Sunday, December 30, 2007


brothers and sisters, as much as it pains me to say it, i am convinced that we have an ass crack epidemic on our hands.

in years past, i'd occasionally have an unrequited and (usually) wholly unappealing glimpse of a fat crack and five dollar thong, but lately i can't look to my right or left without being accosted by crack.

just on this trip alone, pix and i were subjected to a full-on glimpse of a wide crack ass that was not only half unsheathed, but sprouting black hairs. later, on one of our unfortunate trips to a commerce carnival, we saw a young woman who wore stylish black slacks that were quickly creeping towards the lower rims of her ass. even worse, she was toting along her young son and daughter who were sporting low-slung pampers and proudly displaying finely powdered and (as of yet) completely undimpled ass.

now i'm not calling anyone out here and will let all offenders remain anonymous. but if you are not a plumber, subjected to prison blues or being solicited for a vanity fair photo shoot, i would ask that when in public you properly sheathe your rapidly degenerating ass. proper coverage will not only please God but will secure my appetite and will help teenagers conserve water.

that is all. more meaningful posts to follow.


Before Girl said...

Holy crap. I did NOT need to see that. Did you consider telling any of these people that their asses were polluting your eyesight? The human ass is SO unappealing, not sexy. Even clothed. It's my least favorite body part on anyone. Even babies' butts, though you can have a half hearted giggle at their butts.

g13 said...

i'm glad you're with me krista. this is one catastrophe we can prevent!

Agent B said...

Man, that photo...that ain't crack. That's full ass. Big difference.

That chick must have nerve damage below the waist. How could you not feel that your entire butt has no pants on it?

PS - my favorite gag to do on The Tiger when he's out in the front yard with his gut and wearing only plumber pants: yell out "just say no to crack".

IZenBet said...

imago Dei?

every face?


Before Girl said...

Agent B I'm with you-I know when there is a breeze on arms, legs, back, and yes, even ass. I'm ALWAYS careful to pull down my shirt if I'm bending down or sitting like that. You can TOTALLY feel a breeze.

g13 said...

i'm with you krista. the "i didn't know my crack was cresting" argument never held water with me either.

i may not know much, but i definitely know when my bomb bay doors are open.