Thursday, December 13, 2007


when i first moved to new england i assumed that i would be surrounded by thick skinned winter warriors who knew how to drive on ice, maintain the status quo in a foot of snow and laugh in the face of southerners who quake at the mere sight of a snowflake.

after seven years in the region i can confidently conclude that i couldn't have been more wrong.

the greater boston area is expecting 3 to 8 inches of snow today and a single flake has yet to fall, but schools are already closing early, offices (such as my own) are shuttering at noon and the state is already paying new hampshire profiteers to clear uncluttered streets and roads.

when it comes to snow, new englanders are remarkably infantile and pathetic. back home, we would routinely drive through horizontal rain and maintain our composure in the midst of tornadoes. but here in new england, only local heroes will walk through a snow storm to secure a much needed gallon of milk. like i said, pathetic.


cade said...


james said...

and let the record show that i completed a full 8 hours on this workday.

New Englanders are pussies with this crap. I kid you not, there have been a few winter seasons where the temperature has been a few degrees below zero and a half dozen schools were closed. Reason? Fear of pipes freezing.

*and the old man shook his fist vigorously*

Before Girl said...

eff ya both. I am a life-long New Englander and I can tell you that I can walk out to my mailbox at the end of the road and back again in BARE FEET in this weather. I just shoveled my path and two of my neighbors' paths with NO coat-just a t-shirt. And I can also tell you that I hate New England drivers. Damn soccer mommies and business types with their giant SUVs thinking they can go 55 mph on a 35mph road because "Duh..I'm in ah SUV!" and they fly off the road, and cause headaches for those of us who maintain a car length and a half between myself and the car in front of me. And don't get me started on the rubberneckers who follow after...

I leave myself three car lengths at red lights or stop signs so that I can keep edging so my tires don't stuck and skidding before getting traction again. I will get up at 2am to shovel four inches of snow so there isn't 12 inches of snow in the morning.


james said...

though with all those qualities Krista, i wouldn't call you a typical one. You must have been transplanted somehow.

g13 said...

too funny krista. no argument here. said...

My argument is this:
New Englanders HAVE seen what a true, work-stopping, school-closing blizzard looks like and therefore react accordingly. Sure there are the over-zealous, Y2K types who clear supermarket shelves at the first notion of precipitation, but I would question whether that is the majority...
MANY days I was forced to dedicate a half hour of my morning to clearing the snow and ice off of my car...followed by another 30 minutes of digging through piles of wet, heavy snow just to get the car on the road. Might I add while racing against the snow plow, that will shortly be by to undo the labors of my morning...
So, when you label New Englanders as "infantile and pathetic", do I think that's a bit generalized and harsh? Certainly.
I also find it remarkable that for a region who you say has mastered tornadoes and monsoons, Tulsans sure don't know what the hell to do in an "ice storm".

g13 said...

well, i suppose they aren't all infantile and pathetic. but most of the folks i've worked with over the past six or seven years are when it comes to snow.

moreover, just because one has experienced raging blizzards in the past doesn't mean that one should treat every eight inch snow like it's the end of the world.

being from oklahoma, i've seen a f4 tornado with my own eyes and my immediate response was to retreat to the safety of an interior bathroom. but that experience did not compel me to duck and cover every single time we had a tornado watch.

you know what, i stand by my generalization. when it comes to snow, most new englanders are infantile and pathetic. i lived in the midwest for four years and toronto for a good part of one and i don't remember the good folks of either region reacting to snow in such an immoderate way. said...

Well, at least the people of New England are consistent... that way when real tragedy strikes, they will already be well rehearsed in crisis prevention.
I would argue, however, that the snow inspired anxiety of your co-workers was more than likely a facade devised in hopes of a shortened work day.
At least your assertion now only covers "most" New Englanders.

AlexPope said...

"back home, we would routinely drive through horizontal rain and maintain our composure in the midst of tornadoes"

One word. Bullshit.

I've been living in Jeff's "back home" for over 4 months now, and let me tell ya, it only took a week to figure out Oklahomans have no clue how to drive; never mind through sideways rain. I have yet to witness this "tornado composure" Jeff speaks of even on a sunny day.

And James, I think you may misunderstand the reason that schools close on days where pipes are in danger of freezing; perhaps its not a fear of frozen pipes so much as the temperature in which said pipes would freeze.

I will say this, New Englanders are badass. We've had a power outage in Oklahoma this week that looks like it will run into next. A power outage in New England wouldn't exist for more than a few hours. FIMA was sent out here to aid in disaster relief. Aime said that she saw one of their trucks blocking the road so that another fifteen could easily access the parking lot of Krispy Kreme. It feels good to be high on the priority list.

Cade, please hold your applause.

g13 said...

i am glad that you agree with my qualified generalization and i also think that my coworkers' paranoia is directly related to their infantile and pathetic laziness.

alex, last time i checked, you haven't experienced any tornadoes yet. get back to me when you have.
also, i'd be the last person to stump for public service workers in oklahoma or defend fema (we're talking about an organization that was formerly led by the failed director of the american quarter horse association for crying out loud), but i think that an ice storm like the one you've experienced would have similar effects on public utilities in new england. of course, it'd also have a huge effect on the salaries of policemen and staties as well. can you imagine how much worthless overtime they could pick up during a winter storm like that? makes me sick just to think of it.

cade, did you see the horrible video that i linked to this post? i can't believe that the actual clip is unavailable on youtube. darn you imagine television!

Before Girl said...

Please, check my post on who to actually blame for the snowstorm/gridlock/infantile/pussy arguments.


My husband left work in Bedford NH at 1pm and arrived home 7 hours later.

I remember the days of shoveling my parents' driveway (sand, not paved, so you could only dig so far before you hit dirt) and having the plows go by to cover what I just uncovered. I used to throw snowballs at the plows as they went by-ah those were the days when idle violence didn't get you arrested or shot. I also remember, come spring, going out into the road before the street cleaners came and scraping up all the leftover sand and salt to put back into the driveway that got lowered in the winter shoveling.

cade said...

alex, i would applaud regardless of the target of the rant. in general, people who flip out about weather BEFORE it even happens, no matter where they live or hail from, piss me off.

as i read jeff's post yesterday, the people i work with were running around in a panic wondering how they were going to get home. the timing was perfect.

and i know that this was not an isolated case, EVERYONE took off early to get home yesterday and what was the result? clogged highways and people getting stuck in traffic for hours. it was like the scene in 'deep impact' only minus the real danger.

that said, i have never lived in oklahoma, but i have experienced a brutal ice storm there first hand (last winter). but i can only speak for my experience growing up in kansas. and that is..."the weather deal with move on."

carl said...

Yes, there are more native new englanders these days with winter paranoia but you forgot; new englanders were famous for complaining too. Embelishment about the weather is unavoidable.

james said...

As to my comments i can only say that I have never lived in an area where schools/work get closed before the said weather actually takes place. And i have definitely never gotten out of work/school and the "possibility" of pipes freezing, or the "possibility" of anything happening for that matter. One always had to go first and if there was a problem while there, they sent you home.

Of course, this could just be a sign of my age and this could be a phenomena taking place with the passing times and across the country. But when I was in school, nothing closed until something actually happened first. Hell, i even remember, at the University of Kansas, walking to class in zero degree, -40 wind chill weather, to the farthest building across the campus. Neither were classes canceled nor was the school closed. None of this stuff about things that "might" happen.

james said...

...and i need to correct my very first comment. I said schools were pussies if closed when the temperature has been a few degrees below zero

i meant, when the temperature has been a few degrees below freezing (32 degrees).

Seriously...schools closed in 20/30 degree weather? Please.