Wednesday, December 14, 2005

her pleasure, my pain

the moment we pulled into the parking lot, i saw the cruel, impassive profile of the armenian hygienist as she silently wound her way into the office. “darn,” i said to james. $5 says i’m destined for her chair.

of course i was right.

after glaring at me with predatory eyes and offering only the most cursory greetings, she went to work. if her barbarous hook could find metal - in my cavernous mouth that is not a spectacular feat - it did. when she found an exposed nerve, she vigorously probed. as her high pitched water instrument eagerly expressed her pleasure and my pain she thrust her milky white suction tube down my throat, much farther than in needed to go.

i reflexively gagged she finally relented, instructing me that it was time to rinse. i quickly sat up only to discover that in the midst of my subjugation i was most utterly exposed. zippers have long been my bane.

as i quickly tried to recover i stole a glance at my oppressor. her impassive eyes reflected neither embarrassment nor delight.

that is one hard-arsed hygienist.


Southern Beauty said...

If zippers are your bane, then maybe you should just wear pans with an elastic waist.

Southern Beauty said...

Make that pants.

g13 said...

i think button up pants would be best. easy on, easy off.

james said...

Easy on, easy off? On button-up pants? It's possible that i just don't have good enough skills, but then again "easy off" doesn't require good skill. And button up pants aren't as easy to remove as zippered ones.

g13 said...

well, easy off anyway. i want a pair of those warm up pants that i can pull off with a great big woosh!

failing that, maybe a velcro fly is the way to go.

james said...

Now there you go. In terms of removability, velcro pants will better ensure a evenin' full of pleasin'!

Mike said...

no dude, sans belt slacks and suspenders. or you could just wear sweats all the time. but then, there is always the risk of.. you know... tenting.

junkyardlove said...

"tenting?" "evenin' full of pleasin'?"

I just blew cereal out my nose.