ralph or raef or raif - whatever the hell his name is was excellent) and generally honored the tone and plot of the book.

j's lowlight: realizing that book 7 will not be released for more than a year.

j's highlight: on sunday morning i had the opportunity to preach at my home congregation. there is nothing quite like preaching in front of a group of people who know everything about your misdemeanors and mania. if experiences like that don't strike the fear of God in a person i do not know what will. anyway, the sermon went remarkably well and was even met at a one point with applause...which was surprising since i was basically calling myself and the congregation to repentance. i am incredibly thankful for the experience. perhaps i should write sermons in airports more often.

j's highlight: sharing a cup of coffee, life and ministry experiences, a late lunch and a few hopes and dreams with agent b. i am constantly amazed by the quality of people that God has called into this ministry of subversion. agent b it was an honor to make your acquaintance.

k's lowlight: food shopping with my mother-in-law. we made our way to the check-out and were greeted by the cashier. "how ya'll doin' today?" "i'm doing great," juli responded, "my kids are here from boston and I'm so excited." eager to make conversation the cashier prompted, "boston, new york?" juli looked at her blankly "huh?" And then the cashier repeated it, "boston, new york." "no" juli corrected, "massachusetts. boston, massachusetts." juli later said that it is no wonder that woman is employed checking groceries. i quite agree. and while i dearly love my mother-in-law, shopping in the south-west is quickly becoming a quarantined low-light experience.

j and k's highlight: taking a fantastic ride in a 1940 Consolidated B-24a Liberator. my dad is the crew chief on this beautifully maintained, oldest continually flying airplane in the western hemisphere, but neither kellie or i had ever had the opportunity to ride in it. i was able to stand in the cockpit during takeoff - for a big bird, "diamond lil" almost leaps into the air - and kellie sat in the cockpit during landing. the hum of the radial engines, the panoramic view of tulsa, standing in the cockpit with my father, rushing from nose to tail to peek out of every window...that is one experience neither of us will soon forget. thanks dad! now we would like to request a ride in the B-29.

j's highlight: gorging on southern food, including: cj's famous fried chicken, fried okra, brown beans and fried cornbread, hickory smoked steaks and sausages and, tonight, authentic mexican food.

j's lowlight: the twisting, steaming stool samples that such foods have produced.

j’s lowlight: paying $2.85 for a gallon of 86 octane in happy – “the town without a frown” – texas. that little town of 681 souls and, especially, the happy folk at the main street texaco can shove those smiles straight up their arses!

j’s highlight: sitting beside a man in the airport who specified, in minute detail, the wonders of the devil’s rope museum in maclean, texas.

off to indian territory and this turkey's state for thanksgiving



i'll try to update periodically.

expectations are funny things

i ran into an old friend a couple of weeks ago. she is a children's minister at a church which has been embroiled in conflict and, for a while, seemed on the verge of division. after we embraced and exchanged the small pleasantries that serve as foreplay for conversation, she looked me straight in the eyes and said, "so how's dying treating you?" how's that for an unexpected climax? i didn't immediately understand her question, but a moment of reflection helped me make the connection.

my friend was equating ministry - this kenotic life of compassion and proclamation - with dying. i think her connection is a good one. perhaps even essential.

those of us who follow Christ have been called to pursue death in hopes that we might be surprised by life. we've been told to empty ourselves completely, so that we might eventually be filled. we've been called to shelve our ambition in order to wade knee deep into our own, and other people's, e.o.e. sometimes we Christ-followers fool ourselves by expecting happiness, a sense of meaning or at least a bit of contentment upon this journey. but none of those are promised. death, on the other hand, is.

so let's fix our expectations on and continue to pursue death in hope that we might eventually, and unexpectedly, be caught up in and written into the eternal song of life.

identifying as well as inciting missional churches

on saturday morning, while i was staffing a small fly-in at riverside airport in tulsa and helping prepare for the commemorative air force's (or CAF's) big hangar dance that night, i met an elderly man named jim. jim is a distinguished military veteran, an evangelistic proponent of a piece of evangelical drivel that is known as The Tulsa Beacon and a passionate composer and performer of both Christian and "secular" music (he designates the latter as secular because they focus on human love. a lot of them, i suspect, feature an accordion). but none of jim's hobbies or his steady handed support of the CAF interests me as much as his commitment to Christian mission.

the moment jim heard that i was some sort of pastor, he told me that in the past two years he has been a part of two different church plants. the first one was a fairly traditional, $300,000 down, more on the back-end and meets in a school gymnasium type of plant. however, the second is a small, mission oriented church that meets in a hangar out at riverside airport. when i asked jim why the second church, which he has recently made his official church home, meets at the airport he simply shrugged and said something like "that's where the people are." although i doubt john would put it this way, he is committed to taking the church to communities instead of asking the community to come to the church. i think that willingness to incarnate the church in different contexts and enculturate the body of Christ in the midst of particular sub-cultures is an essential part of being a missional Christian.

i think there are a number of Christians like jim, even in the gleamin' brass buckle of the Bible belt, who are as missional as emergent folk, but don't use our language. i think it is as important for us to identify these missional initiatives and perhaps even partner with them as it is for us to incite missional communities and initiatives of our own. to paraphrase rick warren (and so risk excommunication from the emergent elite:), if God is raising up a missional wave around the world, we best ride it.

other highlights and lowlights from the weekend:

highlight: seeing my pops in his element. my dad is a master organizer, shameless ham and effective leader. never was this more apparent than this weekend. way to go dad!

lowlight: waiting for 12 minutes (that's right 12!) to purchase a pair of tennis shoes at the local kohls. guess how many people were ahead of me in line? 2! in the midst of the weekend someone said that the food service at the oklahoma-italiano bistro we were eating at was a bit slow. if i was an uncharitable man, i'd say that everything in oklahoma runs a bit slow. but i'm not an uncharitable kind of guy.

highlight: hearing my baby cousin, lindsay, croon big band standards before a full dance floor and a hangar full of at least 1,100 people. i would piss my pants if i had to do that.

lowlight: being lured into political conversations (the magic word today, kids is: massachusetts!) with individuals who learned their reason and logic from rush limbaugh. if i was uncharitable i'd say that the majority of political wags in oklahoma don't know their appendixes from their arseholes. but i'm not uncharitable, so i'll just say that i wish that all of us, right and left, would learn to respect the political opinions of others and discuss our differences in a reasonable way.

highlight: carpenter winning the cy young (even without my staunch, principled advocacy). he was the first redbird since gibson in '68 to bring that award back into the nest. now that pujols has been awarded the mvp we have our first consecutive cy young/mvp season since '68. i may or may not have a clipping from the post-dispatch hanging up in my cubicle right now. moreover, i may or may not want becky to pick me up a copy of today's pd, so that i can make my post-season award wallpaper complete.

description of the day

The Left Behind movies have raised the bar for end times thrillers. The first two films in this series have featured intriguing plot lines, high-tech special effects and stellar performances from a cast that features Kirk Cameron. Now, we are pleased to announce that the third installment of this series, Left Behind: World at War is available on DVD and video. The Left Behind films will challenge your unbelieving friends and family to make a decision for Christ and encourage you as you eagerly await the Lord’s return. Don’t delay, pick up World at War and additional end times thrillers today!

see what $3,500 additional dollars can compel a man to do? sometimes, i want to shoot myself.

flight 683

patchwork quilt
roads radiate
towns separate
slowly reconcile

whining engine
mouth cotton
vivid dreams
future forgotten

returning home
an illusion
beverly or tulsa
willful collusion

won't be long
don't get comfortable
the coup's a comin'
You're responsible.

more memorandum from captain random:

while riding home for lunch yesterday, n.p.r. talked about the conventions of american "contractors" which often meet at the Hyatt Amman Hotel in Jordan. this report follows on the heels of two years worth of discussions about the number of american "contractors" in iraq, the unfortunately tragic hanging of american "contractors" in iraq, etc. every time we hear reporters talking about american "contractors" we should remember that most of these men and women are former army rangers, navy seals and marines who are serving in highly armed security details and even occasionally interrogating iraqi prisoners. in short, most of the "contractors" are domestic mercenaries. i know this note may sound a bit like quibbling, but i believe that it is important identify a person and explain their function correctly. by referring to them as "contractors" we are insulating ourselves from reality. america has anywhere between 20 - 40,0000 domestic mercenaries working in iraq. my hunch is that these particular "contractors" far outnumber the plumbers, engineers and aluminum siders working to rebuild the country. i'm not looking to pick a fight, i'm just interested in accurate reporting.

i have a confession to make: i have an ATM handicap. i have left my debit card in a local ATM machine not once, not twice, but four times in the past six months. moreover, as much as i would like to blame my fiscal failure on the machine, the truth constrains me from doing so. i have not only lost debit cards to the beverly co-op bank, but have left them at the local bank of america branch as well. i am so ashamed! maybe i should go on oprah.

okay, i have two confessions. since taking the copywriter position here at lightway i've really enjoyed my job. my day has gone crazy, i have more responsibilities than i can manage and i feel like i am constantly working in areas that are outside of my actual skill set...and i am loving it. who knew that i could enjoy life at lightway?

to balance that last note, i would like to encourage those of you who currently hate your jobs. i personally know of two amazingly creative individuals, bill james of bill james' abstract and sabr fame, and harvey pekar, the author of american splendor, who have openly confessed to utilizing the lull periods at their daily occupations, bill worked for van kamp baked beans and pekar for the veteran's administration, as opportunities to write, create, study and explore their vocations. i am not encouraging you should read flaubert, edit your indie films or examine folios of abstract art while you're on the clock, but they certainly are.

okay, i'm off to indian territory. i'll try to provide periodic updates this weekend.

memorandum from captain random:

i am beginning to think that a number of my lightway co-workers do not share my sense of humor. a little bit of evidence that supports my assumption...

two weeks ago, just before our staff meeting, i decided to walk the diz in the rain. thus, when i walked into the conference room, my pants were sopping wet, but my torso was relatively dry due to the water resistant qualities of my long coveted, AA flight line jacket. anyway, when the manager announced that i was the new copywriter and asked if i had anything i would like to say, the following words tumbled out: "i'm so happy i just pissed myself." instead of laughter, i heard a literal "pip" squeak.

moreover, yesterday, about midway through my introduction to the new "sanctified spam" project, i encouraged the editors by telling them they no longer had to create a monotonous, time consuming, text version of the "spam" to stand alongside their html version. a few of them actually broke out into a cheer, that quickly subsided as soon as i told them that i was "just kidding" (e-i-e-i-o!). at that point, i almost had a mutiny on my hands. this morning, while reflecting on the failure of my humor i was tempted to think that i am not funny. but both of us know that's not true. the apparent failure of my humor clearly lies at the feet of the editors.


so i spent some time working with the dirty hippy down at vagabond records last night. about halfway through the tracy chapman disc, which was preceded by a marc cohn cd and a frantic search for a hidden bruce cockburn disc, i realized that i am going to be the most uninspiring music clerk ever. i won't have the musically inspired, manaical energy of barry at championship vinyl or even the artistic, detached, artistic cool of a.j. at the empire. the best i can shoot for is a second rate imitation of randall over at rst video. i've got the mixture of antipathy and anger towards the customers down. but, admittedly, i'd rather talk about the protest lyrics of tracy chapman than the ethics of the empire. so i'm still going to suck. oh well, if i'm not what vagabond is looking for i can always work at the virgin megastore.


i just had my workday rudely interrupted by a publisher's meeting with a certain southern baptist publishing house that we could abbreviate with a B and H but, as per larry cannon's request, i am not going to identify here. anyway, at the end of the long-winded meeting i made a point of shaking hands with donald smith, the sales rep for the aforementioned company, and saying, "i interviewed the C.E.O. of your company last month and i told him what a helpful and attentive sales rep you are." at this, he smiled and thanked me. "no problem," i responded, "i just affirmed that even though you voted for Kerry, the folks at lightway still love ya." once again, no response.

more to come...

my soul? soluble

universe? permeable

sleep still eludes me

overheard

"How tempting it can be - and how distracting from our primary mission - to devote so many efforts to rehabilitating society at large, especially when these efforts demonize the opposition. (After all, neither Jesus nor Paul showed much concern about cleaning up the degenerate Roman Empire.) As history has proven, especially in times when church and state closely mingle, it is possible for the church to gain a nation and in the process lose the kingdom."

~Philip Yancey - musing about the cultural influence of evangelicalism in USAmerica and making me wonder, yet again, how he keeps his job - on "the back page" of the most recent Christianity Today

theological jargon, the South Hamilton Institute of Theology and banal conclusions born of bowel movements

for those of you who haven't noticed, it is now november and i am well into my sixth year at the South Hamilton Institute of Theology.

i am currently taking a class on the life of jesus with dr. colin nichol and, since it is a 500 level class, i often find myself quite bored with it (though i am thankful that this life of Christ class does not require me to utilize my mad coloring skills).

anyway, at some point in every single class dr. nichol is somehow loosed from the fetters of his outline and really starts to preach. this past week he preached on the economic demands of discipleship that are highlighted in the gospel of Luke. that lead to a good bit of discussion that i am too tired to recount here.

the week before that, nichol started preaching about the gospel. in the midst of his sermon he commended evangelicalism for emphasizing the substitutionary atonement (read: efficacious sacrifice, Christ's death for our sins, etc.) of Christ, but he bewailed the fact that we have often ignored Christ's call to obedience. a full orbed understanding of the gospel, nichol argued, must emphasize the grace that is offered upon the cross and the life of obedience that is demanded of those who follow in the way of the cross. to ignore either of these emphases in our preaching and teaching, he suggested, is to leave the church with an anemic gospel.

in the midst of nichol's homiletical moment, i was engaged enough to ask him, "if we (evangelicals) have traditionally overemphasized substitutionary atonement and disregarded Christ's call to obedience, isn't it reasonable to assume that we have misunderstood the gospel?" after a brief pause, dr. nichol answered in the affirmative.

this is the point at which i am supposed to revel in my cleverness and disembody my straw man of evangelical orthodoxy. but i think we'll both be better off if we let this point pass.

what i would like to say is this: if obedience to the demands of Jesus (the god-man who called us to "be perfect as his heavenly father is perfect," embrace a righteousness that "exceeds that of the pharisees and sadducees," and "lose your life so that you can save us") plays a bigger part in my salvation/reconciliation/renewal than i originally thought, then i have some serious work to do.

obedience hasn't traditionally been my cup of tazo, but as i think more often and a bit more deeply about it, i think i'll find a way forward. here's what i'm thinking at present: if salvation/reconciliation is the result of God's grace, and the purpose of such work is to lead me into the eternal quality of life, then obedience is simply living in rhythm with this quality of life instead of unraveling in the despair, monotony and unoriginality of death. if i put it that way, it doesn't sound so bad.

in short, if i'm really going to receive the reconciliation that God has offered and be the reconciler that he intended, then i need to be a more obedient disciple. i'm starting to think that obedience isn't such a bad thing. of course, that thought as well as this untidy, rushed conclusion might be the result of the bowel movement that is about to begin. now, if you'll excuse me...

overheard

there are those who seek knowledge for the sake of knowledge;
that is curiosity.

there are those who seek knowledge to be known by others;
that is vanity.

there are those who seek knowledge in order to serve;
that is love.

-bernard of clairvaux as quoted in frost and hirsch's the shaping of things to come

soybean bible, ecclesiastical zeitgeist and a penchant for salt

during the years that i attended soybean bible, the seeker church was the constant topic of conversation. most of the professors openly questioned the way that seeker churches: accommodated unbelievers, transformed worship services into evangelistic infomercials and drained the vitality of smaller congregations through transfer growth. i can still remember hearing faculty members bristle at the fact that, courtesy of john wasem, they had received the willow creek association (wca) newsletter in their mail boxes.

since i spent the majority of my time at soybean working with river glen christian church, a seeker-sensitive, w.c.a. affiliated church that was effectively evangelizing upper-middle class suburbanites and enabling them to follow Jesus, i took many of my professor's opinions with a grain of salt. most of the time, their critiques of the seeker church did not square with my experience, but i never attempted to mount an apologetic or say much of anything about it. i figured that my role was to use my gifts to honor God and to seek to build up the church, so that's what i spent my time doing.

after i left soybean, i spent a little over two years working with a seeker church in manchester, new hampshire. i enjoyed my time at manchester christian church and was proud to oversee a twenty-something ministry that welcomed and sought to equip everyone from missionary kids to wiccans to young adults who were in the midst of trysts with strippers. sure, there were times that i was terrified to hear three hundred suburbanites jubilantly singing "show us your power, O Lord our God" and other times when my hands trembled as i listened to sermons on topics like the prayer of jabez, but, by and large, my time there was quite fruitful.

after i had spent a few years there, i felt like it was time to either move to manchester and immerse myself in that ministry, since it's hard to bail your small group members out of jail when you live sixty miles away and i didn't want the girl who left laughably demonic messages on my cell phone to be saddled with excessive long distance charges, or become part of a ministry that was incarnating both the good news and the overwhelming compassion of Jesus within my local community. when rick bennett and j & b wilcox invited me to take part in the latter, i decided to move to beverly and invest my life in sinners and saints.

that transition took place over three years ago. since that time our little community has been worshipping God together, studying the Bible in an (mostly) expository manner, regularly volunteering with our local social services organization, welcoming sinners and saints, the drunk and the brain damaged to share life with us, and contributing a significant amount of prayer and payola to God's subversive mission in the world. i don't want to sound like a pollyanna when i say that it has been the most intriguing and fruitful period of my life thus far, but it has been a pretty wonderful experience.

anyway, after spending three years in the a-institutional church that God placed me in, developing friendships and partnerships with a number of people who are participating in the mission of God in innovative ways and walking with those who are seeking to re-imagine the way we talk about God, interpret His words and, individually and communally reflect His beauty, goodness and truth, i admit that i have a lot in common with and am deeply appreciative of the fellowship i share with those who play a part in the conversation and mission that is known as emergent (as a copywriter, i must confess that this is a horribly written, run-on sentence. maybe i'll use it as an example of "what not to do" in my next training seminar). as a result, i have found that i am once again affiliated with the group that currently sits in the cross-hairs of many of the professors and mentors that i deeply respect. many of these men, a number of which questioned the validity of the seeker church, are now wholly invested within those church structures. now that the seeker sensitive methodology has transitioned from an innovation to an acceptable institution, they have apparently chosen to critique and deconstruct emergent.

i find the latter situation rather ironic. it leads me to wonder whether in ten years emergent will become such a part of the evangelical fabric that we'll no longer question its existence or viability. on a more negative note, it makes me wonder whether Christians (please note: i am including emergent folk in this crass generalization) spend our time critiquing, defending and deconstructing church structures and systems because those tasks are a hell of a lot easier than fully pouring ourselves into the mission of compassion and proclamation that God is calling us to.

in the end, that's why i'm taking the pronouncements of my former professors (whom i deeply love, respect and am eager to please) with a grain of salt.

vote for gentry

a number of people asked me to run. for some reason they always did.

as we stood in front of the "gordon-conwell student association" table, friends and foes goaded me to sign up. the optimists reminded me that someone had to lead the body and lead it well, while the pessimists, who outnumbered the optimists 3 to 1, suggested that this would provide me with yet another opportunity to piss off the administration.

in years past i would have ignored such calls as hubris, a temptation to embrace the ambitious road of ascent or simply a sarcastic aside. this year, however, i responded boldly by choosing to run for korean student association president.

three hours later, the phone in my dorm room rang. "jeffsch, this isch schteven schcott, the schtudent assochiation president." i'd love to tell you that the mere sound of his speech impediment made me feel guilty, but it only confirmed that this was going to be a hell of a lot of fun. "jeffsch, i would likesch to thank for for schigning up to run for korean schtudent assochiation president." i affirmed that it was my privilege to run for this fine office and, if elected, i would serve the Korean students well.

"jeffsch, there isch only one problem. the korean schtudent asshociation isch not technically a part of the schtudent assochiation. in fact, it isch its own scheperate group." "really?" i countered. "if that is the case, why were signups included on the student association table in the dining room steven? i've put my heart and my reputation on the line by deciding to run and now you're telling me that i am not eligible? i am not going to kid you schteven (i couldn't help myself), i feel like the student association has failed me."

"well," steven said pensively, "the korean schtudent asshociation isch its own organizaschion. they have their own elecschions which are not overscheen by the Schtudent Assochiation. so that schinup wasch a mischtake. however they are an important partsch of the fabric of our inschtitution." "i know they are an important part steven," i said with traces of true pain in my voice, "that's why i want to be their next president."

"well, if you have friendsch who are a partsch of the k.sch.a. you can aschk them to nominate you and put you on the ballot for their elecschion." i thought for a moment, before responding. "thanks for trying to make the best of a bad situation steven, but i think i'll pass. i already feel like a jap walking the streets of seoul by this point, if you know what i mean."

"isch there anything elsch i can do for you?" steven asked. "isch there another schtudent office you would like to run for?" "well, now that you mention it," i said, "i would like to start campaigning for the presidency of the women's resource network. if you'd throw my name in that hat, i'd highly appreciate it."

if that ain’t the gospel…

"like a trash can fire in a prison cell
like the searchlights in the parking lots of hell
i will walk…down to the end…with you
if you will come all the way down…with me."

~the mountain goats, all the way down

listening to, and learning from, a different creed

dr. james and i were interviewed this morning by a film crew that is developing a documentary on salem. (side note: this crew is also responsible for the discovery channel's firehouse usa. if you've watched the latter show, let me know what you think). the director was intrigued by the confession booth and wanted to know what we thought about the inflammatory preaching and preachers that often foul our fair city during this time, how christians and wiccans co-exist in this supernaturally charged environment and whether we prefer beer that tastes great or beer that is less filling.

anyway, in the midst my artificial interview i began to think about what the church can learn from people who profess to be "spiritual, but not religious." i know that the latter statement is quickly becoming cliché, but i still think that it communicates something important about many people's approach to spirituality. we might even be able to call it their creed.

i've heard a fair number of christians (including myself) speak about this creed negatively, suggesting that people who say this are often superficial, anti-authoritarian individuals who only want their MTV and their salad bar spirituality. conversely, i've heard others speak about it in a more positive way, by discussing how we can create ministries, churches and other spaces in which these individuals can feel welcome (as miah recently noted, many churches have created spaces that have more in common with panera bread than a congregational sanctuary. the feel of these places is not accidental), hear and dialogue with others about the Christian faith and hopefully be catechized, assimilated into the body and sent out to share the gospel (which, in this context, usually means: our sins + jesus blood = salvation/eternal life. the gospel is such a contextual concept. when writing, teaching or talking about the gospel i think we should always provide a contextual definition, explanation, analogy or some other way of unloading this most loaded concept).

so back to the interview. somewhere in the midst of discussing the current political landscape of salem (which i know precious little about by the way. but it is t.v., so i guess informed discussion and ideational nuance isn't all that important), i began to wonder why we often do not allow our christian practice and mission to be at least partially shaped and informed by this postmodern creed. what if, instead of condemning this a-institutional creed or accommodating it by transforming it into a hook for our churches/communities/institutions, we listened more carefully to and learned from this creed and her confessors?

would such listening and learning lead us to provide more careful spiritual formation for the individual instead of the minimal catechization that many churches (i include s & s in this group) currently provide? in the midst of the formation process would we go to greater lengths to help the individual integrate into the community rather than simply throwing them into a generational, interest oriented or educational box? would they teach us how to move beyond focusing either wholly on the individual or wholly on the community by learning how to focus on individuals-in-community?

what else could the confessors of this creed teach us? what role do these postmodern confessors and their creed have to play in the formation of our communities and our personal spiritual formation? i can't help but wonder.

your input is welcome.

confessions of an emerging pastor

after spending four days spilling the church's sins, revealing her weaknesses and begging the world for forgiveness, i think it is time for me to offer a few ecclesiastical confessions.

1. about three years ago, after a valiant struggle against categorization and cunning attempts to label myself as an eh-vangelical instead of an ee-vangelical, i finally confessed that i wade in the evangelical stream. now after a couple of years of dancing on the margins and regularly deflecting criticism that has been launched at the emerging church by raising my hands in a sign of resignation and saying something like, "i'm not an apologist for emergent, just an interested party," i'm ready to come clean. i am a willing and ongoing participant in the emerging church conversation. i am proud to walk forward with this crew as together we submit to and pursue the mission of God.

2. i also confess that i often do not what "emergent" stands for and means. from my perspective, "emergent" is more of a missional community than a clearly defined institution or organization. that makes definitions a bit difficult.

3. although i have a deep love for the church, in all its various and sundry forms, i have occasionally scrutinized and judged other forms/methods/modes and denominations/organizations with a hermeneutic of suspicion instead of one of charity. for my lack of charity and the divisions it undoubtedly caused, i ask forgiveness.

4. for many years i mentally characterized committed pentecostal and charismatic christians as anti-intellectual enthusiasts. now i realize that individuals from these very traditions are expanding my perception in significant ways and are challenging me to replace many of my ministerial fears with a thoroughgoing missional faith. i thank God for these brothers and sisters and beg their forgiveness for the way i slandered them in the past.

5. i do not know how to pursue the missional opportunities God has given our community without embracing an entrepreneurial spirit. so instead of risking failure, i do nothing. i confess my fear of failure and will need a number of you to help me if i am to move forward.

6. i wax eloquent about social justice and commit a bit of my time to the poor. but when someone is truly disordered, in a psychological/physical/spiritual way, i often ignore them instead of accompanying them through their desert. in fact, i have a friend who is languishing on a "ward" right now and am almost afraid to visit her. i don't know what to do in these situations and do not know what to say. moreover, with this friend in particular, i question the value of my accompaniment.

7. i realize that when i'm teaching, preaching or praying i occasionally sound certain about what i believe and where i think the church should go. these slivers of certainty are completely unintended and often extremely untrustworthy. beware.

8. i don't do the mission/vision/values thing well. maybe one of the reasons i'm outside of the institutional church is because i am not a very organized person. i don't know if that's true, but it's definitely something to consider.

9. i am as uncomfortable with God's sovereignty as you are. i have openly questioned his ordering of sexual relationships on a number of occasions and, in periods of great suffering, such as those we have witnessed in South Asia, Iraq and Mississippi/Louisiana, i am quick to question both his presence and the extent of his control. i also have great, overwhelming questions about the last word and the word after that (the concept, not the aptly titled book) and the final consummation of the Kingdom.

10. i love Christ and am committed to His church. it is an honor to walk with you. i will walk, teach, sing (yes, even the girls' parts), accompany, lead, listen, serve and sacrifice beside you for as long as you will have me.

11. i confess that i have often had a false humility concerning my teaching and preaching gifts. i think that this tendency has occasionally had a negative impact upon the church and, more importantly, has dishonored our Creator by blighting the beauty of his creation.

may the peace of Christ be with you.