musing

there was a time in my life when i could not handle disruption. when my mother unexpectedly opened my door while i was reading i snapped, when a study session was marred by the funky riffs of the dorm sideman i screamed and when friends lingered in my living room too late into the night i simply asked them to leave. i thought that i had to fight for a well-ordered life and i vehemently confonted anyone who violated my space.

but this morning, as i sit here sick in bed, i am hemmed in by the sound of alex's alarm as it dutifully completes it's ten-thousandth cycle, the muffled voice of dave kazan as he accompanies james' work in the basement and the anticipation of jackaway and jonikay's arrival later in the day.

i once thought that i had to carve out my space and vigorously protect it against all trespassers. now, i am beginning to realize that it is only within the context of these friendships and the boundaries of this community that i have found a space worth inhabiting. in this communal space i feel contained, safe and loved. i'm incredibly thankful for that.