musing...
on sunday evening a friend said something funny. in the midst of a conversation concerning spiritual matters he said, "you sound healthier than i have ever heard you. what strikes me about our conversation is that you did not start by talking about your personal spiritual journey. rather, you started by talking about the health of the church. your heart has been set on fire for the church."
hmm...i wish that his observation was completely true. however, the mere fact that it is partially true, that i am as interested, intrigued and intense about the spiritual well being about our community as i am about my own life, encourages me.
it encourages me. and yet, i cannot help but think about how much further i have to go. if my love for the church eventually outgrows my love for myself (and i desperately hope that it does), i think the consequences will be numerous. here are a few:
i will be more aware of how my words, my often abrasive, sarcastic, penetrating words have the potential to, or in fact do, wound others. case in point: i will not jokingly call james and rhys "fags" when one of my coworkers, who is most likely homosexual, is sitting five feet away.
i will complete those damned "not urgent but important tasks, like finalizing a leadership consulting team for the church and filing those 401c3 papers, that i would rather ignore.
i will do a better job of listening to my wife. the pixie is wise in so many ways (relational, practical, ecclesiological...) that i am not. she has so many wise things to say about the church that i will not hear unless i slow down and listen.
i will spend more time listening to God and would develop a deeper sensitivity to the Spirit. i think they have a few things to say about the church.
i will not judge my brothers and sisters.
i will stay in better touch with and develop personal relationships with the missionaries we support.
i will once again invest myself in theological reflection. i once rejected these labors because i correctly discerned that my motives were narcissistic. now, by God's grace, my motives will be communal.
i will retreat regularly for study, reflection and prayer. i will also create opportunities for others to do the same.
i will follow-up on visitors and find creative ways to encourage the members of our community.
i am sure there are other consequences. by God's grace, i will be surprised by the consequences of my love for the church becoming greater and my love for self becoming less.
if you ever have the time to pray for me, if there is one empty slot on your ever growing list, please pray that my love for the church and her Lord, will increase. may my narcissism decrease and my love for the church increase. perhaps one day my friend's assertion will be found completely true.
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10 comments:
that is quite a list. i would say however that from what James has told me you ARE truly on fire for the church...
i admire what you are doing with the home church. iwish church leaders here had the balls to give up a platform for speaking engagements and book deals and go to the home church model
fletch and beauty,
thanks for your thoughts. a couple redirects:
fletch: i think home churches are a great way to do church, but for many, if not most, they are not the way to do church. i am glad that people like doug pagitt have been empowered by the church to lead, preach and put the pen to use 40 hours per.
beauty: i probably do beat myself up a bit. however, i take comfort in the fact that many of my forbears in church history (including jtb, st. francis, luther and nouwen) also embraced a penitential spirituality. that being said, there is a fine line between revealing our vulnerability and bleeding all over the pulpit.
peace to you both.
I'll pray for you, Jeff Gentry.
I've been working on this: "i will not judge my brothers and sisters" very heartily for the last year or so. I'm in the trenches with you, sir.
i can't tell you how many times i have prayed for you and the pixie over the past month but it has been many. Be blessed brother and pray for me. Life gets tough when the body and mind start to go - you start to run on fumes of "will" and "grace" (say, funny how that "tv show" title came out... ;-)
Ah, yes, Assisi, Luther and probably St. Augustine might also have the "apostle" gift (but one would probably only go for St. Augustine if they're a block-time theorist... ;-)
St. Patrick? Thomas A Kempis?...
yeah i see your point gentry about the home church not being the only model. and i didn't mean to imply that, even though that is what came accross. but i stand behind the gist of my comments. you are a courage filled man to choose the path you've chosen when you could've gone for the celeb pastor roll. No, not all pastors who publish are in it for the wrong reasons.
at any rate, thanks for being my friends pastor and friend
hey all, thanks for your kind words.
pax.
(what mike also wish he had said...): "...or the high you get when serving the poor or the infirm [gal. 2:10]..."
Jeff, please keep reminding me to remember the poor and to serve.
In Him,
mike
jeff, i pray immeasurable blessings for you and for the community at sinners and saints as you lead in a journey where the community - the transformation of individuals into a cohesive, interdependent, kingdom residing and kingdom seeking family - replaces self-change as focus.
this is where "recovering evangelical" seem so appropriate. for myself and my community, taking eyes off self and replacing the unspiritual discipline of naval gazing with the spiritual discipline of intentional community is a stretch so painful, i often feel unconfident that it will not break us-or atlest me.
God is active in the entity that sinners and saints has become and, though increasingly cynical about most things, i am hopefully confident that your growth and leadership will be a fruitful seed for a breath-taking work of communal art!!!!
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