going home is always a bit of a blessing and a curse. it is a blessing to eat my mom's fried cornbread, rest my head on my grandfather's shoulder and needle my baby cousin. however, it is a bit of a curse to be constantly confronted with what a confounded, arrogant, presumptuous little e.o.e.er i once was.
regarding the latter, a case in point. on friday kellie and i had the opportunity to dig through tons of family photographs at my grandmother's house. i was surprised to find pictures of my grandfather flying his L-9, depression era snapshots of my grandmother and ad hoc family photographs of my father when he was young.
unfortunately, as we continued to work our way through the photographs, deliberately moving from the past to the present, i was rather startled by the photographic evidence of myself. in almost every picture i corrupted there was an easily distinguishable arrogance in my eyes and a clean angle of a nose that rested well above the horizontal. originally i assumed that this particular pose was the result of the rather aggressive form of camera shyness that i have long struggled with. however, as the evidence began to mount, i was forced to conclude that i was indeed a arrogant, presumptuous little e.o.e.er.
the boy in those photos thinks he has the world's number and is destined for a life of nobility. little did he know that he was embarking upon a life that would be riddled with humiliation, confusion and a constant call to sacrifice and slave on behalf of a suffering servant.
i would like to think that if the boy i once was knew what i now know hospitality instead of hostility would have issued forth from his eyes and his stoic, staid nose would have been lowered and perhaps krinkled with a loving grin. but of course, there's nothing i can do about the past.
however, by God's grace, i can do something about the present...so from now on i'm setting out on a photographic expedition in hopes that i will find a man whose eyes are open with hospitality, grin betrays good humor and arms are a symbol of a perpetual embrace.
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