know thyself (you muddled son of a bitch)

i don't know how to write about this, but i'll try.

oftentimes my life feels like a screen that is stretched between apparent opposites. for instance, i am a contrarian by nature. as most of you know i am a passionate fan of a storied midwestern team, but i take great pride in being much meaner than my compatriots. however, while i will immediately move towards the margins in almost any social grouping i am also a fiercely loyal to those i both love and live to contradict. this is the reason i have remained faithful to the christian churches, churches of christ (ccoc) and sought my ordination in this tradition, even though i've never been a recognized leader of a ccoc church and have serious doubts whether that will change, or whether i even want that to change, in the future.

in my more charitable moments, i suspect that the lives of others are displayed on similar screens and i long to view those projections through a much softer lens. unfortunately those moments are few and far between. something to pray about, i suppose.