memorandum from captain random: do or die edition
if the cardinals blow this one, i'm going to hit an eight-ball and burn down those damn crawford boxes. in fact, while i'm at it, i might burn the other crawford - that abomination of desolation - down as well.
top of the seventh
on the red wall behind our black couch, i am keeping a list of people to kill. at the top of my list are two fox commentators. three ryan dobson stickers will be awarded to the first person to guess who these two "broadcasting professionals" are (for the record, i do not consider "scooter" a color commentator).
as much as i bitch about my life on this blog, i should probably mention when things go well...on that note, pettitte just picked eckstein of with the most illicit move i have ever seen. that move would be called a balk in babe ruth league. i can't believe they let that, um, motherfucking broadman & holman author get away with that! anyway, today i ground out four and half hours at work, helped phil wyman and his team set up a massive stage in salem for their haunted happenings outreach, was greeted with squeals of delight and hugs when i returned to the afterschool program after a two week absence and spent two and a half hours at the bev library falling further in love with n.t. wright (his nuanced, thoroughgoing understanding on the kingdom of God, as put forth in Jesus and the Victory of God continues to impress me). when i returned from the library, hopped up on caffeine and hungry for dinner, i found that kellie and her parents were watching scarface, which they thought featured less nasty language and violence than goodfellas. that killed me. of course, the cardinals could ruin it all, but that remains to be seen.
bottom of the seventh
if the cardinals lose this series, i'm going to remember two major base running gaffes. the first was pujols going on contact with no outs last night and the second will be eckstein getting "balked off" in the top frame. of course, i'll also remember our manager and all-star centerfielder acting like adolescents in the late innings of a must-win game, but i don't want to talk about that.
if i was an angels or an astros fan, i think i would have to strangle myself with a rally monkey or hurl myself off of the crawford boxes. is there another group of fans that pair such extraordinary enthusiasm with such unsurpassed baseball ignorance? i didn't think so.
burke singled. runners at first and third with one out. come on, berkman, roll into a double play.
holy shit. that all-league flag football player just broke my heart.
so many people give me shit for my pessimism. but scoff all you want, dear friends. pessimism softens the blow.
top of the eighth
wouldn't you assign a prisoner with a tatooed map of the facility to perpetual solitary confinement?
four outs to go and the commentators are defending the legitimacy of berkman's 337 foot home run. inappropriate comment deleted.
three up, three down. i'm going down to the basement to swipe some of james' methyl alcohol.
bottom of the eighth
i got nothing.
the umpiring has been woefully inconsistent this post-season. i think it's time to bust up the union.
now they're showing pictures of the new busch stadium. pour on the salt guys, pour it on.
top of the ninth
can we say die?
you gotta love eckstein. taking what he can get, even when it doesn't really matter. he's been one of the brightest spots of this season.
edmonds. one runner on, we're down to our last out nad pujols is coming up behind you. lean into it!
they're giving us just enough rope to hang ourselves. prove me wrong, pujols, you true believer. prove me wrong.
holy fucking shit. holy fucking shit.
bottom of the ninth
the cardinals haven't had a home run of that magnitude in 20 years (ozzie smith, 1985 n.l.c.s.. can we say go crazy, folks. go crazy!?)
two away. convulsions are starting.
alex just made a great point. if jeter had hit that homerun or a certain half-crippled first baseman smoked a shot off of the american league's best closer, the commentators would have gone crazy. as it was, it sounded like they were disappointed that they will have to miss their complimentary halliburton tour tomorrow.
holy fucking shit.