on the journey from cynicism to credo

although i have highly developed, cocksure defense mechanisms that suggest otherwise, i have always struggled with doubt. these doubts have ranged from the trivial, like when, as a five year old, i anxiously doubted whether i had eaten the tasty looking, but poisonous pellets my father scattered upon the lawn, to crucial, like when the mere thought of preaching a sermon or leading a youth retreat would reduce me to lying on a cold tile floor in the fetal position.

fortunately, over the past four years i have slowly begun to believe that i am who God says i am in Christ (i.e., chosen, predestined, adopted, redeemed, for more indicatives see Eph. 1 or Romans 8). Whether this hesitant, yet clearly progressive movement from cynicism to credo is the result of the deeper sense of self-identification that some call 'maturity,' the result of finding a place that i can truly call home, the fruit and evidence of the indwelling Spirit or, most likely, a funky collaboration of these reasons, i really don't know.

however, i do know that by God's grace i am ready to start walking from the place of doubt towards the place of belief or what uncle henri would call the movement from "the house of fear to the house of love." anyway, to make a short introduction long, i would like to begin chronicling my personal credo or statement of faith. these entries will appear now and then under the title Credo. so, here goes...

i believe in God.

• i believe he is our creator, though he often chose to do so in inscrutable ways.
  
• i believe that he is good, as evidenced in the wonderful abandon of children, the beautiful, rhythmic pounding of the waves upon singing beach and his inerrant faithfulness to his often faithless people.
  
• i believe that God is a unity in community of three personal beings, Father, Son and Holy Spirit. each of these beings works all things to the ultimate good of both the godhead and those who have been called according to his purpose.
  
• i believe that God loves to communicate. this divine gift of gab is readily apparent in the 'book of creation' as well as in the tanak, the NT and, supremely, through the life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.
  
• i do not believe that i have a grip on God, but i believe that he has a firm hold on me.

thus ends my first entry. please note that i am not trying to write a systematic theology or produce a highly learned treatise. i'm merely providing a personal, narrative account of my faith. hopefully, if you keep this intent in mind, you'll be able to forgive the apparently naive and undoubtedly cliche ways that i express myself.

concerning my second religion...
as much as i loathe the cubs, i love watching mark prior pitch. his flawless mechanics, bulldog mentality and willingness to brushback barry bonds have made him one of my favorites. a pitching prodigy like prior almost makes me wish the cardinals had also sucked for years on end. then, we could also have a respectable starting rotation.