tonight at 8 pm cade and i are heading down to the big, bad city to see high fidelity: the musical. since i am a huge nick hornby fan – i think he is one of the wittiest and unexpectedly humane novelists on the planet – and i believe that both the novel and the movie version of high fidelity offered us perhaps the most striking portrait of 20 something, white, western males (circa 1997 anyway), i am a little bit nervous about this production.
cade’s take is that we will have a great time whether the musical is excellent or awful, for if it is excellent it will provide an effective vehicle for the proclamation of the gospel of high fidelity to the masses* and if it is awful we can openly ridicule it during the performance and in our post-curtain recap.**
anyway, in honor of tonight’s premier, I would like for us to spend a few moments penning a few lyrics for the new musical. that way, if the songs suck, we can provide the writers with both healthy critique and provocative suggestions. here are the lyrics i’ve penned thus far.*** feel free to edit my lyrics or provide lyrics of your own.
“sarah, sarah,
schizophrenia's in your eyes,
your eyes
oh sarah, sarah,
you broke my heart when you said goodbye
goodbye
sarah, sarah,
now i could bag you without having to try
to try”
"charlie, you f*cking bitch,
you sucked his d*ck
the dreaded MARCO!
charlie, open the door
you stupid whore
let’s work it out!”
“what came first,
the music or the misery?
first yoko busted up the beatles,
now laura says she's leaving me.”
* i’m not joking about this “gospel” label, nor do i take the term lightly. i have personally witnessed the movie version serve as a sort of sacrament for ex-girlfriends and consider anything that can explain my neuroses, make people laugh about my relational inabilities and maybe even release me from a little personal responsibility an absolute gift from God.
** for my part, i am committed to booing and scoffing at the piece during the performance if it sucks. if my experience sucks, i suppose everyone else’s should as well.
*** if you find these lyrics a little raunchy and in bad taste, blame hornsby. each line i’ve penned is inspired by lines in the book or in the musical.
3 comments:
i may or may not have just received a call from a customer called "thank you masked man services" who asked me if we carry "big, hard cookies" and "pointy, pine-cone trees."
i'm thinking about filing a sexual harrassment claim.
does the nature of the call earn you the right to attach the label of "queen" to the customer?
why i would NEVER speak of a customer in such a derogatory manner!
moreover, i would appreciate it if you would keep such slurs off my family friendly site!
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